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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give my friend sympathy who follows quack advice then complains about being unwell

29 replies

Jedimuz · 21/04/2015 16:43

I have a friend that is constantly complaining about a health condition IBS/PMS/cystitis ect.

However she always seems to have a lot of the foods that trigger it - four expressos a day, liters of diet cola, crisps and chocolate.

She pays a fortune to homeopath and other woman who puts a head band on and then the computer says what she can and can't eat all for 80 pounds a visit! It ranges from not eating tomatoes, to muchrooms, oranges, spicy food etc but never says anything about the coffee / cola / chocolate.

Friend refuses to try even to stop having so much coffee and swears it is nothing to do with it as the machine does say so. So she sits at home clutching crystals and other gems while eating crap and feeling crap.

Aibu to just not feel sympathy for her anymore?

OP posts:
ElphabaTheGreen · 21/04/2015 16:46

Conversely, what authority are you to say that caffeine is the cause of her health problems? They are for some, not for others.

Pot...kettle...

Straycatblue · 21/04/2015 16:49

So, do you only have sympathy for ill people who behave how you want them to behave ??

Doesn't sound like a genuine friendship to me, your friend is suffering from multiple painful and debilitating health conditions but because she is not doing the things YOU want her to do to improve her health, you are going to remove your caring feelings from her.

drbonnieblossman · 21/04/2015 16:49

You can't help people who won't help themselves. If she's not prepared to apply common sense to her health problems, then leave her itching her crystals.

drbonnieblossman · 21/04/2015 16:49

Sorry, clutching her crystals, not itching

OhGiveItARest · 21/04/2015 16:54

YANBU.

If she starts whinging, just say "So have you seen a proper doctor yet? No? Oh well then. Anyway how are the DCs...." and change the subject.

hackmum · 21/04/2015 16:55

"So, do you only have sympathy for ill people who behave how you want them to behave ??"

Oh ffs, don't be so sanctimonious. If you genuinely suffer from cystitis or IBS, then drinking lots of coffee and cola is the last thing you want to do. I wouldn't have much patience with somebody like that either, especially if they complained about it a lot.

Teeste · 21/04/2015 17:00

IME, people who believe in woo often have a reason. It might not be one you think is valid and it is also often bloody frustrating, but they do have a reason all the same. I've not found that anything works to dissuade them as said reasons are often deep-seated and psychological, so it's a case of putting up and shutting up or getting rid.

So I think there is some room for sympathy, but maybe it's slightly different from what you were thinking.

Straycatblue · 21/04/2015 17:03

Oh ffs, don't be so sanctimonious.

Such eloquence Grin

AuntyMag10 · 21/04/2015 17:05

Yanbu, people who complain yet do nothing to help themselves I have no sympathy for.

shewept · 21/04/2015 17:14

Yanbu. Simple fact is, its not working. Even if she believes it works for some people, its not working for her. So she has a choice, actually see an actual doctor or stop moaning.

I might be quite harsh, but I don't get fed up of people who moan and moan about the same things constantly and yet never actually attempt to fix the problem.

shewept · 21/04/2015 17:15

I do get fed up

ghostyslovesheep · 21/04/2015 17:26

none of those things trigger my 'IBS' style illness - spinach, wheat, white wine, sweetcorn and other stuff but not caffeine and chocolate - or crisps

yanbu being frustrated by her woo addiction but yabu in deciding what triggers her illness and generally being a bit judgy

TedAndLola · 21/04/2015 17:34

YANBU. I don't believe in policing other people's diets or the way they choose to treat (or not treat) their health conditions. At the same time, if they ask me for my opinion or advice but refuse to see a proper doctor, I won't waste my time or energy in trying to help them. I make sympathetic noises and that's it.

However, YABU if you keep giving her unsolicited medical advice about the coffee etc. It's not your place and it's incredibly irritating - as a diabetic (type 1) I am very used to people thinking it's okay to comment on my diet or give me advice.

soapboxqueen · 21/04/2015 17:42

I have ibs I don't drink coffee /coke etc but neither do they trigger my ibs. I've been back and forward to my gp for years to no avail. Ibs is what they diagnose when all the other tests came up negative.

Then you get told to try yakult etc. I'm not a big fan of alternative (eg unverified) medicine but with ibs you are pretty much left to work it out for yourself. I'd give your friend some slack.

PeachyPants · 21/04/2015 17:46

I don't think YABU to feel frustrated but if she's your friend then YABU to show that or to keep nagging her, she has to make these choices herself.

Amummyatlast · 21/04/2015 18:44

I also have IBS and don't drink coffee, cola or other caffeinated drinks and don't overindulge on chocolate. None of those things seem to trigger my IBS.

hiddenhome · 21/04/2015 18:53

She can't be that unwell. I've had to cut out coffee, tea, fruit juice, alcohol etc. due to persistent cystitis. I'm okay now, but never slip up as it's just not worth the discomfort and infection.

She's not that unwell, trust me.

chickenfuckingpox · 21/04/2015 18:57

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Irritable-bowel-syndrome/Pages/Causes.aspx

the diet is classed as full of common triggers why would you not eliminate them? or at least try

what are crystals going to do for your bowels?

admittedly stress is a factor but still all the positive thinking in the world is not going to work if you eat shit

PeppermintCrayon · 21/04/2015 21:12

people who believe in woo often have a reason.

And sometimes that reason is to justify doing what they want and not helping themselves...

Squeegle · 21/04/2015 21:18

I agree it would drive me mad. Need to follow common sense before taking on all the extra (and expensive) advice. Coffee notorious for causing stomach problems, high % of fat in crisps notorious and diet coke - full of crap!! Up to her of course, but I wouldn't be able to listen to it....

pocketsaviour · 21/04/2015 21:44

She pays a fortune to homeopath and other woman who puts a head band on and then the computer says what she can and can't eat all for 80 pounds a visit!

pbromum2 · 22/04/2015 09:01

What is this headband machine?

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 22/04/2015 09:14

Dietcola is a massive trigger for my IBS, chocolate isn't. And I drink buckets of tea. Bread makes me feel awful- but not wraps. Fruit juice - cant touch the stuff. But bring on the spinach! Iceberg lettuce makes me run screaming at the sight of it. Other lettuces - fine!

Iit took me ages to work out the diet coke thing, and it was tough because it was my go to drink. But for me, if I'm suffering, its worth TRYING cutting foods out - so YANBU in my view. I wonder what your friends real reason for not trying is - is her diet a "comfort food" thing?

Aussiemum78 · 22/04/2015 09:19

Just a headband with lights.

Woo!

I'm with you OP. Go see a real doctor and stop eating crap. Or shut up about your "illness"

Does she even know she has IBS? She could actually have something else if she hasn't been diagnosed.

Aussiemum78 · 22/04/2015 09:28

And drinking water helps with cystitis...