To think that if this is being two-faced then everybody is two-faced?

[twofacedorwhat]

I was told today by a guy I've been seeing that I am two-faced. He said this because I talk about people we work with and sometimes slag them off but I'm nice to their faces.

I have to work closely with some of these people and, to be honest, there are things I find annoying or unpleasant about them but that doesn't mean I dislike them. I also see traits that I like in them and when I talk to them I am not thinking nasty things about them, I am generally just enjoying the chat.

I don't go about talking about people to other people to stir up trouble but I do tell those I'm close to if someone has annoyed me or something like that.

This guy thinks that you either like someone or don't like them and you should be genuine in the way you interact. But surely most people don't actually do that? I certainly think most people I know 'play the game' to some extent, being pleasant in their interactions with people but having a bitch to their close friends/family.

So AIBU or am I just two-faced?

I have one friend at work who I moan about this stuff to, and she does the same. We both know exactly what we think of everyone else at work. If I'm having a tough day having to work with someone I find irritating, I know I can go to lunch with her and let it all rip so when I get back to the office I can continue being polite and professional to Mr Annoying! Having her there genuinely makes me a better worker.

It is two faced but who wins if I tell Mr Annoying what I think of him to his face? He will be very hurt and possible angry, I will probably get in trouble, and it will be even harder working with him in the future.

I agree with you OP

In life (and especially in work!) you have to learn to get along with people who you find annoying. It is surely preferable to be a little bit two faced than to be openly hostile with everyone who you don't particularly like.

If he works there, too, and doesn't like that you moan about them, then he's not your outlet. He might disagree with your opinions.