To ignore my three year old when he is having a tantrum?

[thewavesofthesea]

This morning, out in local town with my 3 year old. Starts having ridiculous, but entirely normal tantrum ( wanting the buggy as didn't want to walk, but buggy was at home as he said he didn't want it )

Walking through town, cue shocked faces and tuts, particularly from older people, one of who told him and told him he was naughty and was going to go to jail! I just ignored him however, he did actually walk with me despite his protestaions but screamed the whole way.

This is not an uncommon thing. He had tantrums. I assume this us normal. He does possibly look a bit older then 3 which might account for it: but the number of people who look at me like I'm either neglectful for leaving him crying or a bad mother who is not disciplining him properly!
For what it is worth, he does have a hot temper, but is generally pleasant and beautifully behaved at nursery. He knows how to behave, just chooses not to with me! ( which again, is normal!!)
AIBU?

I had this last weekend as I dragged walked my 3 yr old to the car. He was having a major tantrum over something. We needed they back so couldn't wait it out. I got mostly helpful smiles and one tut. DS6! Had a tantrum the other day and was carried out the supermarket and put in time out in the car, he should know better at 6.

They get their temper from me unfortunately, still that determination has served me well!

Tbh, I would not let my DC roll on the floor in a supermarket creating an obstruction/tripping hazard. Also, I would not just read a book and wait for the tantrum to finish if in a shop/cafe/museum/etc, as I don't think that's nice for the other customers (however, neither am I advocating giving them whatever they were tantruming about in the first place). I wouldn't judge, though. I'm just glad it's not me who us expected to deal with it. :)

YANBU the technique worked for me and when I see dc tantrumming out the only eye rolling I do is when the parent gives in and buys them the sweets or whatever it is they are demanding.

Please don't judge people for this either, Malice. Dd has ASD and has issues with routines. Sometimes it probably looks like we're rewarding her for a tantrum, when we might just be trying to distract her. People do what they need to do and you don't really know the situation.

Also cannot bear the siren scream she does when a tantrum/whinging session hits. These are pretty rare, and on the whole she's a good girl, so on the rare occasion she's going to blow you bet you arse I'm going to bribe the fuck out of her to stave off a tantrum.

Have had a nightmare train journey that suddenly got a whole lot better after a well-timed kit Kat.

Giving in doesn't always mean the tantrums get worse.

Bugrit I hear you there. Chocolate was designed for this purpose.

If I'm looking at you, I'm probably thinking "There but for the grace of God ...". I now find it quite restful if a toddler is having a full blown tantrum, at least when I'm at home: once I've checked that there isn't any genuine problem and that they're safe, I feel free to go off and do my own thing whilst it blows itself out. If I'm in a shop I usually try to get them out, but I'm not going to condemn anyone who can't manage that for whatever reason.

Some people may be judging you, but that is their problem. Others are thanking their lucky stars that on that occasion it is not their child screaming blue murder. Still others, myself included, are sympathetic, and thankful that our own children are no longer toddlers. That said though, my two youngest are still in the stroppy teenage phase, which is challenging too.

I remember walking out of a shoe shop and leaving my eldest inside it when she pushed it too far once. Her younger sister (then 3) had needed new shoes but she (then 6) had recently had some and did not need any more. She tried stamping her feet, shrieking "I refuse to leave this shop without new shoes" and sitting firmly down. There were a few sharp intakes of breath from staff and other customers at that.

I responded "Fine, you don't have to leave the shop, but I am going to now, without buying you more new shoes You can join me when you are ready". I did. I walked out onto the street and stood watching through the window. She soon joined me. Silence all the way home, and she never pulled that stunt again.

I always give the parent a big smile and a knowing 'been there, got the t-shirt' sympathetic nod when I see this.
I ignored my DD when she was doing this.
Walked away from her if she was on the floor.
My poor DSis took her shopping once and called me to get some advice.
I told her to ignore and walk away.
She was shocked but it worked.

Very reassuring, thanks!! I do agree with a pp who said that they need help to regulate their emotions at times; which is why I stay calm, and do not get cross at him for a tantrum (unless he does something like hit me or his brother in temper!) ; I let him come to me for a cuddle to calm down which helps.

My response is different for my older son too; he doesn't seem to know when he needs a cuddle and calm down so I have to encourage him to let me do so.

Glad I'm not being a bad mum though