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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to still be annoyed by this

18 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 19/04/2015 00:25

I got asked... again at work on Friday if I wanted to contribute to a collection for a member of staff who's going on maternity leave soon.
I said no as while I have worked there I have got married and have had 2 dc's, never even receiving so much as a card.
It's the same people who work there and they have always done collections and I always contributed until they never even gave me a second thought on not one but 3 occasions. It's been bugging me all day!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 19/04/2015 00:39

What was their response when you asked them why they were doing a collection for this colleague, but hadn't for wither your wedding or your dc's births ?

ilovelamp82 · 19/04/2015 00:40

That seems fair enough to me. How hurtful. I wouldn't donate either in your position

QueenBean · 19/04/2015 00:41

Why didnt they do one for you? Did you tell the collector why you didn't want to contribute?

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 19/04/2015 00:41

Are you the default card-organiser and they just forgot about you?

Have you told them that no one ever got you a card?

Was the person who's getting a card employed when you didn't get a card?

Or have they just started this card-thing and you were too late?

I'd contribute, but point out that you never got a sausage. Then don't worry about it any more!

ponybark · 19/04/2015 00:41

what are they like with contributions for other people?

are you the only one left out?

ShadowSteam · 19/04/2015 00:44

Did you tell them why you weren't contributing?

And YANBU. I'd be hurt and annoyed about that.

Original poster

justalittlelemondrizzle · 19/04/2015 00:45

No I left that bit out. I just said no abruptly. She may know why by the way I said it as she was part of the group who did collections back when I had dc's and got married. They go all out for everyone else I'd have been happy with a card... I'd love to ask and find out why but I don't have the balls to ask.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 19/04/2015 00:52

I can't see the point of saying no without saying why and asking why you were overlooked.

ItchyOldBint · 19/04/2015 00:56

YANBU - Why should you contribute when not even one of your special occasions was acknowledged?

daffsandtulips · 19/04/2015 02:12

YANBU. I don't do "contributions" at work, it would take up half my salary Shit.... not another birthday, new born, leaving present. I stay right out of it and expect nothing either. They are people I work with and thats it. I also don't go on any of the nights out either. I don't wish to spend my spare time socialising with colleagues.

I sound like a right old grouch here but I have a life outside of work and that's the way I personally like to keep it.

sykadelic · 19/04/2015 06:41

"Oh are we doing that again? When I didn't get anything for my wedding, or births of my two children I assumed it wasn't being done anymore."

shewept · 19/04/2015 06:53

I don't even get this. I worked in an office where we did cards. That's was nice.

I then worked in an office where every month we gave a team member £3 for that's months birthdays. She would then buy presents and cards. Then you were expected to look all surprised when you came in and you desk was decorated and they gave you presents. Personally I would have rather kept my £36 per year. And bought myself a lush box set, instead. All bit awkward and cringy.

But it was the only way people didn't get forgot.

Yanbu and I wish I had just said 'lets stop doing this', it always ends up a bit shit. And if you have been left out I am not surprised you are pissed off.

ShadowSteam · 19/04/2015 09:10

I do think that if the reason you're saying no is because they didn't do a collection for you, that you should tell them so.

As in "No, I'm not contributing to X's baby gift because nobody at work bothered about doing a collection for either of my DC".

They may well have forgotten all about not getting you a gift by now and just be thinking that you're not interested in being included in social things at work rather than the real reason.

BackforGood · 19/04/2015 09:34

Well YABU to just say "No" and not have a conversation with her about how hurt you were at the time.
After all, it's not the person who this collection is for that didn't collect for you. Or you could suggest some kind of a system, or "rules" about what is collected for and how, or, if people prefer that it ^doesn't happen. Point is, you are helping no-one, and only winding yourself up by silently fuming and not saying anything.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 19/04/2015 09:50

I would be upset. But I'd contribute to make sure I wasn't seen to be unreasonable (or keep moral high ground...) and point out that no one did it for me. And see what they say.
If no explanation or apology I probably wouldn't contribute again.

sykadelic · 19/04/2015 16:43

I hate collections. I hate them because, honestly, I don't trust people. I don't trust people to go out and get a "deal" or something cheap and pocket any leftover money. I want a suggested gift, I want people to come together and say "yep I'll help with that" and then divvy up the price rather than giving a certain amount and never knowing what the gift was going to be or would cost. It's very uninvolved doing it that way too.

corgiology · 19/04/2015 21:49

Ugh I hate this. It makes everything so awkward.

If you want to buy cards and presents for colleagues then great! Go ahead and buy them on your own. Don't add other names on and then do a collection. Asking in this way makes it incredibly uncomfortable as colleagues as you have to see them regularly.

The only fair way I see of doing it is to either buy your own presents or have a fund and people that want to take part all put in a small amount and only those people are included in the celebrations including the giving and receiving. Unfortunately that way of doing it is quite rare in my experience.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 19/04/2015 22:15

The last one we had at work was a funeral repatriation. We gave so much that the balance was greater than the cost: it went to the Stroke Association because that was the cause of death.

I'm not looking forward to the next one, which is going to be for a colleague's DW with terminal cancer. Poor bastard lost 8 stone because they wanted to grow old together, and they got the diagnosis a week after he hit his target weight.

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