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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DH to be quiet and use the bathroom to get ready when getting up early at weekends?

47 replies

Songofsixpence · 18/04/2015 10:55

I struggle with insomnia, and this week has been quite bad. I'm bloody knackered and just want some sleep and was looking forward to having a bit of a lie in this morning.

Today DH has a whole day thing related to his hobby, which involved him being up and out of the house by 7am.

So at 5:30am the alarm goes off but instead of getting up straight away he hits the snooze button, and continues to do so until 6:15 with the bloody alarm blaring out every 7 minutes. The bloody cat, hearing the alarm, thinks it's breakfast time and starts pulling my hair and batting my face. DH then goes and gets in the shower in our ensuite (forgetting to turn the bastard alarm off properly so it goes off again). He's banging around, getting dressed and whatnot, dropping his deodorant on the tiled floor, flushing the loo, in and out the bedroom looking for clothes and generally making a bit of a racket.

By about 6:45am I am now wide awake and absolutely no hope of ever getting back to sleep and I hate staying in bed once awake so I get up..

He comes downstairs and is surprised to find me up already. I point out that he woke me up, and once I'm awake I'm awake, so I was just mooching with coffee and my iPad.

He got a bit arsey, well how is he supposed to get dressed silently, he needed a shower, what is he supposed to do? He did try

I pointed out that perhaps he could have got ready in the main family bathroom, maybe had a shower and got his stuff together last night (given that he's going to end up getting filthy and sweaty today anyway) or showered in the main bathroom, maybe he could have got up and fed the cat considering he was getting up anyway. Not snoozed the bloody alarm clock for 45 minutes, ignore the cat, and then crash about like a bull in a china shop.

He's in a strop about it. Lots of 'god, I can't do anything right, I did try'. He doesn't like the shower in the bathroom, he can't help needing to flush the loo, he needs to get ready.

What pisses me off most, is that on nights I'm struggling to sleep I take myself off downstairs to the sofa so as not to disturb him.

OP posts:

pressone · 18/04/2015 12:25

When DP is on an early (gets up between 04:00-04:30) he baths and shaves the night before, sets out his clothes in the spare room and does whatever he needs to do in the main bathroom rather than the en-suite. I make sure the coffee-machine is full of coffee and water with a cup in place, and the last channel the TV was on before I switch it off is News24 so for both he just presses one button to get his coffee ans news fix.

It is a two way street I am considerate of him and he of me. IMO your DH is being partially considerate but needs to step up his efforts.

Original poster

Songofsixpence · 18/04/2015 12:29

I think with the snooze thing, he doesn't really know he's doing it.

The snooze button on the alarm clock is huge and right in the middle on the top, the actual off button is a little slidey switch on the side so hitting snooze is kind of automatic and he does it in his sleep.

Not making excuses for him, it pisses me off and I'm tempted to beat him to death with it, but I don't think it's deliberate.

OP posts:

kittycatz · 18/04/2015 12:29

YANBU - the snooze thing drives me mad. I get that every bloody day because DP goes to work very early. Damn snooze seems to be set earlier and earlier. Bloody thing goes off 45 minutes before he gets up and then every 5 minutes. Then he has a second alarm clock which makes a hideous noise. He never seems to know what it is or where it is to switch the bloody thing off. Never mind the fact that he has a job involving pieces of electrical equipment (can't say what they are because I will out myself) which send him text messages through the night when they are ready to be switched on. This only goes on in winter but I have gone berserk about it.
Grrrr... we have discussed this and reached a compromise but he is so dippy sometimes that he forgets to put the phone on to silent and still sets the alarm wrongly.
However, when he does get up he is very quiet and his things are always organized the night before so there is no fussing about in drawers and cupboards.
OP your DH is being a knob getting arsey about it. Tell him it isn't to happen again and what he needs to do instead.

swimmerforlife · 18/04/2015 12:36

YANBU. Whoever invented the snooze thing needs stringing up!

I am always up before DH as I have to be out of the house by 7:30am for work (he's pt). I try my best to stay quiet and hardly ever put it on snooze etc and get my work stuff ready the night before. It's just basic manners.

Obviously there are going to be times where you are going to make a loud noise if you forget something and are fumbling around in the dark but you need to make preventions to avoid it at all possible.

laurierf · 18/04/2015 13:05

He got arsey about it because in his mind he had been quiet (tiptoeing, not turning the light on etc.) and was surprised to see the OP up! He just doesn't get it because he doesn't have the 'once I'm awake I'm awake even if I've only had 2 hours sleep the whole night thing'. Just like I had to explain to my DH that I was going to throw his mobile phone (his alarm) out the window if he didn't stop using the snooze function when we are sharing a bed - he thought it was a much nicer way for people to wake up slowly and that you'd just go back to sleep if you didn't have to get up! He needs the instructions for 'how to not wake up DW' spelt out clearly.

laurierf · 18/04/2015 13:14

Also OP, if funds allow it… getting a decent sofa bed made a big difference. We have one that is very quick to pull out and has a memory foam mattress. Bedding is permanently kept in a nice-looking chest in the living room next to it - it's easy and comfy enough that neither of us feel hard done by if we end up on it, and DH actually volunteers to sleep on it when I've reached the stage of knackerdness you had this week.

ovenchips · 18/04/2015 13:25

I think I would be murderous in this situation.

I'm wondering if by replicating the same scenario but with roles reversed is the only way for the penny to drop?

As he's such a good sleeper you'd have to be good and sure he was being properly disturbed by all the different noises though. And remember to pick a time he really wants to sleep later than you

keepsmiling2015 · 18/04/2015 13:29

That snooze button thing is so unbelievably disrespectful!

FinallyHere · 18/04/2015 13:37

I agree the way forward to to have a chat when you are both calm. Really talk through what he is going to do and what impact that would have on you and let him work out what he could do instead.

Our no snooze rule didn't really get implemented until i had inadvertently done it to him just the once. That evening he carefully explained what impact it had on him and i solemnly agreed not to use it again if he refrained too. I actually watched his face as he worked it out.

Since then, peace. Not helpful, I realise, but does show that people dont always understand the details til they feel it themselves.

GnomeDePlume · 18/04/2015 14:02

I agree with FinallyHere. It can be difficult until explained clearly and calmly why particular things are so disturbing. I had to explain to my DH that the radio has to be either on so that I can hear it or off. Burbling quietly drove me potty as my ears strained to make out what was being said.

I think that the OP's DH is getting a bit of a hard time here. He did try. Two of the things the OP mentioned (banging the bed and dropping the deoderant) were accidents. Unfortunately they happen the most when trying to be quiet.

OP explain that the ensuite light shines in your eyes, explain that the snooze is disturbing. He isnt you so wont feel how they affect you.

Andrewofgg · 18/04/2015 14:10

You are right except about the shower. If he wants a shower before he goes out and that wakes you it is JTB.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 18/04/2015 15:56

He needs to:-
Prep tomorrows stuff tonight
Put his alarm set for the right time and at the other end of the room
Get showered and dressed in the main bathroom
Apologise.

PlanningMyFuture · 18/04/2015 16:00

YANBU given the facts you have presented.
If he was getting up to go to work and showering before he did and that woke you then yes you would be.
But given everything else you have said then he needs to get as much ready as possible beforehand, the night beforehand, in a different part of the house for the morning, and respect your wishes for sleep.
Oh, and the snooze button going off every 7 minutes....why cant he set it for 6.15 just like a normal person would and get up straight away then.
Perhaps he just wants you to get him up, tea, breakfast, wave him off the big hero going to do his man thing......that's why he makes noise - hes in a strop?

tametempo · 18/04/2015 16:41

This is my DH to a tee! Nothing can be done quietly.
Poor you OP.

SuffolkNWhat · 18/04/2015 16:45

Sellotape drawing pins to the sodding snooze button, that'll get him up

windchime · 18/04/2015 18:40

I never understood the whole snooze button thing. You just ending feeling like shit if you keep nodding off and waking up a few minutes later. Better just to set the alarm for the time you need to get up and get 45 minutes more quality sleep. People are strange.

GinPleaseThankYou · 18/04/2015 19:06

YANBU.

My alarm goes off at 05:20 each morning. I do not hit snooze. I manage to get ready and leave the house without waking DS and without seriously disturbing DH.

This is mainly achieved by having my box of tricks (make up and hair paraphernalia) downstairs and showering / hair washing in the evening rather than the morning. I navigate by phone torch.

It's a pain in the tit but not difficult.

GinPleaseThankYou · 18/04/2015 19:07

I should probably add that once downstairs I do turn lights on - I don't do hair and make up by iPhone light

Purplepoodle · 18/04/2015 19:15

Put alarm on your side of the bed. Set it to the correct time and tell him it will go off once then you will turn it off and nudge him to get up. If he doesn't get up its his problem. Make him leave all his clothes downstairs

bananayellow · 18/04/2015 19:16

mtb

Adarajames · 18/04/2015 21:42

I really feel for you, I go literally psychotic without enough sleep and have been found holding a knife threatening to kill someone that kept me awake for more than a week!

Have you tried melatonin op? Ive had major insomnia for years but it's been a total wonder and helped me sleep well for the first time in years, and probably save me from murdering a few people over the last few years!

AntiHop · 18/04/2015 22:30

Yanbu. That would really annoy me. My dp does a similar thing with the snooze. Drives me potty since we've had our baby as I'm exhausted and need my sleep. The alarm often wakes dd too.

Your dh is being very inconsiderate. He should wash in the other bathroom and get everything ready the night before to minimise noise. And put his alarm away from the bed so he has to get out of bed and wake up to switch it off.

I feel for you with the insomnia. It's horrible.

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