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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So wound up- stag do's!

16 replies

jugglingmonkey · 19/04/2015 00:34

Grrrrrr DH must be in the mood for a fight because I'm sure he's riling me on purpose tonight!

DB2 and SIL have been over for dinner tonight. DB2 is planning DB1's stag do, and wanted a few ideas from DH.

Suffice to say that they clearly have very different ideas. DB1 has requested something quiet, country house, local pubs, BBQ, go karting. No seedy clubs basically. DB2 is happily obliging, and has planned what sounds like a great weekend, with so much thought gone into it.

Tonight though, DH has implied it'll be boring, and that the stag shouldn't be making requests. He's being really churlish too, 'well I've never been on a stag do without a club night... It's one weekend in your life, it should be memorable and you have to embarrass him'.

AIBU to think that DB's stag can be memorable for all the right reasons? And slightly unimpressed by DH's childish behaviour?

In fact, stag do's piss me off generally and DH knows it... So I'm sure that's half the reason he's still bleeding on.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 19/04/2015 01:04

Why don't you sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning. No point spoiling an evening.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2015 01:07

Yanbu.
It should be up to the stag.
One of the reasons dh and I took so long to get married, was because he couldn't bear the thought of having to go on a 'traditional'(ie sleazy, drunken) stag.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 19/04/2015 08:28

I think it should be up to the stag what he wants to do. I think if he concedes and goes along with whatever his mates what to do because they think his ideas are boring/crap whatever then his probably won't enjoy it.

I hate Stag and hen nights. They're not even that anymore now. They're either a weekend or a whole bloody week!

Each to their own but they are not my cup of tea.

Breadrocks · 19/04/2015 09:06

Yanbu. My bil walked out of his stag because they went against his wishes and took him to a strip bar and tried to humiliate him with a stripper show. He is quite introverted and had made it very clear he didn't want anything like that. His 'mates' chose to ignore him.
I will never understand why some men think a stag is about embarrassing their friend who is getting married?

I also heard of a friend of a friend whose husband was given a 'dirty pint' to drink and he ended up in a&e a few nights before his wedding! (A dirty pint is usually a shot of each and every spirit along the bar)

Each to their own, if someone wants a crazy debauched stag thats fine, but your poor bro shouldn't be forced into it because your dh feels like it's some compulsory rite of passage. But I would let them get on with it. Maybe have a quiet word with db2 and tell him what you think?

fulltothebrim · 19/04/2015 09:09

I wouldn't want to marry a man who thought a stag do is a good idea.

But then I wouln't want to get married either.

Nolim · 19/04/2015 09:15

Nothing wrong with the stag wanting to have a good time instead of embarasing himself. His opinion should count.

MarwoodsMate · 19/04/2015 09:17

Yanbu. It should absolutely be up to the stag and your DH is behaving a bit immaturely.

Your DH is BU for imposing his ideas on DB. How U he is being kind of depends on what he is suggesting though. I mean, there are club nights and club nights. It's a bit unkind to impose a mad club night on someone who wants something a bit less tacky / more boring depending on how you look at it! Does DH really want to be 'that guy'? You know, the one who instigates all the sleazy crap on a stag do? Bit uncool IMHO.

FeijoaSundae · 19/04/2015 09:20

So, clearly he's just saying this stuff to wind you up (presumably for his own unfathomable reasons).

Best reaction then, is no reaction. Nod and smile, and don't bite. Take the wind out if his sails.

formerbabe · 19/04/2015 09:23

I wouldn't want to marry a man who thought a stag do is a good idea.

. One of the oddest things I have read in a long time!

GnomeDePlume · 19/04/2015 09:24

YANBU

It does sound like your DH is trying to wind you up.

Leave him to it, dont engage.

Only get involved if he starts trying to takeover the plans to bring it down to his own level.

FeijoaSundae · 19/04/2015 09:25

Agree ^^

What's wrong with the sort of stag do the OP's brother is proposing?

MagelanicClouds · 19/04/2015 09:27

My DH couldn't stomach the idea of a traditional stag do. I got the impression that if he'd had the choice he wouldn't have bothered at all. In the end he went out for a curry with some friends. Some of his workmates thought he was being dull and tried to drag him clubbing afterwards. He refused to go.
Tell DB to ignore your DH and plan what he thinks is best. It might be time for the 'nod, smile, ignore' response as far as your DH is concerened. If he's wanting to pick a fight, don't give him the satisfaction.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 19/04/2015 09:48

He sounds like a petulant child, presumably he isn't normally like this. Don't bite, let it go.

maliaki · 19/04/2015 10:51

YANBU, sounds like he's looking to wind you up OP. It's up to Dbro 1.

Is your DH nervous about going away with your Dbros and their friends? Maybe he's a bit uneasy about the quieter, more chilled out because it's more intimate as opposed to pub jumping and clubbing.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 19/04/2015 10:56

My DH stayed in a country house with his brothers and they did loads of outdoor stuff, and had a few beers together in the evening and some nice food. He really enjoyed it. He would have found a sleazy club night utterly appalling. So technically it was a 'stag weekend' but it was far more a chance to be with his brothers, who he hardly sees and just enjoy each other's company before our wedding.

That said, I can't imagine any of his friends or family thinking for a second they should arrange anything remotely clubby/sleazy.

DarthVadersTailor · 19/04/2015 11:07

YANBU.

Best stag I've been on was paintballing and dinner. The seedy stuff is cliché and frankly shit anyway. Perhaps traditionally the stag doesn't get much say in matters but generally these days the stag should have the say, especially as these events tend to be pricey.

Saying that, it's got little to do with you OP. You've a right to disapprove but none to interfere.

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