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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get really anxious about having workmen in my house?

18 replies

Welshmaenad · 13/04/2015 10:32

Not sure if this is a normal reaction!

We are having work done in the house today - part of a regeneration scheme so no cost to us, and I've not had any control over the firms contracted to do the work. I am really grateful that this work is being done, don't get me wrong, but I'm home alone to allow access for the work and I'm finding it really hard having them in the house. I'm feeling really panicky and on edge - they seem lovely and are very respectful so no reason to feel that way but I'm curled in the corner of the sofa pretty much shaking.

I'm normally pretty confident and my reaction is quite out of character. Have other people felt this way or am I beibg really pathetic? I just feel really out of control.

OP posts:

uglyswan · 13/04/2015 10:40

Blimey, OP, sorry, not normal at all (not pathetic either, please don't say that)! Has this ever happened to you before?

Original poster

Welshmaenad · 13/04/2015 10:43

No! I'm not well at the moment though (under investigation, chronic pain/tiredness etc) so maybe that's why I feel vulnerable? Mumsnetting to keep me occupied?

OP posts:

Bailey101 · 13/04/2015 10:49

You're not being pathetic at all. I've got workman in just now too, and even though they're lovely guys, I still can't relax. I'm worrying about the animals getting stressed and the front door being open and my carpets getting manky and all sorts of things like that.

If you're not well and stressed about other things, it's understandable that you're feeling like this. Do you have a finish date that you can look forward to?

Dieu · 13/04/2015 10:49

Can't you go out for a bit?

Bailey101 · 13/04/2015 10:50

Should have added, that while your reaction is understandable, if you get anxiety like this again maybe speak to your doctor about it.

uglyswan · 13/04/2015 10:52

Yes, pain will do that to you. You probably are feeling vulnerable and having strangers in your house can exacerbate that. Have you tried breathing exercises to calm yourself down (the key is to make the exhalations longer than the inhalations)? What I might suggest is making yourself bigger and more present instead of curling up into a ball (counterintuitive, I know!). Can you walk around a bit, make them a cup of tea etc? Confront the fear head-on (gawd, I sound like a self-help book, sorry!)

NeedABumChange · 13/04/2015 10:52

Do you know what is making you feel these things? Being alone with men, having strangers in your house, the change in the house?

mangoespadrille · 13/04/2015 10:57

I'm the same. We're in a new build so have had many, many workmen in to fix snags. They are all lovely and I've never had a bad experience but I dread them coming. I need lots of notice to deal with it. Sometimes they phone DH at work and ask if they can just pop in as they're on the estate and have extra time, but I always get in a tizz and refuse. I suffer from anxiety generally but I've really improved in the past year, but I think it's the sense of feeling uneasy and trapped when they come; you can't go out/get away from them/ask them to leave and they're "invading" you're safe space.

Try and focus on how pleased you'll be when the work is done, how relieved you'll be when they leave for the day. Good call on using a distraction too. I know people think it's weird but I totally get it and really feel for you OP.

Original poster

Welshmaenad · 13/04/2015 11:02

Thank you. I feel less ridiculous now. I just made them a coffee and am starting to relax a bit. mango I wasn't expecting them today, they rang on spec when I was on the school run to see if they could come today as they had workmen spare, the house is a bit of a mess as I've not been on top of housework and I'm a bit embarrassed and unprepared which I don't think is helping.

OP posts:

chinstrappenguin · 13/04/2015 11:03

You will definitely be feeling more vulnerable if you are poorly. If I was you I would put some earphones in, watch some tv/mumsnet/listen to music and try to relax. for you.

Dieu · 13/04/2015 11:10

Also do you have some Rescue Remedy, or similar, to hand? I've heard that can really help during moments of stress and anxiety.

mangoespadrille · 13/04/2015 11:14

No way I could've let them come in those circumstances so I think you're doing really well.

fulltothebrim · 13/04/2015 11:27

I hate having workmen in.

Usually a bunch of chauvanists- and I have to play the simpering women to get the best out of them.

Fatstacks · 13/04/2015 11:36

Don't beat yourself up, is there anyone who can pop around to sit and natter?

I detest having workmen in.
So much so that DP will take a leave day or I schedule work when someone is home with me.
I'm ashamed to admit that I have even kept DS home from school to avoid being alone.

Luckily after a heart to heart with DP he realised how much it affected me and we make sure now.

Dieu · 13/04/2015 11:38

No way I could've let them come in those circumstances so I think you're doing really well.

I totally agree to some extent, particularly if it's paid work where you would expect some flexibility, but in fairness they are probably inundated with the free regeneration work, and have to fit bits in here and there when they can.
Just to look at it from both sides.
You are doing well, OP. Just remember that it will be over soon and the end result will be worth it. They are probably just as keen to move on as you are!

CaspianSea · 13/04/2015 11:51

I feel anxious when we have workmen in. YANBU. It can be stressful having your safe haven invaded by strangers, particularly men. I feel vulnerable and on edge until they leave and keep worrying they might suddenly walk into room or that they need more coffee/biscuits. If DH is home I just let him deal with them and keep out of sight.

I once refused to have a man come and fix roof while DH was away. I didn't like the thought of him being able to peer in windows when I was there alone!

mangoespadrille · 13/04/2015 12:03

For me it's not about having a strange man in the house so much as my terror of being judged really. For example, I've been reading this forum for about a year since I got pregnant with DD and have only summoned the courage to post on a handful of occasions as I'm terrified of a negative response/ no response. I can totally identify with your comment about being embarrassed. Our house has to be imacculate if strangers are coming, and even then I'm worried that they'll judge my house for being too clean/minimalist.

Original poster

Welshmaenad · 13/04/2015 19:25

In the spirit of updating threads, I've come back to reassure you all that I survived

It got very stressful at one point, with no glass in the windows and the scaffolders turned up to put scaffolding outside my house, and there were 347975325 workmen and lots of banging that I had nowhere to hide from, but I took the wise suggestion to ram some earbuds in and watch Netflix and breathe through my mouth a lot.

They've got one window left to put in tomorrow morning, then it's all external stuff that I can close the curtains on.

Thanks for the virtual handholding.

OP posts:

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