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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross at DH for meddling with my laptop?

26 replies

cashewnutty · 20/04/2015 08:12

We are a family of many gadgets (phones, laptops iPads). DH has his own stuff which i would never dream of touching or interfering with. He doesn't touch my phone or iPad, but he seems to think it is okay to interfere with my laptop.

This morning i find he has obviously done some update on it last night then closed it down. I rarely close it and i am really mad as i had a number of tabs open - things i was looking at and and wanted to explore further, and they are all gone.

I don't want him touching my laptop without at least asking me first. I feel like a child that can't be trusted to look after their own gear. Is this too much to ask?

Am off to password protect my laptop now. That'll teach him.

OP posts:

ImNameyChangey · 20/04/2015 09:45

You can get them back....at the top right of your screen should be a symbol like an equal sign but with an extra - so it's three - on top of one another...click on it and some words will appear...click the one that says RECENT TABS and then it will say something like "5 tabs" click that and they come back.

Iggly · 20/04/2015 09:46

Yanbu

Password protect it and tell him to fuck back off.

BIWI · 20/04/2015 09:48

I would hate this too! DH has a habit of 'tidying up' my emails on our PC which we share. Because of this, he has deleted stuff that I need more than once. He seems to have got the message now, because I've shouted at him about it so many times!

However, to be fair to your DH, it might have been an automatic update - my laptop is set to automatically update itself, and then it has to shut down to apply the updates.

And, you really should shut it down more often, rather than just 'sleep' it.

But yes, password-protect it to stop him fiddling!

kinkyfuckery · 20/04/2015 09:49

I'd be pissed off too, but did he know you wanted to save the tabs? And there is a high chance the updates were automatic and it shut itself down after installing them.
You can find the pages you were looking at in your history.

SunnyBaudelaire · 20/04/2015 09:52

yeh its a control thing - my ex used to check what sites I had been visiting.
Change your password, he has NO RIGHT to be controlling you like this, after all you would not go on his laptop would you?

BertieBotts · 20/04/2015 10:02

I think he was probably trying to be nice, but I'd be annoyed too.

Although are you sure the updates weren't automatic? Usually the computer then shuts itself down unless you click "Restart later" on a little countdown clock.

You can get your sites back as NameyChangey says.

BertieBotts · 20/04/2015 10:03

I really don't think it's necessarily a control thing! Slow down everyone!

Original poster

cashewnutty · 20/04/2015 10:03

He isn't trying to control me. He thinks he is being helpful. I have told him before not to do this. Or to at least ask me first. I confronted him and he looked a bit wounded. It is now password protected.

OP posts:

SunnyBaudelaire · 20/04/2015 10:04

sorry but IMO it is about control, sub conscious or not.
Why do wives not do this with their husbands laptops?

UnbelievableBollocks · 20/04/2015 10:06

It's annoying losing your tabs, but its really important that you do close down occasionally and let updates run on the machine as they close security breaches etc. Its easy enough to go into your history and find your browsing history again.

It's also not good for a laptop to be left on and plugged in all the time. Not just because of wasting energy, but because it can fuck over the battery.

SanctimoniousItches · 20/04/2015 10:07

yanbu

Even if he hasn't put spyware on it, it's like a diary kind of, your lap top, isn't it!? I hate people looking over my shoulder. I bet he wouldn't want you on his. He'd be aware of his boundary being ignored I think!

letscookbreakfast · 20/04/2015 10:11

It's annoying as my partner has done similar to my PC thinking she was being helpful, it's deffo not a control thing.

Original poster

cashewnutty · 20/04/2015 10:12

He won't have been looking at any of my stuff, he really isn't interested. He knows I don't always do updates immediately and I don't mind being reminded to do them. I just don't want him doing this without asking me first. I never ever look at his laptop.

OP posts:

TheoriginalLEM · 20/04/2015 10:13

You should think yourself lucky - I came home one day to find my DP with my Lap top IN BITS!! on the dining room table with a sheepish look on his face saying "sorry LEM, i can't figure out what to do now!" he was TRYING to fix the fan. There are ten million teeeny tiny screws in a lap top, all different sizes, all needing to be in specific holes, had he made a note of where they all went? No of course he didn't!!! Thank God for you-tube is all i can say where i found a how-to replace a faulty fan in my model of lap top and yes it did involve dismantling the whole thing, but it stated very clearly you needed to be careful to put the screws back in the right place and I still have a piece of circuit board on the side that i have no idea where it went or what it did. I did feel a sense of acheivement when, after the second attempt where the keyboard plug wasn't plugged in properly, I managed to put things back together and it actually works.

He knows NEVER to even approach my lap top again.

I did however put the keys back in random order so he can't even use it, i touch type so he can do one!

Sallystyle · 20/04/2015 10:23

If it is a mac I never ever turn mine off and there is no technical reason to do so.

YANBU. No one can touch mine.

BIWI · 20/04/2015 12:32

We have Macs, at work, and our IT guy has said that the latest OS update isn't great if you don't keep shutting down the laptop. No idea why. But I have noticed that many of my apps keep freezing, and I have to turn the thing off and back on again - very frustrating.

MNpostingbot · 20/04/2015 14:38

I don't think its a control thing.

I'm guessing that if you can't recover a few pages of history from a closed down Internet explorer screen then you probably aren't the person who does the software updates etc. They have to be done sooner or later or your machine will slow / become exposed to viruses., even macs and most of their updates require you to shut down all applications even if you don't shut the machine down.

It's annoying for you, but not as annoying as being forced to update when you want to use the laptop, I'd be grateful if someone did it for me

maninawomansworld · 20/04/2015 16:51

Just change the password and don't let him have the new one.

namechange0dq8 · 20/04/2015 17:14

If it is a mac I never ever turn mine off and there is no technical reason to do so.

Yes there is. Several of the recent security updates either require or strongly advise a reboot. If you're not running the latest bits, you're not running the latest updates. And at least one of the OSX security problems of recent months is genuinely bad, genuinely scary. Check your machine against

gotofail.com

FluffyPersian · 20/04/2015 17:22

I don't know it's because I work in I.T, however my partner has never, ever, EVER touched my laptop (he also works in I.T.) and I've never changed anything on any of his machines.... For some reason I find the thought of him changing anything absolutely abhorrent - It's like, changing something in my soul

I'd be absolutely livid if anyone did anything - however I've got full disk encryption as well as a normal OS log on password which noone knows, so the chances of that happening are about 0.0000001%

supersop60 · 20/04/2015 17:25

I have a 'helpful' DP too, who quite often tells me he's done this and that to the pc to make it run faster (or whatever).
Then I find that by such 'help' he's deleted all my history, passwords, bookmarks etc WITHOUT ASKING.
I have great sympathy OP.

supersop60 · 20/04/2015 17:29

I would add that I'm perfectly capable of running my own updates, scans, cleaners etc, and do so.

Sallystyle · 20/04/2015 17:41

I do the updates and reset it when they tell me I need to. There is no need to turn it off at any other time. Sleep mode is fine.

shewept · 20/04/2015 17:48

Yanbu dh does crap like this. Although after living together for 15 years he has packed it in. I remember when we first lived together and he helped me out twice by washing all my white works shirts and white bras. No idea what the fuck he did, but both times they all came out grey.

Tbf he was trying to help but it pissed me off.

Original poster

cashewnutty · 20/04/2015 17:51

I do the updates, just not immediately. I hadn't had any notifications of any recently. Whatever he did wasn't something that came with a notification. The closing of tabs is the least of my issues. My main thing is that he did something to my property without asking.

OP posts:

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