Nanny forced into proxy parenting!

[JarvisCockerSpaniel]

I KNOW I'm not being unreasonable but still don't know what to bloody do about it.

I have worked in this job for a year. Mostly there are no issues but the hours can go very late at night quite regularly and as I am working for a single parent family where the mum goes away with her work about every two months, often give up weekends or entire week nights at short notice.

I was told (yes told) on Monday by my boss that she will be going away on buisness on Thursday morning for a week so would need to move in. I don't live in but barely get any time at home during the week anyway.

My charge (10) is on Easter holidays and has been since March 24th- not at school until Wednesday. Of course we've been doing lots of fun stuff together, zoos, shows, picnics etc but this has meant a month of 12-15 hour days for me, and it's been tiring.

So, tonight she was meant to have a sleepover at her freind's (who has stayed with us twice this week and has been on outings with us too) I cannot tell you how much I was looking forward to a night and morning off. I wanted to see my boyfriend, drink some wine, see my friends for brunch tomorrow (didn't have to pick up till 12)

Sleepover cancelled. No other alternative but to cancel all my plans. Am so disappointed. Won't get another break until Wednesday when she's at school, and no day off now until the 25th. I could cry.

I feel like I have been forced to be a full time parent and I've not even had children! My evening in ruins as no one to take 'my' DC!
Please don't think I don't have a good relationship with the girl I look after. I do, and am very dedicated when I am with her, it's not her fault.

But, but! I want some of my life back.

Actually several people at my old office had day nannies and night nannies as they were away / working so much not reasonable for 1 person to cover.

This thread is reminding me why dh and I fled the life of corporate lawyers in the city! The 2 nanny thing was the last straw and cited by my boss as the perfect solution for parents with two full on careers. The nannies do weekends too you know so you get time to recover from your long hours week. Just one flaw with this plan...

clean yes, I know but there are reasons why it is difficult to say an outright no to your employer, especially as it's not like a company where I can go to someone else for support.

And actually with regards to the childcare plans that have fallen through tonight, I cannot possibly say no as there is no one else to look after her at all and her mum is thousands of miles away.

And yes, it is rubbish for the child, needless to say she has every treat/gadget lavished upon her in leiu of her Mum's actual time, but it's not really for me to judge.

Sounds like the requirements of the job is too much for one nanny. Do you get to use your annual leave entitlement? What would she do if you were sick or needed to take emergency leave?

Can you get a new job?

I can't see that things are going to get any better, regardless of what you say or do, so it seems the obvious option.

It sounds as if you are really torn, Jarvis, between a job that you basically like, working for an employer you basically like, caring for a child you very much like AND a job and employer that is taking up all your free time.

I do think you have to sit down with your employer and draw up some basic rules and boundaries ... for example, establish your contracted hours, then the amount of notice you require for overtime hours, the amount of notice you require for sleep-ins, etc., etc.

Also, would it be acceptable for you, to establish a way (with your employer) to ensure that you get an adequate amount of time off during these sole-charge periods ... for example, by recruiting a regular babysitter, for you to book/use at your discretion.

I have been looking for another job but not seriously so far, it will be hard to leave my charge.

I WAS sick (kidney infection requiring hospital treatment) was advised to take at least a week off but was back after two days because she said there was simply no one else to look after her child and I could have a few quiet days on the sofa. (Child, although I love her, is absolutely useless at being quiet or amusing herself for more than five minutes!)

You have done this for a year. Do you know how many other nannies have previously worked for this family? Has the mum's working life always been like this and is it likely to continue in the future? Does she have any other friend/family support?

Are you able to have a frank discussion with your employer of the 'if things don't change (get another nanny so I can work sensible hours) I will leave. I don't want to but it can't go on like this' variety?

I'm sorry you were so ill. The mother is taking the absolute mickey and you're right to feel sorry for that poor DD.

Sadly though if you continue to work for the DM, you're sacrificing your own social life, relationship and ultimately health for the sake of her DD.

Have you spoken to her before around the hours?

This will not change until you sort it out - it will carry on for as long as you let it.
Time for a frank conversation - may be you could line something else up first in case the 'talk' goes wrong.
Good luck - you sound like a great nanny.

If she has a multi million pound business she can hire a backup nanny!

Time to sit her down and explain boundaries, notice periods for time changes etc.

You are in a reasonably strong position - good nannies are seldom out of work.