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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re court order

24 replies

attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 21:56

A court order for contact has recently been decided, on a four weekly basis as following;
week 1 DS is at exps all weekend
week 2 DS is with me until 5pm Sat, and with exp til 6pm Sun
week 3 DS again at exps all wkend
week 4 DS is with me all wkend

however, as I'm very new to this I'm not sure who is right or who is wrong...

my understanding was that school holidays would be split equally, so as exp had DS on his birthday wkend Sad from the 3rd April til the 12th-9 nights. I would then have a full week also, right? wrong.

exp turned up at my door (I was out) to collect DS today. I explained my understanding of it and he is livid. however when talking with my lawyer a few weeks ago, i interpreted the situation to be that when holiday contact was finished with exp, I would also have the same amount of holiday contact, so then we would just start from scratch again at week 1 whenever that was, which would mean week 1 would begin next weekend.

exp is right in that we are now at week 3 of the month, so his full wkend technically, but surely that overrides as it would mean he has DS 11 nights out of the fortnight, and 3 weekends, and I get a measly 4 daysConfused with no weekend time

So confused. if I am wrong, what will happen, as that would mean I have not stuck to the court order Sad

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 17/04/2015 21:59

Go back to slicitor and get in writing what occurs during holiday time. Dont let anyone push you around.

minionmadness · 17/04/2015 22:01

Do you have ds with you all week days?

ShouldIworryornothelp · 17/04/2015 22:03

Traditionally contact is:

Alternate weekends
Half school holidays
Alternate Christmases (so week before to Christmas day then boxing day to whenever)

That's usually regardless of who the rp is

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 22:03

Yes, because of the distance. I live minutes walk from DS school, exp is an hours drive

OP posts:
ShouldIworryornothelp · 17/04/2015 22:06

With my arrangement we had a court order. Ex was and is a wanker who won't stick to it. I have residence and at the school holidays we generally do Saturday to Saturday (midday - midday) and then continue alternate weekends from there

So

He has half term for a week so the next weekend is mine.

I have second week of easter so he gets the weekend that falls after the easter holidays (I get the end of the week his contact the week after) make sense?

mynewpassion · 17/04/2015 22:06

Clarify holiday, Christmas, mother's day, and father's day, too, if you haven't already

Northernparent68 · 17/04/2015 22:07

Can't you discuss it with your ex ?

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 22:13

Yes I tried to discuss it with him. but nothing I say ever gets taken seriously by him. I pointed out that holidays are halved, so him having 3 consecutive weekends plus 9 nights means I have essentially Mon-Fri only.

he is very black and white
this is week 3 so it's his full weekend.

OP posts:
hunibuni · 17/04/2015 22:16

When the DSDs were young enough to need a contact order the judge specified that holidays set everything back to week 1. It worked as
Week 1 Fri-Sun
Week2 Sat-Sun
Week 3 XW
Week4 Fri-Sat

If Easter holidays had happened in week 3 then XW would have had them for the whole week then DH would have had them for the whole of the following week. Kids back to school on Monday and the clock would reset to week 1 again. Summer holidays would be 2 week blocks at a time and once the kids went back to school clock would reset to week 1. It meant that we knew when we had them and could organise things. However, XW soon got fed up with having them at the weekends so we had them every weekend and the all of the holidays, except for Christmas eve and morning (until the kids were around 9 and voted with their feet to stay at GP's until bed time Christmas eve and back to GPs ASAP once they had Christmas lunch)

ShouldIworryornothelp · 17/04/2015 22:16

Break the court order, I would. The onus would then be on him to take you back to court. Chances are he won't. If he does you can contest the current order stating you would like some relaxed time out of the working week with the children and you feel it is unfairly balanced into his favour

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 22:20

I don't want to go against the court order, so stupidly said he could have him for two nights as of tomorrow but do feel it's hardly fair on me

but then, it does work for me to stick to the scheduled weeks as it means anytime I do have DS I'm not working (I work every other Sunday)

my view would be I get the same amount of holiday time as exp gets so this wkend is the first in April that I'll have him, next week, (week 4) is technically my wkend so the fact that is falls on me having two full wkends is fine as that is what exp has just had also

he's making out like I am a moron

OP posts:
Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 22:27

we're due back in court in May to decide the summer holidays and Christmas. So this whole confusion will be brought up then.

obviously all court orders are different but from my pov, aibu to think that as exp had DS 3rd-12th April, this week and weekend is for me and DS. but to stick to the 'correct week' I would also have DS next weekend

OR

this week and weekend is definitely my time with DS however start afresh next weekend and instead of week 4, go back to week 1?

So confusing, I'm just not sure which one it would be, so was going to contact my lawyer on mon morn anyway....but exp is bu to think I wouldn't get DS again this amend, isn't he?.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/04/2015 22:30

Traditionally contact is:

Alternate weekends
Half school holidays
Alternate Christmases (so week before to Christmas day then boxing day to whenever)

That's usually regardless of who the rp is

What a load of rubbish. There is no such thing as a traditional contact arangement they come in many forms and cover quite a range of arrangements.

op does your order say anything about holiday contact. If not your order is 1-4 1-4 1-4 with no variation for holidays. If it does then the order is what ever it says I.e 1-4 1-4 1-4 50/50 holiday 1-4 1-4 1-4 so the 1-4 restarts at the end of the holidays and does not apply during them.

Collaborate · 17/04/2015 22:35

If you have special arrangements for school holidays, the normal weekly cycle is usually suspended for the duration.

AvaCrowder · 17/04/2015 22:36

How old is your ds? Does he get any say?

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 23:00

the order only states week1-4 and that exp was to get residential contact from 3rd-12th for easter

but the 1-4 does not apply during holidays, if it did then I would've had DS for the 24hrs at week2

we are due back for a hearing in May to see how the order is working out, and to discuss summer and Christmas holidays

OP posts:
Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 23:00

DS has only just turned 4

OP posts:
Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 23:14

So good so far, no one thinks iabu Grin

OP posts:
supernova9 · 17/04/2015 23:22

Perhaps I have missed where you have said the Court Order states school holidays are shared 50/50? Is that correct?

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 17/04/2015 23:34

no sorry, it doesn't state that. So perhaps he is right?

but when talking with my lawyer that's what was said, that holidays will be shared

we were in and out of the court room within 10 minutes, and summer and Christmas holidays will be discussed in the May hearing

OP posts:
shewept · 18/04/2015 06:57

I don't think either of you are technically wrong as its not stated anywhere. You are both interpreting it differently.

Just get clarification at court in may.

Collaborate · 18/04/2015 07:48

Clearly it's only an interim order.

Stick to it (to the letter) and when you get back to court next month you can point out that it's not going to work during the holidays if you don't get at least equal holiday time.

I can't work out from your posts whether the order mentions school holidays. Your post at 23.00 suggests that the contact cycle is suspended during the holidays (so your son is with you unless the order says he's with father), but your post at 23.34 suggests otherwise. Perhaps you could let us know what exactly the order says should happen during the holidays,. The exact wording of the relevant paragraph would be needed.

Original poster
attheendofmyteatheragain · 18/04/2015 09:26

sorry for being unclear, the order says nothing about holidays other than exps share of easter, which says he gets DS from 3rd-12th April.

that and the weeks 1-4 are all it says, nothing else.

but the reason I assumed we would both get a fair share of all holidays is because in a meeting with my lawyer, I was told that is what usually always happens, and that after each parent has equal share of school holidays, we would start afresh from week 1.

perhaps naive on my part to assume anything though...

OP posts:
Collaborate · 18/04/2015 09:44

The order therefore is a poor one. with a good order everything is clear to all involved. It doesn't state whether the weekly cycle should be continued during the easter holiday (so in effect you lost a week 2), but I would have thought that it would have at least, by inference, have been suspended.

So if last weekend was meant to be week 2, but dad had him on the Easter holiday instead, you've yet to have a week 2 of this cycle. Isn't therefore your son with you until 5pm today?

This is why orders need to be drawn very clearly. You both, not unreasonably, interpret the order differently.

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