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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try for a baby now?

29 replies

88blueshoes · 14/04/2015 20:15

Need some brutal honest opinions here please.

I don't like my job. I've been with the same large organisation since I left university 8 years ago. I've done several different jobs within that organisation. My current job is incredibly dull and I don't feel respected or valued. I've tried several times to improve the situation but to no avail. Looking back, it probably wasn't the best career choice for me, but it made sense at the time!

It's now making me depressed and I want to leave. The thing is, because I've done my time in this organisation, my salary is better than anything I'd get elsewhere, and most importantly the maternity leave package is fantastic and the flexibility for parents is great (part time hours practically guaranteed if you want them, working from home encouraged etc). I've done my research and I think moving to a career I will enjoy more will almost certainly mean accepting lower pay and worse conditions.

And the thing is, my DH and I were going to start TTC next year. That's always been our timeline and we were both fairly set on it. So I feel I'm trapped because changing to a career which is less parent-friendly would be a strange thing to do just before TTC.

The reason we were waiting was to spend a bit more time together, maybe go on one last holiday. But there is no reason why we HAVE to wait - we're financially secure, have a great relationship, have somewhere to live etc. I figure this way I can make the most of the parent-friendly policies now and then - if I still want to - make a career change after kids.

I don't sticking out this job (and career) for another year is really an option, I'm just fed up of being bored and miserable all the time. So I feel like either we bring forward TTC, given that it's the only reason I'm staying, or I quit.

AIBU? Am I letting my employer's maternity leave conditions dictate my plans for kids, and is this insane?? DH is ok either way, he just wants me to be happy.

OP posts:

AnnoyedByAlfieBear · 14/04/2015 20:18

Tbh, I'd start ttc now. You don't know how long it'll take. You can always go on one last couples holiday this year.

Arsenic · 14/04/2015 20:19

Go for it.

Gillian1980 · 14/04/2015 20:20

Yanbu.

You are thinking practically about how your work and family life will work together.

Also the thing with TTC is that it can take a while. It may happen quickly for you but likewise it could take a year or longer - better to get started sooner rather than later unless there is a good reason not to.

JontyDoggle37 · 14/04/2015 20:21

Definitely go for it, while you have the better benefits and aren't trying to establish yourself in a new career.

BitchPeas · 14/04/2015 20:22

Do it. I moved to a job that bores me ridged for the high pay/good annual leave/excellent maternity leave and pay and guaranteed flexible working. I've just had DC2 and it's confirmed to me I did the right thing.

I had a job I loved for DC1 but the maternity pay was statutory so I had to go back at 12 weeks, and the hours/environment were so un family friendly I was miserable, exhausted and pulled in every direction for a couple of years until I couldn't take it anymore.

I'm waiting till after youngest DC goes to school to think about what I really want to go and do it!

browneyedgirl86 · 14/04/2015 20:22

I can understand how you feel with regards to being miserable at work. I too am stuck in a well paying but soul destroying job and am also ttc, I'm conscious that should I change career my hours will not be guaranteed the way they are now and I will take a substantial drop in salary.

I don't think yabu in your circumstances! I think you should go for it.

CruCru · 14/04/2015 20:24

Go for it. One word of caution - you may want to avoid going on holiday to anywhere you need malaria pills for as I think you aren't meant to get pregnant within a couple of months of stopping them.

DontWorryBeHappyNow · 14/04/2015 20:26

As someone who found out the hard way that ttc is one thing that can be totally out of your control, I say that if your DH is on board with the idea then you should go with your instinct, which seems to be to change your original plans and start now. Frankly, "one more holiday together" isn't a reason to delay in my book. There is no guarantee it will happen right away anyway - and you will hopefully have years of time for yourselves again when the children are old enough to be independent! It happens sooner than you think - ours are 10 and 8 and have plans this summer that mean DH and I will be able to go away for a week by ourselves. And when they move away we'll hopefully still be young enough to enjoy the next phase of our lives.

MrsPeabody · 14/04/2015 20:27

Go for it. You could book your holiday and make that your starting point for trying

Purplepoodle · 14/04/2015 20:27

Do it. Perhaps book a baby making holiday now! I found after having dc. I happily returned to my once boring job pt but it wasn't so boring anymore. It was challenging enough with balancing dc too and I took a year off with each dc.

Amazing how you can completely change after having dc

Solasum · 14/04/2015 20:29

TTC sounds sensible to me.

I recently changed jobs from a fun and multinational environment requiring lots of foreign travel if you want to get anywhere to a firmly UK based office where I can leave at 4/4.30 without a backward glance.

Once I had DC, work no longer assumed the same importance, it is a means to an end, and I used to put in a lot of overtime, and on a good day would have said I would have carried on in that job for pleasure if the opportunity arose.

I think definitely worth TTC and seeing how you get on, you can always look for something down the line if you want, but it will be hard to find somewhere as family friendly as your current set up.

FishWithABicycle · 14/04/2015 20:29

I've been in a very similar position to you in the past, so very much respect your dilemma. I don't think there is one right answer.

It's awful being in a job you hate, and it's not worth it for any money, especially if you're getting to the point where it's damaging your health.
Generous maternity packages are great - but not worth staying in a job you hate for. People can and do survive on SMP, so can you.

If I were you I would go for changing jobs now, if you can. Get away from the horrible company into something you like. Wait 6 months from when you start the new job, then ttc (you're presumably still in your 20's so have plenty of time).

When I was you, this plan didn't work - I couldn't get another job and eventually just got pg without changing jobs. I wish I'd persevered or tried even harder - getting a new job from this side of motherhood was even harder (though I managed in the end). Good luck - hopefully your jobhunting will be met with quick success.

Solasum · 14/04/2015 20:30

Also, bear in mind that getting pregnant still leaves you with 9 months of just the two of you. That's plenty of time for a few decent holidays.

MrsPeabody · 14/04/2015 20:47

Solasum, that's very true. My first was overdue and I lost count of how many 'final' dinners dh and I had

NameChange30 · 14/04/2015 20:47

Definitely start TTC now. Even if you did find another job with a comparable maternity package, you would probably have to be there for a minimum period (maybe a year) before being eligible for it.
Something else to bear in mind: if you are pregnant it's VERY difficult for your employer to dismiss you or make you redundant. Even if it's unlikey, it could happen, and if it does you'll regret not TTC sooner!

frangipani13 · 14/04/2015 20:55

TTC now! It could take you longer than you think (I really hope it doesn't) and don't underestimate a good maternity package. Mine is statutory and we are saving like mad to fund my mat leave. Good luck!

expatinscotland · 14/04/2015 20:57

Definitely go for it!

PuntasticUsername · 14/04/2015 21:01

Where do you work?! Appreciate you don't like your particular job, but the terms and conditions sound fantastic!

RowRowRowCrocodileScream · 14/04/2015 21:09

Go for it, TTC now and consider booking that one last holiday for a time where, even if you got pregnant immediately you wouldn't be too close to your due date. As PP have said your priorities regarding work are likely to shift somewhat once you have DC so it may be wise to leave a career move until then and take advantage of the maternity benefits available to you now.

Enjoy TTC OP

elvisola · 14/04/2015 21:09

I had this dilemma but decided to move jobs first as I was so unhappy, settle in and then start TTC.

I stopped taking my pill in the April and was pregnant immediately.

That was awkward. Now I wish I had stayed in my original job and had my colleagues around me, they would have had me back for parent friendly hours in a heartbeat. My new job were so pissed off they had trained and then lost me so quickly they were difficult about helping me out when I needed them to.

DixieNormas · 14/04/2015 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

workadurka · 14/04/2015 21:14

It's a tough one. Ideally you'd sort yourself a job you enjoyed that was also compatible with flexible working etc.

It is bloody hard to find part time jobs full stop. If you have say 2 kids, 2 years apart, you then think you'll stay in the job until youngest at school because of the hours, and you're looking at another 7 years in that job you hate....

I like my job but still hate the feeling that I'm trapped there, as no way would I get a part time job paying my wage anywhere else.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/04/2015 21:14

You can always do the ttcing and the big holiday simultaneously - dd was conceived in the Maldives.

workadurka · 14/04/2015 21:19

As elvisola has said it is really useful building up some equity with your employer even before ttc. If you feel rough with morning sickness it can be tough to perform.

viva100 · 14/04/2015 21:29

Agree with the baby-making holiday idea go for it! Even if you find a new job next month, you need to be there for a while to get the benefits and people at work will resent you for getting pregnant too soon after getting the job (it shouldn't happen but it does all the time). This would make your return extra hard, no one will want to help/understand when you have childcare issues etc. and you wouldn't be moving up no matter how hard you were to work. Sorry to be harsh (disclaimer - I work in a very male-dominated industry and the attitudes to women getting pregnant are appalling so I might have a bit of a skewed vision of things)

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