To trace this friend, or try to?

[Flossyfloof]

In the late 80s I lost touch with a friend when she did something which I found difficult. I was devastated and very judgemental (having told me she was not having an affair with the man next door, she went off with him). We must have been mid 20s at the time. I only saw her once after this had happened. I wasn't very nice to her. In those days of course communication was very different and we had no further contact. She had only recently moved and I am not sure of her old address. I would dearly love to see her again, if only to apologise but I would like to rekindle the friendship, she was a good friend and I was a judgemental fool, I think. I have missed her over the years.
I have done the usual things, tried to find her on Facebook, etc. it has been suggested that I try a people finding firm - but isn't that a bit stalkerish? Even if they managed to find her of course she may not want to know me. I don't know if I am just being weird about this.
If you were her would you find it all creepy? Should I leave well alone?

Hmm...

I would find it a bit odd, TBH.

I would have thought that if it's realy not possible to trace someone on the internet these days, then it probably is because they want to lie low.

Do you feel that you were so harsh towards her that she wouldn't reasonably feel able to get in touch with you, if she wanted to?

No reason why she should want to lie low, really - but I am assuming she has married, she was sing,e at that time.
I have moved lots of times and am not on Facebook so it would be hard to contact me.
I am sure it looks a bit weird, I just would like to lay it all to rest in my own mind.

I think that's going a bit far to be honest OP. I appreciate your feelings and think it might be really nice to meet up and make ammends, if you feel that's needed, but if you can't find her on fbook or something similar then I'd leave it.

I really wanted to contact an old school friend who I'd drifted apart from. I eventually found her and we emailed once or twice and then she never made contact so I just assumed she wasn't interested. I think you have to let things go sometimes.

I know what you mean OP - once you get it into your head that you want to contact her it's very hard to let it go. I wouldn't go as far as hiring someone to find her, but if it was me I'd have to keep looking and following up on my own routes of info.

Do you have anyone in common that you could ask? Were ye friends with some of the same people - if you could track them (they might be more 'findable') then you might be able to trace her?

Definitely get yourself onto Fb, so that if she does want to find you she'll be able to!! Also it's a brilliant way of hooking back up with people who know people who know people - you'd be amazed who you'd meet!

However if or when you eventually find out something, it might be upsetting - I Googled an ex last year and found his death notice

Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

Thanks, all. I know it sounds weird but I can't stop thinking about it and wondering how I could do so - with difficulty, assuming she has married in the last 20 years!
I think I will probably have to chalk it up to experience, I would just really like to know that she is ok and to apologise for being an arse and ruining a good friendship.