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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say react when my DH does something wrong

30 replies

MoanCraft · 13/04/2015 13:07

I just wonder what is the right way to react.
Here's the scenario: DH, DS and I pop to shops. We have lack of time so DH stays (happily) in the car while we pop out to 2 shops to get a necessary item for return to school.
We're gone about 10-15 mins.
Get back to car, no DH, car unlocked, my bag visible.
We get in the car DS says "where's daddy", I tell him he probably went for a wee. After 15 mins still no DH, I calm he says I'm coming to car now.
When he returns to car he realises we're in it and obvs he left it unlocked. When he gets in I'm annoyed as he left the car for quite a while, unlocked, as well as that he knew we were trying to fit loads in and in a hurry and he doesn't have the courtesy to let me know he's popped into a few shops himself.
So how would you react?

OP posts:

puppy123 · 13/04/2015 13:09

I would be pissed off.

LindyHemming · 13/04/2015 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 13/04/2015 13:11

It's a bit annoying but I think just an error. He probably didn't mean to be so long or leave the car unlocked. As he's an adult you dont need to discipline him.

VacantExpression · 13/04/2015 13:12

I would be angry too.

gamerchick · 13/04/2015 13:13

I would have hidden my bag and asked him where it was.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2015 13:14

I'd be annoyed about my bag and have a moan about that.

Then I'd forget it once he apologised.

MrsPeterQuill · 13/04/2015 13:17

I dunno

If I'd done something like that, my 'd'h would go on and on and on forever about it. However, if he does it, it's just shrugged off and forgotten about. Therefore, I just save it up and remember it at an opportune moment. Stupid and childish, but it works for me.

OfaFrenchMind · 13/04/2015 13:21

I would be pissed, and complain a bit, but never in front of the children (as he is not a child and should not be treated like one in front of them). Stop after 10mn at most, and do not bring it up every time you have an argument.
But yes, you can and should complain :)

BarbarianMum · 13/04/2015 13:36

Id have told him he was an idiot. He'd apologise (clearly in the wrong in the example you give). Then life would continue as normal, no harm done.

In a more ambiguous example -where I felt he was in the wrong but he didn't (or vice versa) we'd either discuss it like adults or snipe at each other a bit (depending on how tired we were).

tumbletumble · 13/04/2015 13:38

I'd tell him he was an idiot for leaving the car unlocked, but I wouldn't go on and on about it - everyone makes mistakes.

fulltothebrim · 13/04/2015 13:53

I would be pissed of but I like to take care of my own bag. I wouldn't leave anyone in charge of it even my OH.

WestEast · 13/04/2015 13:56

I'd be a bit riled but accept it was just a mistake and that we all make them.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 13/04/2015 13:59

This would irritate me. On two levels: 1) because he left the car unlocked with my bag visible and (2) if he had remembered to lock the car, I'd have been standing outside it waiting for him to come back because he wasn't courteous enough to let me know he'd decided to go shopping too.
However my DH has form for the latter so I'm probably bringing lots of baggage

sooperdooper · 13/04/2015 14:03

I'd be annoyed and tell him so but it'd soon be forgotten about, why didn't he just text to let you know that's what he was doing?

BuzzardBird · 13/04/2015 14:08

I would do nothing. My DH wouldn't apologise and it would just start a row. I wouldn't leave him in charge of my bag again though.

museumum · 13/04/2015 14:12

i wouldn't have left it 15mins before calling him, i'd have called after 1minute. i would have said 'why did you leave the car unlocked? and where were you, we've been waiting' - dh would have said 'well obviously it was a mistake' and i might say - my bag was in full view! he'd say 'sorry'. end of.

Original poster

MoanCraft · 13/04/2015 14:32

I kind of think that this post sums up my DH. He often does things and doesn't feel he should apologise for them and he is often inconsiderate (understatement) and often goes off, sometimes with DS without telling me where he's going. To me it's just common courtesy.
But he also just shrugs his shoulders and can't seem to see why I should be 'moaning' at him.
If he did apologise with something like this and explain that it was a mistake etc. I would just let it go. But often he doesn't and it riles me even more.
I thought I'd throw this one to the MN massive to see if I react 'accordingly' or if it really is something I should just accept and not say anything.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 13/04/2015 14:47

No, I think an apology is definitely warranted. And regularly just disappearing and leaving you hanging around wondering wtf is very rude.

YANBU

IrianofWay · 13/04/2015 14:51

He screwed up and miscalculated how long he would be. No biggie IMO. I'd have been upset that he left your bad in an unlocked car but he probably didn't realise it was there. What's the point of making a big deal out of it. I am sure there are times when you do similarly thoughtless things from time to time (well I do).

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2015 14:52

I would be very tempted to take your bag out, bugger off to a cafe with the kids and wait to see what he did when he realised your bag was 'stolen'. But then I'm mean.

DH is a bit like this. All because his narc DF taught him that apologising is weakness and everyone else is wrong all the time. It's very wearing. At least DH is trying.

IrianofWay · 13/04/2015 14:53

BTW if I want an apology I find the best way is to call him a muppet and make light of it. If someone instantly has a go at me I tend to not want to apologise.

keepsmiling2015 · 13/04/2015 15:53

I'd have been annoyed but after I had a go I'd move on. Not the biggest deal in the world. I've left the car unlocked by accident a few times -we're only human afterall.

Original poster

MoanCraft · 13/04/2015 18:34

so if your DH is inconsiderate (remembering the going off without letting me know where he is), you just let it go? Always?
I can get that it was a mistake, but he often does these things - leaving the back door unlocked etc. (I would like to add at this point that we were burgled in out last place by opportunists because my DH left the back door open - of course it only affected me as my stuff was stolen, funnily enough, one thing was my handbag).
So what do you say when it keeps happening?

OP posts:

keepsmiling2015 · 13/04/2015 18:51

I'm commenting on the aibu question and yes I would let it go, in this situation.

My dp is usually considerate so I would 'have a go and then let it go' like I said. Nowhere did I say or imply that I always let it go, like you suggest.

What else do you want me to say? I answered your question.

shewept · 13/04/2015 18:54

I would be mildly miffed. Dh left the car unlocked overnight and our brand new push chair got stolen. I was a bit miffed but that was it.

Dh goes off all the time, sometimes with the kids and that wouldn't bother me. If it impacts me, then I would say something....then let it go.

If you need to say something it should be when you are calm and after the event, when you have calmed down. If not it ends in a argument and no ones points gets lost.

We all do stuff we shouldn't. Imo this isn't a huge deal.

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