to think contact isn't always in a childs best interests?

7 replies

AlmondAmy · 15/04/2015 23:13

Dd is 7. I've had to stop contact as a result of advice by SS. When dd was having contact she was regularly ill and missing school, regularly over-emotional and crying, greedy, lazy and overweight, not trying at school, having nightmares and sleepwalking etc.

Since I stopped it 9 weeks ago shes achieved full marks in her spellings every week, become a free reader and moved up a level in each area at school. She's lost over half a stone, has a load more energy, hasn't cried, had a nightmare, sleep walked or been ill or missed school once. She is so so much happier without contact.

AIBU to hope that not having heard from exH might mean he's not going to pursue contact and to think that contact - even when theres no major issues like abuse - isn't always in childrens best interests?

OP posts:

stickystick · 15/04/2015 23:16

YANBU, no dad is way better than damaging dad.

Lonecatwithkitten · 15/04/2015 23:16

I would lay money that there was something going on. It takes months to come out. My DD was the same she was being verbally abused by Ex and his GF.
After several months we did restart supervised contact and gradually built to unsupervised. DD has continued to do well and the verbal abuse has not recurred.

mynewpassion · 15/04/2015 23:21

Agreed. Not 100% all the time.

If no emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is going on at NRP's, then something else is going on. Some resident parents have been known to systemically alienate the other parent to the point where they make contact unbearable for the child.

Original poster

AlmondAmy · 15/04/2015 23:34

I agree mynewpassion, but that isn't happening here. I tried everything to help him and make things better for her.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 15/04/2015 23:37

If SS were advising that contact be stopped, then what a disgusting abusive prick this man must be. Your DD is far better off without him - and given that there has been official recognition that contact with him was harmful to her, he will have a very long hard road in insisting that it be re-established, and you should be able to block and stonewall for a good long time if he does try. Also, she's 9 and will soon be old enough to have her own wishes not to see him taken into account. Good luck and well done.

WatchaGonnaDo · 17/04/2015 19:45

YANBU. Currently having similar issue with DD1 and her dad, luckily he has agreed not to fight us on her decision not to continue overnight access.

All the best to you and your DD, it is great to see that she is thriving and feeling happier now .

Aeroflotgirl · 17/04/2015 19:51

Almond, I have followed some of your posts, you have absolutely done the right thing. Your dd progress and behaviour speaks volumes. SS have advised you to stop, mabey you can get that in writing from them and their reasons as to why.

Flip