Since we moved in together many moons ago, and I "bought into" her house (by paying half the mortgage and then putting in significant monthly overpayments), we've had a joint account. Always been based on what we could afford based on earnings and leaving each of us with comparable disposable income.
When we had our little one and DW went on maternity leave, she obviously pulled right back on j/a contributions, and I upped mine (as it should be).
When DW went back to work part time, the majority of j/a contributions were still from me, as I earned significantly more. All fine and dandy thus-far.
During the early baby and toddler period, as well as the j/a contributions, I also paid for a lot of incidentals sprog needed, and family treats. New car for she, deposit from me and finance through the j/a - didn't mind this at all: happy family equals happy me.
DW then shifted jobs a couple of times, upping her hours and playing the agency game (we're both in a similar field), while I stayed put, in a pretty stagnant post (I, or rather, we, didn't feel me chasing agency bucks was prudent whilst I was still the major earner - preferred security of the post I was /am in).
So we now find ourselves in a position where she earns as much as, if not more than, I, for fewer hours.
Still good - more family money, we're doing okay. Except, my contributions to the j/a are what they were as the main earner - hers up a little, but not to parity (nowhere near).
We've had a few years like this, she's on big money, new car (again), and saving nicely. She did a wonderful thing for a milestone birthday of mine - marvellous, (and not cheap) gesture, and really appreciated. But now I'm not exactly rolling in it - far from it. I still pay for most meals out, because it's a bloke thing to do (which I'm trying to hint need to be a little rarer), and we usually do weekends away as a pair. But recently, when I've suggested we need to cut back (on a couple of nights in a hotel, when it's not that long since our last trip) because I'm feeling a pinch, she's taken to saying, "oh, I'll get it".
She doesn't seem to mind paying big for things on an ad-hoc basis, but I'm tired of it now, I'd much prefer we dialed back my contributions a touch, upped hers accordingly, and then I would feel the bigger, "fun" stuff, is us paying, from the joint account, rather than "ooh, I do nice things for you :-) ". Feels like I'm doing bills and mortgage, and she the good stuff, which means it's less my choice, more hers, IYSWIM?
I know I need to be telling her this, and really don't need advice to do so (it's plain, really!), just needed to type and vent a little.