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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To drive to this place tomorrow?

54 replies

birdsnotbees · 13/04/2015 17:11

Need some advice. I passed my driving test a month ago. I have been learning for years as I can drive but am a nervous driver. I have been on the motorway since with my husband and was terrified but it was OK, and have been driving as much as I can.

Now, I need to go to a meeting tomorrow that I can't get to except by car (I have checked) - my dad was going to come with me but has changed his mind. So I'll be on my own. I've never driven to this place before. I've found a route that avoids the motorway, it's about 2 hours. Shall I drive there or shall I wimp out and cancel the meeting?? I'm scared just thinking about it.

OP posts:

ItsJustPaint · 13/04/2015 17:15

Sorry I'm going to be blunt here.

Just drive on the friggin motorway. It's just a road.

Littlemonstersrule · 13/04/2015 17:15

A two hour drive after passing a month ago is a big deal if driving doesn't come naturally. Don't put yourself under any pressure if you don't want to do it.

Original poster

birdsnotbees · 13/04/2015 17:16

It's not the motorway so much as the whole bloody journey (the motorway that I could use is notorious for bottle necking - snakes up through the moors - so my route will probs be quicker). But I am absolutely cacking it regardless!

OP posts:

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 13/04/2015 17:20

You're not alone op. I passed my test nearly 18 months ago but solo journeys to new places still worry me and stress me out. I also don't have a sat nav which makes it harder although I know people survived for years without one. I have done a couple of long journeys with dh as a passenger which haven't been too bad.

dexter73 · 13/04/2015 17:25

Take a deep breath and do it on the route you have planned, it will be fine!

FelixFelix · 13/04/2015 17:27

Drive there! I passed last August and I am the same with driving new routes, but then I know I am completely fine once I've got it over and done with. It's the thought of it which is worse than the actual driving.

madmother1 · 13/04/2015 17:27

I'd go for it. Leave plenty of time. My son had to do this a few weeks ago and I was really secretly worried for him. He gave him a bit of confidence. That's why you took your test! You'll be fine.

AmateurSeamstress · 13/04/2015 17:27

If you can do it, you will do yourself a huge favour. You need to do it sometime, the sooner the better. It will get a LOT easier but only if you grasp the nettle.

Slowtrain2dawn · 13/04/2015 17:31

Allow yourself plenty of time and stop half way for a breather. You will be fine. I passed well into my 30's and know how you feel. But the more you drive the better it gets! I love it when I have to drive a long distance now ( but avoid the motorway if it really scares you, one step at a time).

russiandwarf · 13/04/2015 17:34

Totally understand where you're coming from. I went from a very confident driver to a very anxious one after a bad accident. It has taken years to get back on track with driving. If you feel you cannot cancel just try and gear yourself up for it. Leave plenty extra time so you can stop every so often - I found this breaks up the terror for me! Also something easy to listen to in the car to relax you. If at any point you feel panicked, pull off at the next available exit/layby and take some deep breaths. The motorway is the worst part for me. It's the speed and the pressure to make quick decisions. I do take alternate routes to go at a pace more suited to me so if that makes you feel better about it then you should plump for your own route.

I also have a book recommendation that may help - Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.

HTH!

vulgarwretch · 13/04/2015 17:35

Yes you should do it. The only way to get comfortable driving is to drive.

For me, the google maps app takes about 75% of the stress out of driving. Do you have satnav or similar?

Tutt · 13/04/2015 17:36

You were good enough to pass so you are good enough to drive to this meeting.
Take it slow, if you can leave an hour before you need to and stop for a coffee half way.
The sooner you do the sooner your confidence will grow, if you avoid you may always avoid!
Good luck you'll be fine.

Justusemyname · 13/04/2015 17:37

It will only be a new route once....

Original poster

birdsnotbees · 13/04/2015 17:38

OK thank you everyone - and thanks for not thinking me a total wuss. My stomach is churning just thinking about it but I'll go for it. I've got sat nav and I have also pretty much memorised the route.

Thanks for the tips about leaving early, calm music and stopping off a few times, think that will help. Wish me luck (I'll update when I'm back!!)

OP posts:

Bluebiscuits · 13/04/2015 17:38

I have been driving for 15 years but still hate driving anywhere new. I look on street view on Google maps so that I can check out junctions, what lane I need to.be in, land marks for where I need to turn etc. You will be fine tho, just take it slow and play relaxing music!

Sirzy · 13/04/2015 17:39

If your not confident then don't go, but if you don't do it now when will you? Honestly you will be fine. Set your sat nav, leave plenty of time and try to relax.

blibblibs · 13/04/2015 17:46

If you think you can do it then go for it, I wish I was as brave.

I've only been driving since January and am taking a train and a bus to a new place tomorrow, although I do have an interview at the end of it so don't want to turn up all flustered which is what would happen if I drove.

Good luck.

muminhants · 13/04/2015 17:48

I don't like motorway driving and I passed my test in 1990! Take your time and you'll be fine. My mum always said to me, if you watch your speed and know where the brake is, you'll be fine. There's a lot of truth in that.

Littlef00t · 13/04/2015 19:13

Just give yourself stacks of time and borrow a sat nav if you don't have one. This will do you so much to boost your confidence.

Also make sure you're confident of the parking arrangements.

ILovedYouYesterday · 13/04/2015 20:10

Go for it! Give yourself plenty of time and allow for a few breaks to get out walk around and do some deep breathing! But, honestly, you can do this, it's just like any other journey you've done so far on your own, but a bit longer!

Don't worry about motorways for this journey but do get yourself onto them - honestly, once you're on they are easy (I'll admit the getting on bit can be nerve wrecking at first but you do get used to it )

manchestermummy · 13/04/2015 20:22

I completely understand op. It took me a long time to feel happy to drive anywhere new. These days driving through the middle of rural Worcestershire for example swearing at the sat nav doesn't phase me but it's taken a while!

I would really recommend a motorway lesson or two. It may just be a road, but I found it useful to understand how these particular roads differ.

ProvisionallyAnxious · 13/04/2015 20:43

Go for it, OP! I passed my test two months ago and recently did a mammoth drive - 500 miles over two days - and the anticipation was so much worse than the actual experience! What I found really helped was planning stops and then only programming the sat nav up to each stop so I was forced to take it (and could also think in terms of '30 mins to next break' rather than '3.5 hours to final destination', IYSWIM.

You'll be fine and feel much better once it is all over!

Ohmymg · 13/04/2015 20:46

You'll be fine op, as my dad says "take your time and keep your distance"- v good advice for motorway driving.

I'm not really fazed by driving but I do remember my instructor giving me the following advice when I was worried about dual carriageways and motorways "a road, is a road, is a road"

Stuck with me! Good luck

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 13/04/2015 20:52

Do it do it
You can. I know you can

I passed 18 months ago and felt just like you did including trying yo plan routes that didn't involve motorways. I hadn't even driven in dual carriageways much as I live in Rural Norfolk. Then I had to drive 250 miles across to mid wales going via Birmingham. I was dreading it. When it came to it I stopped thinking about it as one long journey. You don't do it all at once. It's a bit at a time and motorways aren't as scary as the idea of them.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 13/04/2015 20:59

You can do it, leave plenty of time and stay in the left hand lane until you need to overtake a slow moving vehicle then go back to the left hand lane when it's safe.

I used to dread motorways but now I prefer them to steet driving.

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