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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for some honest opinions on this?

14 replies

monkeymamma · 21/04/2015 10:46

Ds2 is 4months old. He hasn't slept for more than an hour in one go since he was 2months old, except in his car seat/buggy (where he can manage around 2hours max). He is ebf and feeds frequently day and night. He's also very big (born on 95th centile, wears 6-9month babygros).

Other than this he is a very chilled out, happy baby; gaining weight and meeting milestones; smiles and laughs a lot; doesn't have trouble falling asleep (just staying asleep!); feeds well and his nappies all look they way they should.

For a long time we blamed a bad (cough and cold) virus he had at 2months old, this seemed to make him very congested and wake him up, we then felt he'd fallen out of the habit of being able to settle himself after a sleep cycle. A couple of weeks ago we tried extending the gap between feeds in the night so dh would rock him every other hour and I'd only feed him every other hour. We managed to get two hours between feeds (sometimes even sleeping for the whole two hours). However he now seems to have another cold and be congested and sniffly again, so he now won't settle for long periods at all (less than an hour in fact quite often). I'm now thinking we can't keep blaming the virus etc and starting to think there must be a medical reason for his wakefulness.

His older brother ws very similar re naps (wouldn't settle for more than an hour, sometimes only sleeping twenty mins ) and night time sleeping (not quite as bad, but pretty bad). However he was also a generally less contented baby, quite unsettled and needed holding upright most of the time, windy and had lots of explosive nappies then finally had bloody stools aged 5months and was diagnosed with a cmp intolerance. I cut out dairy, eggs, beef and soya, and gradually reintroduced them (first to my diet and then, as he weaned, to his). He now eats everything and grew out of all his dietary problems (is now 3).

I'm starting to wonder if ds2 has the same problem, only the manifestation is respiratory rather than digestive? I've mentioned to dh and my family and they are dead against me cutting any foods out. But it took MONTHS to get ds1 any medical diagnoses, I would if I thought ds2 was suffering similar, want to start moderating my diet straight away. (I will talk to GP and HV, but I don't know that they will have much advice... No one seemed to be able to help much with ds1's sleeping really.)

Would I be an idiot to start eating differently for a couple of weeks and see what happens? Feel really upset knowing that everyone will be against it :-( but I can't let that be a reason for not doing it iyswim.

Also appreciate I may be a little over anxious/quick to jump to conclusions because of what happened with ds1 which was very distressing at the time.

Know this is not technically aibu, but any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Undeuxtwatcinq · 21/04/2015 10:52

If you would be happier trying things yourself, then it can't hurt as long as you follow a balanced diet yourself. Maybe just cut one thing out though instead of a long list. I thought my son had allergies as he had respiratory issues and the doc advised cutting out dairy for a bit as that could manifest itself that way. He was fine after a while and no allergies. But still discuss with your GP that that is what you wish to do as then they can monitor any results you do or don't notice.

PisforPeter · 21/04/2015 11:00

Lots of viruses about though which your elder child is no doubt bringing home from child care settings??

monkeymamma · 21/04/2015 11:13

PisforPeter - very much so! That's why it is so hard to know if I'm overreacting or not :-s

Undeux - thanks for your comments and support. My reason for cutting out all the obvious allergens is because with ds1 I started with dairy, when we had no success went on to beef, then soya, etc, and it took weeks/months during which time he was very poorly and suffering. I don't want to put ds2 through the same. But again I am maybe projecting because of the earlier experience.

I have a lot of guilt about what happened with ds1 and feel very low today because it's as though I'm getting it all wrong, AGAIN. (Bit of sleep deprivation talking here, I imagine!)

OP posts:
Undeuxtwatcinq · 21/04/2015 11:46

monkeymamma, you aren't getting it wrong. If nothing else, sleep deprivation is awful. I am sure you have tried, but just in case, have you tried raising the head of his cot/mattress? We used to put a pillow under DS mattress so he was raised and that helped. We were also lucky that our sofa was very supportive, so I could rest with him sleeping on my chest at night. And I know not the most popular suggestion, but have you tried him with a dummy so he can re-establish self soothing? Provided you don't let a dummy become your habit instead of his, they can be a very helpful aid.

Quitelikely · 21/04/2015 11:58

Is formula out of the question?

If after cutting out dairy there was no improvement I would look to formula.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture!

however · 21/04/2015 12:06

Does he take a dummy?

GloGirl · 21/04/2015 12:16

My boy was exactlythe same with no medical problems. He just needed to feed. A lot. I crawled through his first year with him in absolute exhaustion. Once he hit 12 months and started to eat better and I switched to cow's milk he slept better. He sleeps all night in his room now. There was no other change except food.

To be honest though I'd sod your family, take Pregnacare with Omega 3 supplements and make a change to your diet anyway. Just explore other avenues whilst you are doing it.

As an fyi my 2nd son is formula fed and in spite of having an almost permanent run of colds and coughs, he sleeps excellently. Just feeds more often than usual as he can't take a full feed at once with a cold.

GloGirl · 21/04/2015 12:18

He us likely to get more viruses as he has a germy older brother.

Yes to lifting the end of the cot, saline nasal spray to make his nose run rather than congest, snuffle babe is nice baby Vicks too.

monkeymamma · 21/04/2015 13:15

Thank you all for all the comments. It's just nice to be able to talk about this and not feel like I'm going mad.

We've tried lifting his cot mattress at one end but didn't see much difference.
I'm on our sixth bottle of snuffle babe saline drops since he was born (ds1 must've got through one, if that, in three years!) and use stuff on his chest.

He spits a dummy out when I try and use one (and gives me a look I can only describe as 'wtf mum?').

Formula isn't out of the question at all, but I do love breastfeeding and breastfed his brother till he was 14m, so somehow feel I should do the same for ds2!

Glogirl, do you mind me asking when you moved your elder boy onto solids? My mum thinks I'm crazy to wait till 6months when he's so big, but... I'm desperate to do the 'right' thing :-s

He's just woke after a ten minute (TEN EFFING MiNUTES, ARGHHH!) nap and I've had to out the oven fan on to get him back to sleep Blush.

OP posts:
Janethegirl · 21/04/2015 13:30

Is it worth trying music if the oven fan works?

GloGirl · 21/04/2015 13:41

6 months for us. I didn't see a big improvement when he started them; just once he got older , moved more and ate more.

It is a torture

halestone · 21/04/2015 13:59

monkeymama, i feel your pain my Dd was a very poor sleeper as a baby literally only slept 2hours out of 24. No-one believed how bad it was till i kept a sleep diary for Dd and then they started with helpful suggestions.

Like your son she was very happy and BF alot. She was also above the 99th centile for height and weight, met all her milestones, usually well in advance. I stopped BF for my own selfiah reasons and swopped to an anti-reflux formula which the HV advised. This helped with her sleep a little.

She was always very chesty as well and seemed constantly snuffly and unwell. Eventually she was given an inhaler and said that if it helped and worked for 6 months they would say she had Asthma. It helped alot. She now sleeps during the night aged 2. She does wake up about 4-5 times a night still though.

In essence i would do anything you feel is best and you have my complete sympathy. Maybe start a sleep diary (i did it as a note on my phone) then try cutting things out and see if it helps. I always find it helps Health Professionals to see things written down. Good luckThanks

Undeuxtwatcinq · 21/04/2015 14:24

I dipped my daughters dummy in gripewater Blush when I was desperate for sleep - she kept it in then.

In France they currently recommend introducing solids at 4 months. If you don't want to do solids at the moment, what about trying a night time bottle of night formula? I believe that it is a bit thicker than normal formula. Is HIPP I believe. Maybe hubby could give him bottle so he doesn't associate bottles with you and you could go to bed for a couple of hours in preparation for night feeds?

SylvaniansAtEase · 21/04/2015 14:33

No, absolutely trial cutting things out - it seems a very sensible option to take while you still have the ability to control it through bm (and thus you get the reduced diet rather than him) instead of when he starts solids.

It's absolutely nothing to do with your wider family what YOU eat! How dare they?! You may be breastfeeding: you're not the family milch cow.

It can't hurt at all and could give you an answer. On the other hand, it may be something totally different. You don't know until you try.

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