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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Coast to Coast bike ride...

27 replies

yorkshirebubbles · 14/04/2015 22:08

My DH and I were asked by friends to join them on the coast to coast cycle ride in January.

DH was pretty keen straight away to participate, no problem with that. I on the other hand have some health issues (EDS 3 and fibromyalgia) so it wasn't something I really expected to be able to do physically. I agreed with DH I'd do some training and see how I felt.

Unfortunately my health took a turn for the worse and I'm now being treated for chronic fatigue syndrome. There is no way I can do this bike ride.

This issue is the group are wanting to book accomodation now and are asking if I'll act as a support vehicle.

So essentially I'll have to take two days annual leave to follow them round in the car with their luggage.

The rest of the time I'll be on my own with nothing to do. I've said to DH tonight that I have no interest in doing this, that I perhaps wouldn't have minded if I was able to cycle part of the route but acting as support vehicle seems like an expensive and boring way to use some of my annual leave.

DH has said that he thinks this is 'shitty' of me abd won't discuss it beyond that.

AIBU to pull out of the weekend altogether before anything is booked?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 14/04/2015 22:13

YANBU

Dh goes off fairly frequently on cycle rides at the weekends. I never go - very boring by myself for hours on end - and he totally understands that. He thinks I'm a saint for letting him go Grin

PatriciaHolm · 14/04/2015 22:13

If you have CFS, is it physically possible anyway?

Do they need a support vehicle, and what happens if you say no? If it means them not being able to go I can see why he might be pissed off (though it doesn't mean you have to force yourself to do it).

FireCanal · 14/04/2015 22:16

Perhaps they are trying to find a way to include you? Unless you are a professional cyclist it's fairly unusual to have a support vehicle permanently on hand Smile

babybat · 14/04/2015 22:17

YANBU - assuming they're reasonably experienced cyclists, they shouldn't really need a support vehicle! For a ride of that length, assuming they're staying in b&b's rather than camping, surely they can get away with packing light in a couple of panniers? There are certainly tour operators out there who do the full broom wagon/support vehicle/luggage transfer service for a fee, so he can either pay for that, or HTFU and do it himself, but he shouldn't expect you to do it unless you want to!

Mistigri · 14/04/2015 22:18

In January? They're mad. And so would you be if you agreed to have anything to do with it.

gonetrekking · 14/04/2015 22:21

Is it for a charity?

My DH did this with friends a few years ago and they had a support vehicle (there were at least a dozen cyclists). It was helpful as the two groups were very mis-matched in terms of fitness and the vehicle was able to 'round up' a lot of the stragglers. I think the guy driving the vehicle had a great time and of course joined in for lunch breaks, dinner etc. If they are your friends too then you might enjoy it more than you think.

Also one of the party dropped out and so was company in the vehicle for 2 out of the 3 days. Might be worth giving it more thought and not dismissing out of hand Smile.

kinkyfuckery · 14/04/2015 22:22

YANBU, I'm sorry your DH doesn't understand Sad

LornMowa · 14/04/2015 22:22

I love cycling but I think that it sounds a very ill advised trip. Cycling in January could be bloody freezing, windy and/or snowing. I don't blame you for not being eager to act as support.

Surely with your health issues, you need to look after yourself very carefully and not spend your time sitting around in a cold car whilst waiting for your DH and friends.

If they really must go why don't they book an organised trip and let the professionals do the back up stuff.

gonetrekking · 14/04/2015 22:22

In January???? Ok didn't see that bit, yes that would be nuts plus all their training would be in the dead of winter. Why on earth don't they do it in late spring early summer?

Original poster
yorkshirebubbles · 14/04/2015 22:28

Yes, I think they have tried to include me but perhaps haven't accounted for the fact that I'd find this proposal duller than dishwater. There is another couple who have said they will act as a support vehicle already. They are mutual friends but not close friends and I think i'd be playing gooseberry tagging along with them whilst waiting for DH and everyone else to finish the days cycling.

If I say no it will still go ahead, and I have no issue with DH participating without me.

I think he is just being sensitive because the same group of friends invited us both to go and watch some rugby over the next bank holiday. I don't like rugby and think a ticket to three consecutive rugby games is wasted on me and therefore a waste of my money. I think DH just doesn't want to be left on his own as all other wives and girlfriends have said they want to go.

DH and I do have other shared interests and shared interests with this group it's just that these two things don't really work for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
yorkshirebubbles · 14/04/2015 22:31

Ah sorry for the confusion the weekend is in August. Friends asked us if we wanted to join in in January!

OP posts:
vindscreenviper · 14/04/2015 22:31

C2C in January?
Who's driving the snowplough Grin

RandomMess · 14/04/2015 22:34

YANBU your annual leave to spend time doing something beneficial to you in some way.

OVienna · 14/04/2015 22:39

Not that you've asked but I would just go to the rugby unless it's really expensive. I'd compromise on this....

YANBU not to do the cycling whenever it is though. Sounds like a real drag; I would definitely not Bol time off for this....can you invent a work offsite?!

nocoolnamesleft · 14/04/2015 22:42

Let's see. Would this be a good place for you to be based, just off the C2C route? www.armathwaite-hall.com/

Grin
Original poster
yorkshirebubbles · 14/04/2015 22:47

Nocoolnamesleft-you've nailed it I'd definitely be up for a spa hotel, sounds much more like my idea of fun Grin

Ovienna-I am anticipating giving into the rugby if I feel well enough to go tbh I'm prepared to compromise on that one.

OP posts:
MiddleAgedandConfused · 14/04/2015 23:00

YANBU

Fairenuff · 14/04/2015 23:03

I would pull out of it completely purely based on the fact that he has said he won't discuss it further with you. What a knob.

PoppyField · 14/04/2015 23:26

Your husband's being VVU. You're not being shitty at all.

Momagain1 · 14/04/2015 23:29

Who was support vehicle when he was expecting you to ride? If they didnt need one then, they dont need one now.

Is he usually this callous about your health?

BikeRunSki · 14/04/2015 23:46

Are they planning to do C2C in January? I read the OP as they asked you in January, to go the ride.

Who would have been support of you'd been riding?

There are loads of "luggage shifting for the c2c" companies.

Having said that, I know a few groups where a DP of one of the riders has been support, but with CFS, I don't think that should be you.

not at all bitter that Dh went off nd did it with his mates leaving me at home by myself for 4 days with 6 month old ds, on no

catsofa · 15/04/2015 00:07

YANBU!

Also support vehicles are for wimps, proper touring cyclists take panniers and haul their own gear, otherwise what's the point? Confused

ouryve · 15/04/2015 00:12

YANBU. Have HMS diagnosis and the exhaustion is sometimes pretty numbing. 2 days travelling, by any means, when I'm not feeling up to it would wipe me out for over a week.

Icimoi · 15/04/2015 07:27

It depends on what's involved in being support vehicle. Do you have to follow them all the way, or can you just drive the luggage to the next hotel/B&B and just come out to them if there's an emergency? If the former, I agree it would be fantastically dull. If the latter, I wouldn't have thought it was that dreadful - I would find it quite restful just driving from hotel to hotel and relaxing once I got there.

NUFC69 · 15/04/2015 07:55

I have actually done "support" on the C2C for my DH and DS - tbh I quite enjoyed it (DDiL was with me, though). Our support actually consisted of meeting them every so often, but doing our own thing for the rest of the day. Then we all met up at our hotel/pub in the evening for a nice meal. But of course I had company so wasn't bored.

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