To think it is impossible to keep on top of house, work, dc AND now garden?

[thinkingmakesitso]

Just how do people do it? I am coming to the end of my first year as a lp and work f/t as a teacher. I have actually been surprised that having to do housework hasn't been THAT bad (H was sahp and did most of it before split), but that is largely because we are out most of the time.

Now, coming to the end of a two-week holiday, house is a mess as we have been in it more and have acquired a kitten, I have no more energy than I did at the start as dc have been getting up early, haven't done as much school work as I should, haven't yet done dc's homework, haven't redecorated the sitting room so it is now entering its third month with testers up everywhere, and now it is spring the garden rears its head.

Weeds are coming up everywhere, even where membrane and stones have been (professionally) put down , and just so many little bits of it need attention - I know nothing about it and it isn't huge but not properly 'done', so there are loads of little areas where weeds can spring up.

AIBU to think the garden is the one thing that makes everything just too much and I should just pave it - I get this vague feeling of doom and panic every time I go out there atm. I know it could be lovely as it is south-facing, but seems it never will be and it is just a source of stress.

Do you have spare cash for a gardener? Or get the kids to help you pull up weeds for 30 mins a day every sat and Sunday? How long does it take to mow the lawn? Could you get rid of some of the flower beds and turf more of it?

I'm with you tho, I love the garden but hate gardening!

yanbu. I'm a LP and I don't.

YANBU. After I was divorced, working f/t as a teacher, caring for my ds and doing all the house work the gardening used to feel like the final straw. I remember several times cutting the grass in tears.

You have to prioritise and the garden has to come last. You either have to make it as easy to do as possible or get a gardener in at least a few times at this time of the year.

It will be fine in the end it is just that it feels like you are in the eye of a perfect storm at the moment.

I found it helped to redefine my definition of 'weed'. Some of them are beautiful. If its green and it wants to grow and contribute to cleaning our air, why should I deprive it of its function in life?

Plus I would advise to NEVER attempt to grow veg. Its a million times more hassle than its worth. I am lucky that a friend has an allotment we visit a couple of times a year so kids have experience of growing food without all the bastarding endless work just for some fecking creature to eat it when you're not looking.

You are doing really well you know.

I often feel like this but have decided to sport a wild garden look which includes wildflowers (weeds). I think it would be a shame to pave over as when you have more time you might enjoy it more. Would gravel or bark be a less permanent option?

YANBU. I do work full time but don't have any kids and still struggle to keep the garden nice. I'm off work until Monday so hoping it stays nice so I can get the basics done.

What can you afford? A gardener or a good landscaper who can make you a lovely patio would be good, but do remember pots take time because they need watering more.

I've been very tempted by fake turf, but the good stuff is expensive, and I believe still needs weeding!

I take my hat off to you for keeping on top of the house - I have dp, only one child and still can't seem to manage it.

YANBU at all. Also LP and generally feel I'm almost coping most days until I look at the fecking garden. Can't afford a gardener, DC too young to be unsupervised so only mowing etc option is after their bedtime generally doing the mowing in tears option

Drop your standards. If no cash for gardener, nuke bad bits with weed killer and keep kids off it for a while, or just develop selective vision. I keep windows open and curtains closed in summer evenings so I can hear birds and imagine outside is not apocalyptic

Don't forget, OP, that this time of year is the worst in teaching : the infinite hours needed between now and the exam season contribute to that general feeling of panic, so every glance at the garden just reminds you that it's there, but you haven't got time to deal with it right now.

Can you plan a few sessions & then a big attack in May Half Term, maybe with help ? Agree that it's depressing, and also that veg are not worth the hassle !

I thought paving would be the solution for a low maintenance garden but it proved to be a nightmare and actually worse than a lawn to look after.
I don't know what went wrong but, left to its own devices, there are brambles and weeds the size of bloody trees growing through the cracks.

Someone suggested imprinted concrete to me but I like the sound of gravel or bark and may go for this myself (and possibly some raised beds or planters to grow flowers/veg).

Get a gardener if you can. Honestly, you'll enjoy it more as you then only do the pretty planting bit.

We are very tight on money but the gardener would be one of the last things to go. He comes once a month, we don't need to be in and it's great just enjoying the garden

Bark is good, only the most determined weeds pike up through it !

I know the feeling op im a single parent too. I've got into a good routine with housework and dd. But my garden isnt the best. I find it realy hard to keep it nice I try my best but god its hard.

Hats off to you OP, and respect!

Re the garden, mow a bit in the middle, tasteful bee friendly weeds wildlife borders round the edges! Strimmed every couple of months maybe so neighbours don't think you are set for full sleeping beauty brmble takeover?

April may and june are the WORST for weeds, EVERYONE'S gardens get away from them at this time, it all slows down a bit in july and you get a chance to enjoy it!

And the less 'gardened' it is, the less damage the dcs and their little chums can do!

Yanbu I used to be a single parent working only part time and it just never all got done, usually the house work got left and sometimes still does. I would prioritise the garden now and let house go abit so kids can play out there and you will have somewhere nice to relax on warm evenings. Wine tastes nicer outside

Work to your standards, not those of others. You don't have to be perfect at everything and I am sure anyone who knows you will be amazed at how you juggle everything. I used to get so down trying to do everything, I aim for happy 8 out of ten across the board, teaching is such a demanding profession too.

YANBU. DH worked away for months at a time and I remember the evenings/weekends crying by the time I got in from work, sorted dinner, sorted laundry, got DC ready for bed, story, into bed and then had to go out to mow the lawn or weed. It always seems to rain at the weekend too when I would've had a little more time to get it done.

I lowered my standards in the end, got a deck built we could sit on and just tried to enjoy it if the weather was good enough for us to get out in it.

Perhaps put a notice in local shop for a general handy person / teenager that could mow/weed once a month for you. Doesn't need to be a landscape gardener just someone looking for a little bit of extra cash.

I too find that the garden puts a strain on things. I am a perfectionist as well so can't bear to see weeds everywhere. I leave the house very early on the morning and don't get home until around 8pm several nights a week. However, I find that in sunny weather I can cut the grass on a week day night and then do the cleaning on a Sunday pm whilst the kids do their homework. You just have to find slots to fit things into and then it all becomes (just about) doable.

YANBU. I had a bit of a Basil Fawlty meltdown after spending hours digging up the dandelions in our garden, only to see dozens more of the little blighters pop up the very next day... Not sure how to keep on top of those, let alone the rest of the garden that needs doing!

I am currently paying my DD 1p per dandelion head (to pick them before they turn into clocks). She earned £1.50 in a very short time!

We have a corner plot where we are now, with lots of different areas that need attention. However, I know almost nothing about gardening and feel out of my depth... Watching this thread for tips.

If you can just get a gardener it makes all the difference - I gave in, sold the lawnmower and now a couple of blokes come every 3-4 weeks, mow, do a bit of weeding and edging and it's awesome.

It means that if I feel like pottering and planting some bulbs or whatever I can, without having to do all the horrible tidying/general maintenance first.

Totally revolutionised how I think about the garden.

Use weedkiller on areas where there are stones and membrane - get one called something like pathclear, it's designed to kill everything for a year. In a squirty bottle from Homebase.

Find someone local (and cheap) to cut the grass once a fortnight. A neighbour's kid might do it for pocket money.

If you've got money for paving get in a garden designer and explain the problem; they can sort out the layout to make it low maintenance.

Personally I'd pay someone to do the ironing and cleaning and spend my time on a nice garden and a bottle of wine - you deserve it!

Thank you for all the kind words .

Annoyingly, when we moved in here 2 years ago stbx got his dm to buy him a raised bed as a housewarming present. He filled it with veg but didn't maintain it and now it weighs 20 tonne, I can't move it an inch, and it is sitting there like a ridiculous looking table full of weeds. He didn't even position it carefully, just put it up where he happened to be standing and then filled it with compost, so it looks like a rickety table in the middle of the lawn. What a twat and what a waste of money - I know that even if hadn't split it would be the same. I will get him to get rid of it as it really has nothing to do with me.

Like the idea of a gardener - does anyone mind sharing what they pay for someone to do very basic stuff that is a matter of time and not skill?

I really sympathise OP and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Agree with pp saying mow a bit in te middle and then maybe sprinkle some cheap wildflower seed around the rest? Found a huge box for a pound in a pound shop. Also def get kids involved for pocket money! Don't feel bad, my parents did this with me and I am very grateful as now have great memories of gardening with them and being in the garden with them! Agree that veggies will push you over the edge. Geraniums in pots very cheap, pretty and hardy/pest resistant, buy cheap at supermarket or market or online. But really came on to say post in gardening! I only just discovered the gardening threads, they all seem so nice and could prob tell you exactly what to do to minimise stress, maximise enjoyment. Good luck!

someone advertised locally for £10 per hour - london - try your local streetlife.com www.streetlife.com/ and post on thereasking for a gardener/handy person.

i find planting, etc calming and therapeutic as a lp. as a tesacher you will have benefit of school holidays to let kids potter while you garden.

you could rake over the veggie bed and throw in some nasturtium seeds now - they will grow in almost anything and cover it with edible nasturtium flowers - so it can qualify as a salad bed.