AIBU to ask for suggestions? (title amended by MNHQ)

[NigelFarageIsABellend]

Every time, EVERY TIME, DSD 7 does maths homework it descends into a 2+ hour marathon of tantrums and tears and DP shouting.

DP is partly to blame, and I've told him this. He hovers and helicopters and mithers and doesn't let DSD get on with it. I've suggested a zillion different strategies for making it less of an ordeal for everyone but nothing has changed.

Whenever I supervise her homework I let her get on with it on her own and we check the answers afterwards. And it's a much calmer experience all round.

But if DP is present then it's impossible for him to resist getting involved.

We live in a 2 bed flat with an open plan kitchen/living room. If DSD is at the kitchen table and all this is going on, I get no peace. I have a front row seat to the drama. It's impossible to watch TV or get any work done or do anything.

It's not practical for them to do homework in the bedroom as DSD shares with DD 18 months and there's no workspace.

I guess I could go into our bedroom to escape but I'd have to take DD with me and that's not much fun for her. Also, there's no TV in there.

Yesterday there was a massive drawn out performance about the maths homework and this morning we've just had another one. (DSD has six pages of maths homework to do before school starts on Tues. She's been doing two pages a day since Friday.)

Fuck knows why DP persists with his approach but I've given up trying to make him see sense.

I'm really at the end of my tether. What would you suggest in my situation?

Way to go to make a child hate maths!

You and your DP need to focus on how to help her and support/motivate her.

I don't think it has to be a case of you/DP are either involved or you are not. I'd agree with discussing with the teacher but with a view to getting advice/strategies on the best way to support DSD whilst she's doing the homework. If you simply present that it takes ages and is stressful she may well just be given something easier (which won't help the problem you posted about).

DP needs to get on side here. His 'my way or the highway' attitude is helping no-one. He needs to admit his method isn't working and agree to try something else - if nothing else to avoid her having a life long loathing of the subject.

Totally agree with your user name & fact that number lines etc seem to make things more complex than they need to be!
Had same problem with my DH & it was usually due to fact that he didn't understand how they were working things out & tried to 'correct' them. That was where arguing/tears came in. At maths workshop at school (for parents) they told us they they teach these methods as stepping-stones to 'doing it properly'. Thank feck we are now out the other side & I now understand what they're up to again! Although recently moved onto algebra, so it won't be for long.
DH doesn't do homework now, way too stressful for all involved. I nag dc to get on with it, sit nearby on MN available for any questions/keep them on track, check it after & go through anything that is wrong. It's so much easier than getting DH involved & I get to sit & drink coffee.
Just need to work on his continual interruptions now - he's a bit of a feeder

Hallo
WE've amended the title of this thread for the OP to help protect her anonymity. Thanks

Please address this urgently. The poor kid will completely lose confidence in all schoolwork (and perhaps other areas of life) if this continues. To this day, I have a i'm-shit-at-maths complex because of similar experiences. It has taken a lot of work to start to get over it.
If ex-wife takes charge of the english and the husband the maths, is there an element of competitiveness/having to prove something? Could you swap it around?

Ask your partner why he thinks the school want to mark his work.

A parent being that involved with their child's homework is not helping them. They are preventing the school from accurately assessing how much of what they have been taught they have understood.

Unless your partner intends to dress up as his daughter and take her GCSEs for her he needs to back off.

Could you film your husband when he's shouting etc? He may not realise in the moment how over the top he's being?
Or when he's doing a similar task (crossword, following a recipe, building flat pack or anything similar) you could play his role and hover, intervene etc and when he snaps explain how DSD feels.