Am i over reacting? could actually loose it with neighbour

[vodkanchocolate]

Right looking for some sensible solutions here. Ive happily lived here 3 years and have never had issues with my neighbours both middle aged and work so never really home that much only really see them to say hello to and a bit of general chit chat.

Last couple of months there has been a lot of coming and going from their daughter and husband and their 6 children, not that i begrudge visiting but having a lot of hassel off the children im not saying they are bad kids as they seem quite sweet if have a conversation with them. They are coming to my neighbours most evenings for tea and then staying until its dark playing out in the street. Over Easter neighbours went away and they all moved in for a full week. I hate been such a moaner but my issues are this.

1. Both daughter and husband have a car each and park up inconsiderate of our car, either blocking in or husband coming home from work and having to park round the back.

2. The eldest 2 boys 13 and 10 are playing football in the garden but using our newly built fence as a goal poast I asked them to stop and they said sorry but then carried on. Same elder one had to tell about swinging on my front gate.

3. They seem to be rounding up every child on the estate and playing outside my house, my eldest dd usually loves playing out but she hasnt been out last 2 nights as she said they are all picking on her. They have even been shouting stuff up at my kids when playing in our own back garden.

4. I have spoke today to my neighbour as coming in from school run I caught one of the younger boys peeing down my fence (on her side) but it was leeking through, she just seemed to brush it all off and said its just kids been kids and apparently come here as they like it getting alot of hassel off their own neighbours at moment.

As much as I dont want to fall out with her im getting a bit fed up I mean today its a lovely evening round the front I have the eldest boy say on the public path propped up against my fence with some other lads, I have round the back about 8 children all in next doors garden out of my 5 I only have my 4 year old out playing on trampoline and hes coming in and out saying theyve said this and that.

Any advice?

the peeing is vile but the rest - it's just neighbours and kids - I currently have about 6 kids playing outside my house - none of them mine - just neighbours kids - it's nice, the sun is out - lovely

unless they are blocking your drive way the parking is just irritating but not wrong

The using your fence as a goalpost?

You mean they are kicking the ball against the other side of your fence in their garden? Making noise and possibly in the longer term damaging it?

1. They shouldn't block you in but you can't really complain about having to 'park round the back' unless they have mobility problems.

2. I would speak to the neighbours again if they continue to damage the fence or the gate.

3. Children playing outside will all sort themselves out in the end.

4. Don't think you can complain about someone peeing on their own fence unless it is in public view?

The rest of it just boils down the the fact that other people are free to sit where they want on public property and talk about what they like.

So, in conclusion I think, apart from (2) you are being unreasonable and should stop complaining to neighbour.

I wouldnt approach the neighbours just yet.

Better still get your children outside and playing. Don't let them be bullied into staying indoors. Once they're out. Sit on the steps for five mins and listen to what's going on.

If they are being rude. Then tell their mother.

As frustrating as it is, it all sounds like normal kids stuff (would be having stern words about the peeing though if I was the parent).

Good suggestion above to keep an eye on the kids outside. Can you and neighbour maybe get to know each other by having a cuppa out the front together and both watch the kids. Then you can maybe mention leaving space for your hubby?

Sounds like normal household noise.

I find a gaggle of other people's kids tremendously irritating, noisy and annoying - but it's normal noise. I go out or put music on so I can't hear them.

Keep note of what happens. It is anti social behaviour, although low level atm. We moved into a property 4 years ago and our problems started like this. At the end of the day it's your property and you do have the right for people not to damage it/black access to it.

The kids we had problems with came from a council property across the road. Seemed to think every house was social housing and fair game. We complained to the parents who couldn't give a shit, so eventually started phoning the police (101 not 999) when the behaviour escalated.

Cut a long story short (as it was two years of hell) we eventually got restraining order after one of the kids was arrested for criminal damage and his mother threatened to kill me.

Obviously not saying your situation will be the same but those who say it's just kids and YABU have probably never suffered with this. I'd continue to mention to the neighbour. Who owns the fence? Yours or joint? The peeing I'd def antisocial if yours. Keep note, keep mentioning, but always keep calm. If there's ever any damage I'd call the local neighbourhood police. Behaviour like, no matter how 'low level' can be really stressful. I still can't bare the sound of a ball being kicked in the street. It panics me. Even though the family is gone and the kids around here now are generally polite and considerate.

They shouldn't block another parked car or damage your fence. Rest I couldn't get riled about.

The mothers indifferent attitude says it all, also the fact that they're getting hassle with their own neighbours, so why should you have to put up with their nasty ways. Your kids should be able to play out in peace without gangs of kids name calling, all encouraged by neighbours grandkids. it'll all come to a head, it won't be long till they get on the wrong side of the parents near you and get hassle from them too. Your ndn will soon get fed up of all the neighbourhood kids (encouraged by her grandkids) congregating round her house. I think it'll all die down eventually. Just bide your time for now.

It does sound annoying OP but I don't think there's much you can do about it, I'd try and keep on good terms and pick your battles for when things do cross the line e.g. any damage to your property.

I agree with songlark. They've run out of good will with their neighbours at 'normal children playing behaviour' so have had to find somewhere new where they don't have to have to think of anyone else. I am sure you won't be the only person to complain soon enough, and once the kids are back at school i'd hope they wouldn't be trailing over to the grandparents for an evening of playing every day.

The only thing you can do is challenge bad behaviour - ie rude language and bullying. The football against the fence I suspect is little you can do, until they break the fence or the ball comes into your garden. You can only ask them nicely not to deliberately use it as you are worried about the fence getting broken.

Peeing up the fence. Again, not something I'd like or encourage. But as a one off not something that would bother me longer than it took to sling some water and maybe disinfectant down.

If your neighbours are generally reasonable people you'd perhaps be best having a chat over a cuppa when the family aren't there.

The problem child I encountered came from a large house her parents owned, albeit with a massive mortgage - just to balance Frasras' experience with ill behaved children with uncaring, even horrible, parents.

This doesn't sound like normal kid stuff to me, peeing on a fence so it leaks into a neighbours garden is gross, and shouting mean things to kids who are playing in their own garden is crappy. Using the fence as a goal post is also ridiculous as it will damage the fence. Not sure what you can do maybe approach in a very non accusatory way. Good luck!

I feel your pain.
Similar situation with kids in back garden and playing with what seems like the entire neighbourhood in front of my house. I don't like it. I never let my kids do that when they were younger. It all seems very unfair.

Thank you for replies.

I can handle the petty stuff i have kids im from a big family and grew up on a similar estate so i do realise to a certain extent it is "kids been kids". When i spoke to grandma i didnt mention the petty stuff at the risk of sounding a moaning fart but i did say about the peeing and picking on dd and ds.

Thing is though i hoped now back at school it would die down but it hasnt. I get the impression their mum is enjoying tge piece while at her mums never shows her face.

Fingers crossed it dies down i too have see in past how anti social kids can be and not saying it is that level but it is a worry

I feel for you OP. I live next to a house that is privately rented, the last 2 tenants have been fine, elderly couple then a mum and older son. Last week a family with 3 boys moved in and they keep kicking a ball at and over the fence and its driving me mad. I have 2 children myself but I always try and keep the noise to a minimum. I came home from the shop one day last week and caught one of them about to go over the fence to get his ball back.

Thanks exactly, not that my neighbours have ever complained at us but I do try to keep noise down for them as i know the man gets up early for work, ive even told them if ever we get too much to let us know I explained about my 2 children with sn and they were totally understanding hence feeling crap for moaning.

Thing with fence that annoyed me was it is our side and responsibility when we moved in they were a gap in the fence and we tried repairing a few times as they didnt like our dogs getting through (only time they have complained) it got to the point where wasnt repairable anymore so only a month ago we had managed to afford to have it rebuilt you would think the adults would notice and think to tell them to stop it?

I do sit out quite a lot round the front and round the back so I do hear whats going on their parents are nowhere in site which annoys me a little. A pp was right though other neighbours are fed up