To not know what to do about low level bullying (DS)?

[Lovestosing]

DS (8) is a sensitive boy, and I suppose he can be quite eccentric. He hasn't had many problems with other children until this year. Another boy in his class has started picking on him, calling him a nerd, geek, etc and generally making fun of him. I just told DS to try and not take it to heart until one incident about a month ago when several of the boys in his class were calling him names, led by the boy who he has a problem with. DS was so upset that I reported it to his teacher and they were punished. All has been quiet until today, when the boy has started on him again, and a few others have joined in. It isn't as serious as the previous incident, but I'm not sure whether to leave it and just tell DS to ignore them and hope that works. DS finds it very difficult to ignore it, and always retaliates verbally, which IMO encourages the bullying to continue. I'm so angry and upset, I realise he's an easy target as he's different but he'sbthe sort of boy that goes out of his way to stick up for other people, in fact this is just what he was doing today which led to the name calling. I just want some advice I suppose.

No real advice on how to make the bullying stop, but make sure he knows that you do not think this is his fault, and that you don't think he did anything wrong in being different or sticking up for other people.

Primary school kids are little shits.

My eldest got a bit of stick for being geeky at the same age. All I could do was keep telling the school and try to help him be happy with who he was. It did stop after a while. More so now that he's met more geeky pals at high school and they spend their time being scathing about the popular kids.

I have said that he's brilliant and it's nothing to do with him and everything to do with them. But, it's so hard to see him so upset.

My DD, now 9, had about 2 years of trouble with one particular boy. I moved her to another school it got so bad. He would push past her, name call, spread rumours, and silly stuff like poking his tongue out at her in class.

Anyway, 3 weeks after moving DD, he was permanently excluded from school and rocked up in her new class, at her new school!

We suggested that she laigh along, rather than ignore. The ignoring tactic didn't seem to work as it made him escalate his viscious efforts. However, since she 'joined in' being the butt of his jokes etc, he stopped.

It took a lot of courage on DD's part, don't get me wrong, but she said she felt worse with everyone laughing at her, than when she laughed at herself.

laugh and vicious Remember to proof read Splodge!

If the last intervention by the teacher worked, and your son us very upset I would tell her again. She can decide what action is necessary

Schools have to have a written anti-bullying policy so keep telling them about it and ask to see the policy. By law they have to act to prevent harrassment and victimisation so if they arent doing it then you can report them to Ofsted. Making someone feel excluded and calling them names is not on and needs addressing. I feel for your DS as I was odd and geeky (still am) but he doesnt have to ignore the bullies.

DS is a bit reluctant for me to say anything as the boy in question said "Are you going to run to your mummy now?" So he doesn't want to be known as a wimp!

I spoke to DS this morning and asked what he wanted to do, he said he was going to try and ignore and walk away when possible but he still needs to tell DH and I about every incident. We'll then decide if it's effective. I told his teacher about it this morning anyway without DS's knowledge but said I didn't want her to do anything about it at this stage. He also told me this morning about another incident yesterday with a different boy who used to be good friends with him. I'm So upset for him as he said there must be something about him to make people act like that towards him. I just feel so helpless. [Email address removed by MNHQ]

Did you mean to put an email address in there? I've reported your post.

Yup, this is not low-level, this is nasty. I'd go to the teacher again., perhaps s/he can do some circle time re bullying and what is/isn't nice behaviour. Am sure this little boy knows exactly what he's doing but still...

If it carries on I'd definitely escalate it too - your ds needs to know you're on his side and the teacher is too, and bullying will be stamped out. The other boy sounds horrible.

I would keep a note of all the incidents with dates. I would continue going into school to complain. I would also explain to your son that bullies thrive on their victims keeping quiet. Next time the "are you running to your mummy taunt" comes out I would suggest he says "Yes because you don't want me to". Much the same happened to my DC and I learned that ignoring/not telling the school doesn't really work. If you keep quiet, the teachers assume everything's fine. I also taught my DC that bullies also thrive on attention and if you train yourself to ignore them, and always appear to be having a good time with other children when they're near, they soon get bored. Good luck. This too will pass, however awful it feels at the moment!

How has his week been?

Anyway, 3 weeks after moving DD, he was permanently excluded from school and rocked up in her new class, at her new school!

This exact thing happened to us. Moved dd as the school didn't seem interested. The bully was then moved to her school under a 'managed move' he has since attacked her twice. Its so shit....but we have it resolved now.

Whilst I get your ds doesn't want you to speak to teachers. I think you should. They can't do anything if they don't know. By that point the damage to your ds could already have been done.

This isn't low level. Its not violent, but every bit as damaging.

Also please make sure the school os keeping record of you going in. Ask for copies or their records and keep your own.

The school we moved dd from claimed they had no note of us complaining about bullying at all. They told us they had, but we never saw it. Big mistake. In this school, we ask for records of every meeting. They understand why, given what happened at the last school.

I had this. Not sure my approach is to be recommended (and I ended up with a phone call from the head telling me off). But it bloody worked.

DD has essentially afro hair (though we are white). School mono cultural. Age 7 she started always wearing hair tied back and was quiet and withdrawn. Eventually she confided that boys from another class were finding her at playtime and taunting her about her hair. Broke my heart when she said "I wouldn't be mean to them mummy I don't understand why they are so mean to me".

Spoke to teacher who did the usual wet circle time lets all be nice to each other didn't work obviously. So I found out who the parents were and wrote to them - politely - telling them what their little darling sons were doing and how it was upsetting DD. I couched it in nicey nicey language, DH checked it (litigator). Handed out letters. All hell broke out, parents were upset, head was upset and said I should have let school handle it etc. Lots of adults felt very sad. I could not give it a shit. It stopped. Dead. The parents obviously bollocked their sons. DD was so much happier. She said she heard one of the boys say they to a friend not to be mean to DD as "you get in too much trouble". Job done.

It should be stamped out and nipped in the bud before it escalates again. The school should be very clear and have a zero tolerance on bullies. Ugh, I hate bullying. for you and your ds. Hope it gets sorted soon.

Well done KERALA1 :) I'm glad that the bullying stopped, and you really stuck up for your dd. I was bullied at school, and my parents always told me to just ignore them. Maybe that was good advice, but I did tend to spend my childhood walking around with my head down looking at the floor, while other children shouted insults and laughed at me. I felt like no body was on my side, and no body ever called the bullies on their bull shit.

Had lots of problems when a child started in my ds1 class..it started low level bullying but then escalated to every kind of abuse..My ds1 didnt retaliate even once. But i made sure I kept records of each incident. Eventually called an emergency meeting with chair of governers and ht and had the other child moved to another school. Children that bully need to be consistently treated at home and school. In my experience it was the home environment that caused the issues (ht was at her wits end).
Broke my heart to find my ds1 (8) crying in bed at midnight because he was so distraught at what the next day may bring. That was the last straw and i took action.
Please dont wait.. Speak to the head teacher, take a written history of events and take notes. Ensure you are given an action plan, a review date and consequences plan.

I speak to the children directly in the playground, very nicely but firmly telling them to stop or I will speaking to their parents or going straight to the head. It may not be the "right" thing to do but it works. Dd is 8 too.

Exactly nicki when it comes to people bullying your child all their policies and "good practice" fly out the window. I did try going through the proper channels but when that didn't work I did it myself.

My fiery neighbour cornered a thuggish 13 year old in the local shop recently and told him in no uncertain terms to leave her ds alone. Bloody worked - the lad was terrified. And my neighbour is a kind polite 40 something artist.