teen 'rebellion' - what is it all about?

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

This is kind of a 'fred about a fred' as the long running vegetarian parents thread got me thinking. How do I think my kids might rebel? How will I deal with it? How will my much more sensitive DH deal?

My parents did not hold back their opinions when I expressed my desire to become vegetarian - I would have been disappointed if they had - part of the 'thrill' as a 15 yo was transgressing. They were so bloody permissive - socialist/ atheist / let me go on a weekend to Manchester to see the Happy Mondays with my friends aged 15... that finding something they might vaguely disapprove was hard work unless I wanted to complete break from their values and join the army/ find religion/ vote conservative - which I had no desire to do.

I did not become veggie to shock my parents I did because it made no sense to me to be against animal cruelty/ testing and be environmentally concious and not at least consider cutting out meat. It was hard in 1989 and on a tiny income to be vegan but I did reject leather shoes unless they were second hand so I tried to be 'true' to my beliefs. I really credit my parents with giving me the confidence to be politically aware and active - so it was less of a rebellion and more of a tribute. I don't think they were perfect but by modelling a strong and meaningful moral and political framework in their lives and opinions they taught me how to make decisions about how I wanted to live my life.

I want my kids to have the same ability - I don't want mindless observance - they should have the confidence that I was given in my ability to think for myself - it is not their fault that I happen to be right!

So if you think the way you live and your politics/ religion etc. is "right" how can you hide disappointment when that world view is rejected. I mean it will be bad enough if my dc deride my musical taste/ love of cats (animal not musical) whatever but I will cope with that but other more fundamental differences - I cannot say I will accept and smile - I am not talking about rejecting vegetarianism btw I can foresee managing that - but even then if they start chowing down on McD I may have to say something ... or bite my tongue to ribbons.

Am I really meant to say - "that is nice dear" whatever? Cos that ain't going to happen.

Thanks for making me smile about something I'm finding really difficult! (I am an omnivore after not thriving on a vegetarian diet at uni, and my underweight teenage children want to be almost vegan.)

I think just as you had the right to make choices about what you ate as a teenager, you should afford the same freedoms to your children...as long as the changes are not sudden, unhealthy, wasteful or hurtful/harmful. The important thing is to listen to them and allow them choices.

However, if you firmly believe it is wrong to buy meat of any sort, I don't think you should just start ordering meat dishes for them when out for a meal, or adding cheap processed meat sausages to your shopping list!

You might want to compromise and get something organic for them to cook once a week, or give them money to go out for a burger with their friends.

I often wonder about this one. I think a huge part of the problems we see in some teenagers is that there is no longer anything for them to rebel against - their grandparents and great-grandparents were doing the whole "sex drugs and rock'n'roll" thing in the 60s and 70s, vegetarianism took off in the 70s (our family is 50/50), the 80s and 90s saw their parents and grand parents being slaves to work, taking too much coke and drinking too much champagne or doing the whole goth thing with too many tats and piercings. I know, that is a very generalised view of things!

So how do our children go through the perfectly normal period of teenage rebellion, of wanting to find out what it is to be their own person?

Peace - I am happy to help - but I am sorry that you are struggling with this. My sister couldn't manage on a veggie diet (she tried it) I do think some people are not suited to it. But perhaps these days being vegan is simpler than it used to be ... there are so many alternatives available but it is about getting your teenage daughters to maintain a balanced diet - I know I did not, unless you could balancing carbs with beer! But at least you can provide them with delish vegan meals. good luck.

I will never buy meat for my kids if they want to eat it they can do so else where... I have already told them that, they have assured me they never will want to. But when I was 10 I told my dad that alcohol was awful and I would never drink ... so.

We are taking it a step at a time. DD tried to rush me through it and I can't go at her pace of change. I'm now trying a dairy free diet (though not as strictly as the DCs tend to be) and actually I am starting to feel much better for it.So have stopped buying dairy cheese and milk, and they are happy about that.

I'm insisting on one egg meal, one red meat meal, one fish meals a week at home. When everyone is safely at a healthy weight and not restricting unhealthily (and rudely) on things like bread and potatoes, white rice, sauces, and sugar, I can consider further changes, if needed. As it is, I've been using the Happy Cow app to find vegan places to eat out. Trying vegan sausages on the BBQ (think I'll just get a dutch oven and make veggie stew next time!)

It was just an example of 'rebellion' but from the other angle. I'm anemic, and DD can get run down due to not eating enough. She has been through a rebellious phase of almost moving out to live with her (now ex) bf. She secretly smokes. She'll get tats and more piercings the first chance she can. (It is her body, but I am not going to take her to get a tat before she is 18.) She kept pushing me to 'allow' her to go to boarding school.

I think rebellion is best dealt with in the loving boundaries of home life, even though I am not in the best of health and DH is mostly abroad. Even though I don't really have much of a clue. I can provide enough of a stable home for us to rub along. Falling out and disagreeing is an important part of growing into an adult. A lot of people don't get to do that at home and so it doesn't look 'normal' to them.

Since agreeing to go dairy free home seems a much calmer and happier place. (Hopefully not just the calm before another storm!) It is mainly the dairy free aspect they want most, so hopefully things will pick up.

How would I have coped if my dd had become a tory, joined the army or the police. I would have disowned her, simple