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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving and heartbroken :(

23 replies

spudholes · 14/04/2015 14:55

As some of you may know, I live with my mother and stepfather who is abusive and also an alcoholic. He threatened to punch me the other day during an argument and so my mother and I decided to move.

We found a beautiful house and are moving this month. However, I have to leave my best friend behind, the dog. It's his dog and he won't let him live with us, I'm really sad. I have no friends and this dog means everything to me. I spend all day with him and I'm worried about how he will adjust too. I feel so sad, he's my baby :( My mother has said I can go see him etc but it's not the same, plus I don't want much to do with stepfather.

OP posts:
MyArksNotReady · 14/04/2015 14:58

I am sure your heart is breaking leaving the dog.

I hope the move goes well and you get to visit.

Bailey101 · 14/04/2015 15:13

How is the dog his? Did he buy it or is it more a family dog that he is using as punishment?

Original poster
spudholes · 14/04/2015 15:24

He bought the dog

OP posts:
squoosh · 14/04/2015 15:25

What would happen if you took the dog? Would your stepfather care enough to call the police?

cosmicglittergirl · 14/04/2015 15:27

YY to what squoosh said.

CrystalCove · 14/04/2015 15:28

Do you have any worries or concerns about his ability to look after the dog, does he care for it just now?

Bailey101 · 14/04/2015 15:30

I'll get flamed for saying this, but I'd take the dog and tell him to prove that he didn't gift it to me.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2015 15:30

I'd go back there and steal it. Fuck your stepfather.

MrsPeabody · 14/04/2015 15:31

Hmm, might be worth posting in legal. Is it his dog or a family one? What do you think he would do if you took it?

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 14/04/2015 15:34

If it's his dog, it's his dog. I know you are heartbroken but your safety is more important than a dog. I say that as an animal lover. Maybe you won't feel the need for the emotional crutch/support as much when you escape the horrible situation with your stepfather and can seek to extend your social circle/support system in your new area?

i know another dog isn't a replacement for the one you love but would you be able to get another dog in your new home?

sparechange · 14/04/2015 15:34

Is the dog microchipped? Who has taken the dog to the vet the most/most recently?

Original poster
spudholes · 14/04/2015 15:35

He does take him for walks and stuff. My mother wouldn't let me take him as they will still be in a relationship, she's just moving in with me. Stepfather would go apeshit

Plus, we are renting so I doubt landlord would allow pets.

OP posts:
letscookbreakfast · 14/04/2015 15:35

Yes because the stepfather will react so well to having his dog stolen.

Think before you post FFS.

Ratfinkandbobo · 14/04/2015 15:36

Can he prove the dog is his?
Sounds like the dog is really more yours, it will pine for youSad
I find the ownership of dogs and cats very odd as it is a living sentient being.
I bet it would rather be with you, take it with you.

squoosh · 14/04/2015 15:40

In that case as painful as it will be I think you'll need to say goodbye to the dog and focus on what a positive step getting away from your stepdad will be.

RL20 · 14/04/2015 15:47

I was about to post 'take the dog with you!' But then decided to actually read on and see if you had posted any more info about the situation, and you have.
As a massive animal lover I understand how you would be feeling.
Ask yourself if he genuinely cares for the dogs well being etc (no matter how you feel about him). If you can honestly say that he does, I'm not sure there's a lot you'd be able to do. Would you still be able to see the dog and take it for walks etc, if your mum was to pick it up for you?
Hope your move goes well, too. Thanks

MrsPeabody · 14/04/2015 16:10

Nobody said to steal the dog. We were just trying to find out if it actually did belong to him or if he was using the dog as a pawn in his games.

To be fair, from your further posts, the dog sounds like it should be the least of your worries. I would be more concerned about your mother continuing in an abusive relationship.

pilates · 14/04/2015 16:19

I think you need to think of the positives in that you are getting away from an abusive person.

I wouldn't steal the dog though, not with his past history after threatening to punch you. Gawd knows what he would do.

Could you perhaps get a cat in your new home?

thehumanjam · 14/04/2015 16:39

Taking the dog would just prolong the contact you have with him. It's not worth it. If you are allowed pets in your new place get a new dog.

ThatBloodyWoman · 14/04/2015 16:48

I am so sorry this is happening to you Flowers
I don't know what to suggest,but my heart goes out to you.

Original poster
spudholes · 14/04/2015 16:55

thank you everyone. I was thinking about getting a cat (rehoming one from gumtree) but i don't want to get my hopes up incase my landlord says no. I haven't moved in yet, but was wondering if i'm better off asking her just after ive moved in or when the tenancy is renewed after 6 months?

OP posts:
pilates · 14/04/2015 17:11

A quick phone call could sort that out. I'm sure the Landlord won't mind you asking.

It's best to know from the outset whether you can or can't.

It will give you something to look forward to if you can.

facedontfit · 14/04/2015 18:28

Is he a man who likes money - could you offer to buy the dog?

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