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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is weird

62 replies

Sunflower1985 · 18/04/2015 21:53

Next door neighbours were round for lunch last weekend and said they were in need of a childminder for their 12yo the following weekend. They were off on a weekend break and their childminder fell through. We offered (it was no problem really - we have a 2yo ds who loves the attention).
In the end the mother didn't go on the holiday (hay fever attack) but the 12yo still came round and has been staying with us for two nights, while her mother is next door, perfectly recovered from hay fever.

We haven't said anything, as we're too polite and perplexed. So AIBU to think they should have stopped their daughter from coming over and the whole situation is weird?!?

OP posts:

MoanCraft · 18/04/2015 22:55

What gold said, for sure

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 18/04/2015 23:15

Sounds like there is some distress going on .
I would take the child back tomorrow and ask if she is ok or in need of some support.

Coconutty · 18/04/2015 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EquinoxEclipse · 18/04/2015 23:23

I genuinely don't understand why you're so passive about it!

PeppermintCrayon · 18/04/2015 23:32

Marking place!

ilovesooty · 18/04/2015 23:33

I think I'd be worried about the mum and asking if she's ok.

SpringBreaker · 18/04/2015 23:35

how about go round to see if the mum is ok?

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2015 23:37

This is sooo weird on both sides of the coin!

I have a mental vision of this girl turning 16 and the OP eventually saying, 'Ahem' pardon me awfully but you appear to have left your DD with us for the past 4 years'....in a typically embarrassed British way

OP, just suggest she needs to go home, or suggest to your neighbour she needs to take her back as there was no reason for her to stay in the first place.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/04/2015 23:46

How did the mum seem when she came to give the dd a hug?

Didn't you invite her in? Surely there was at least a bit of a conversation between you and her about how the husband was enjoying the break away and what she was doing in his absence?

I think you would have some clue as to what was going on if you'd gauged her reaction to such questions.

LaurieFairyCake · 18/04/2015 23:47

It's not weird if they're paying you as a childminder though

If she's paying she can choose what she does with that time, whether it's getting over her marriage or a hayfever attack.

Loads of people including me have used childcare to get a day off to do chores, get their hair done/whatever

EquinoxEclipse · 19/04/2015 00:06

Where did the OP say that she was being paid as a childminder?

LaurieFairyCake · 19/04/2015 01:02

She didn't. She used the term 'childminder' which is a paid job over any other.

So it might be a paid thing seeing as how they were going to pay a childminder but they let them down.

SandysMam · 19/04/2015 08:49

Am I the only one who honestly doesn't think it's that weird?? Apart from the fact that is seems quite clear they have split up or something and therefore mum needs some time to get sorted, if it IS innocent and she really does have hay fever so bad she can't go away, then again she may think as she is that ill the child is better off with you for the weekend any way! You are obviously good friends to take the child in in the first place and if not then YABU for taking in a 12 year old girl you hardly know. Keep us updated OP!!

shewept · 19/04/2015 09:03

Yanbu. If she still wanted/ needed the child to stay there she should have at least explained briefly why. Something like 'plans have changed, I don't feel ready to go into it, but can you still have dc?' Or 'I am not going but dc really wants to stay, is that ok?'

But to leave her there and pop round to give her a hug but not take her home or explaining to you, is weird.

There could be lots of reasons he went and she didn't. She may be telling you its hay fever, but she could have told him she simply didn't want to go and he did, so they decided she would stay he would go. Or maybe she cancels at last minute a lot and he was looking forward to it and is fed up of her cancelling stuff he wants to do.

He probably thinks their child is at home with the mother.

shewept · 19/04/2015 09:05

sandys so ill she can't explain to the neighbour why she still needs her offer of free childcare? But well enough to go round for a hug?

HennaFlare · 19/04/2015 09:09

Hayfever = red eyes from crying? Be gentle with your neighbour and ask her if she's ok when you take the DD back at the time you agreed.

AtSea1979 · 19/04/2015 09:17

I agree it sounds like they have separated

bobajob · 19/04/2015 09:20

I don't think it's that weird - child was probably looking forward to coming.

Hay fever does sound like an excuse for crying.

I'd take the kid back today and check mum's ok.

cleanmyhouse · 19/04/2015 10:22

Based on how entitled all mumsnet neighbours seem to be, i reckon shes having some quiet time to herself and would be shocked you thought something was wrong.

brusselsproutwarning · 19/04/2015 10:28

Is she still there?
Putting on kettle.

Original poster

Sunflower1985 · 19/04/2015 12:29

So, we just sent her back home after a trip to the park this morning. The mother came out when we got back and said thank you and was really grateful, but didn't offer any explanation and we didn't ask, partly because in case it would make her feel awkward but mostly because we just wanted to have the rest of our Sunday to ourselves.
Oh and, no payment was ever received. They bought us an aldi telescope and said 'we know you won't take money'. Ha - no we totally would have taken the money!!
Last night when the mother came round to say goodnight we asked her to stay and watch tv, have a cup of tea etc but she just kept saying she'd left the iron on and she had to run. She didn't seem ill or puffy eyed. We asked about the hay fever and she said the antihistamines had worked and she was fine.
Thank you mnetters for giving us some perspective.
Sorry I can't offer any conclusions for the curios - but I'll be back if anything else happens.
Now for a relaxing pre-teen free Sunday!

OP posts:

TrinityRhino · 19/04/2015 12:32

pokes head in just to say hi to coconutty, cocolepew and sangria

TrinityRhino · 19/04/2015 12:33

and worra and laurie

how the hell are you all?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 19/04/2015 12:44

I don't get red puffy eyes from hay fever but they do stream like a bitch. Maybe she genuinely just wanted the days to herself but felt too cheeky to say

DrankSangriaInThePark · 19/04/2015 13:14

Yo Trin!
I'm slightly disappointed that this thread has fizzled so unspectacularly, but the thrusting into your hands of an Aldi telescope has added to the realm of utter bonkersness of it all.

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