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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make an excuse as df is dying to go to work later

26 replies

whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 10:59

My DF confirmed what ive known for weeks..that he is dying of advanced cancer and it everywhere including his spine and he may have to stop driving.Ive known for ages he cant be cured or Mum either but i felt emotional fri,I warned my colleagues and the weekend went ok at work.
Ive been given alot of extra hrs so my car needed repairing then this news plus everyday family life.Dad telling me i can have his photo album of fav pics set me crying though not in front of him.
I love working infact have only had i eve and 3 weeks off sick in 9 yrs.
One of my male colleagues made a comment that i married my dh to have dcs then went on to refer to our DD as a workshy slut,Im sure he thinks this is funny and i told him she is no such thing(she has 1 bf and cant find work she is 17),
This morning i had enough and text to say i d be in bit later for my 11-1130 shift as DF had been ill.I never agree with letting people down but i am looking after me as i have 14hr day tue AIBU.

OP posts:
DoraGora · 20/04/2015 11:21

Heh?

sugarman · 20/04/2015 11:24

Sounds like you need a break from work. Can you book some leave?

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 11:37

sugarman i have a long weekend this week and my first trip away in many yrs just in time as it was already arranged thank goodness, I dont agree with lying but i couldnt face a 12 hr day then 14 hr one after working sunday too :(

OP posts:
shinyrobot · 20/04/2015 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NynaevesSister · 20/04/2015 11:42

There are times you need to pull a sickie. This is one of them. Emotional and mental health counts.

Your colleague is a desperate issue. You need to make it clear that he can't talk about your family like that. Have a chat to your manager if he doesn't stop.

NynaevesSister · 20/04/2015 11:42

Separate not desperate!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/04/2015 11:53

Oh my!! Where to beginning... Flowers so sorry!

It all sounds as if its happening very quickly with your dad.

I think you need to do what you need to... I would let your boss know just how serious the situation is with your dad. You like your work... And surely with your work history they should be giving you all the time you need to be with your dad??

Im wondering - if it is indeed only a few weeks he has... Can you just take emergency compassionate leave to he with him?

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 11:57

I did speak to my manager he agreed they had offered her work and she didnt respond...they didnt contact her and the easter hols she was in devon at her bfs away from family angst x Just find it hard no one cuts me any slack a large piece of equipment fell on my head last weekend at work and i carried on though i did log it as an accident people forget i am human.

OP posts:
sugarman · 20/04/2015 11:57

Sorry I didn't mean to book leave instead of taking a sick day, I meant as well as. Too much going on.

Look after yourself OP

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 12:01

I did ask for march off unpaid as i have put money aside and was told i was needed as team members had to help on other sites.Then i person left which put a stain on us all one girl phoned in twice in 8 days the workload is heavy without home stresses .I love it but feel like ive been hit by a bat not my buzzing self this last few days.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 20/04/2015 12:17

Op this is so confusing. You seem to say you rang in because you couldn't face two long shifts in a row, and 'lied' that your father is ill? Firstly it isn't a lie! And secondly, is it more because you are struggling to cope with all that is going on, especially with your father? If that is the case, perhaps you need signed off work since they won't let you take leave. I know many people that took off work on stress in similar circumstances, and no one thought badly of them. You need to think of yourself too here op.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 12:25

missduke its not a lie df is v ill i just lied he had been sick in the night mum was bit cross that i used an excuse .naughty but necessary i am drained with 2 teens here too though they do behave.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 20/04/2015 13:44

This is all very confused but it seems you could reasonably 1. Ask your doctor for a sick note and 2. Address the treatment you're getting at work.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 13:57

what and see how works is with me later :(

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 14:02

wait * not what.
sorry i prob rambled just letting off steam i guess.I may have to go sick if work cant be reasonable (lots of single people are leaving who have little home stress0 .

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 20/04/2015 14:53

Don't let all the 'busy- ness' at work cover and consume YOUR very real, immediate need.
Work is, and shouldn't be, your priority at the moment ... Dont let work tell you otherwise! Your dad's illness won't wait will it?

Unless Ive read it incorrectly, your dad is in the final few weeks of his life. I guess you want to spend time with him.

You sound completely worn out and under loads of stress. You are ENTITLED to see your GP and ask to be signed off. This happens all the time when a close relative is terminal. You should at least get ssp.

Prioritise what is important to you now - your dad. Work will have to wait. Anything else isnt kind to either you or your dad.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 20/04/2015 14:59

So sorry about dad, and Angry about your colleague-WTF? I think as others have said you do need to take time off due to your family circumstances, I also think you need to report your colleague for his totally inappropriate remarks, although you may want to leave that for a bit until you feel stronger.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 15:00

thanks devils dads chemo stopped working few months back his cancer is aggresive type.I think he will have couple more months....you are right and i do have life savings for emergencies x.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 20/04/2015 15:11

well payback is a bitch the rude guy is working alone on a hot busy shift as we speak.Some single men have no idea how hard it is to juggle dcs and he knows my dh had a heart attack 18 months ago ive done well to keep up with all my work except lost too much weight last yr and had to have sicknote otherwise im v hard working and loyal x

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 20/04/2015 15:39

I'm sure it's not necessarily due to his being single and male. It shouldn't matter to you what conditions he's working in.
Just look to your own well being, get signed off and deal with your colleagues and work conditions when you have less going on in your personal life.

DoorsAndWater · 20/04/2015 16:43

Just wanted to say I am so very sorry about you Dad Flowers

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 21/04/2015 00:33

Thanks work have decided to be supportive asking what they can do to help and ive asked for a few less hrs which would stop me being under so much pressurre.
The whole crappy comments thing does add to an already stressful situation and i have to say the women have offered kind words or none at all but this may be coincidental only this guy has said your parents will die deal with it.Which by and large i do .

OP posts:
Galrick · 21/04/2015 00:45

Wow, that man's a piece of work! I think it's a good idea to log all of his revolting comments and keep reporting him. He's a bully.

I'm so relieved you've told your boss about the strain of your dad's illness. It sounds like a good idea to see your doctor and tell her/him what's going on - you're under all kinds of strain, and I think they would want to know.

Well done. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Wishing you some good times with your parents during these coming weeks Flowers

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 21/04/2015 01:16

yes ive just got in from work and up at 7 to get dc up for school then work again until 11 pm.I guess i wouldnt know what to say if someone olders parents were v ill but i know i wouldnt say deal with it in a rude way as bottling things up isnt helpful,It is nice to go to work and have a change of scene but i feel it has done some good to reiterate how hard it is to see our loved ones suffering and as ive never been late for work in over a decade the point was made,i do intend to sit in the garden with them or do chores to help Mum it is the least i can do x

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 21/04/2015 07:50

First, Flowers for your Dad. I've got your Tshirt.

Second, you're on the verge on a breakdown. I notice your literacy changes with time of day, presumably due to stress/fatigue. You should NOT have continued working after the accident. Your hours could do with cutting by a third. Flowers for you too.

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