Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact social services ( warning triggering. )

20 replies

Lucyloves101 · 13/04/2015 09:30

This is a really difficult post, and a pretty complicated story, I'm going to keep this brief. As a child I was neighbours with a little girl the same age as me, she was known as being a bit of an oddball and I was actually quite scared to spend time with her, but my mum completely insisted at times which was very unlike her. There were a few occasions that she did some very explicit, quite violent, sexualised things to herself in my presence (primary school aged) and I was very embarrassed and horrified. She also did things like tortured her cat, wiped bodily fluids on food, destroyed a lot of my toys and threw my favourite possessions out of a window ( just to be clear this is in no way a gripe I have in anyway, I feel incredibly sorry for her) just trying to explain some of her behaviour without too much detail. I never told my mum all of the things she did as I was very embarrassed. Anyway they then moved but I always had some pretty horrible memories. Recently I asked my mum why she made me have her over and she said my neighbour (let's call her Alice) mum had confided she was worried her dad was abusing her, and she had to work so my mum had to let her stay. Don't ask me why this was never reported, it should have been. They moved away before secondary school as Alice's parents were during this time in the process of separating. Through Facebook I'm now aware that Alice has two young children, her mum seems to be on the end of some huge feud and is not in contact, she is having a lot of time with her dad, posting photos of cars he has bought her, and statuses that refer to her having a child-free weekend. I worry for the safety of her children from their grandad if these allegations are true, but all I have is third-hand information and some odd childhood memories. Surely the grandmother would have reported him by now, and he is still in very regular contact with his daughter, but all I know is that her behaviour was very disturbed. Should I let social services know of my concerns, or would I be wreaking havoc on their lives?

OP posts:
LittleMissIntrovert · 13/04/2015 09:33

Could you perhaps call the NSPCC for advice? They would be able to advise you further maybe?

Idontseeanydragons · 13/04/2015 09:34

What an awful situation - I second ringing the NSPCC for advice.

wigglylines · 13/04/2015 09:35

It is the safety of the children you need to think of, not the upset to the adults. I'm sorry you're in this position but the answer is obvious I think, you should share your concerns with S'S.

BathshebaDarkstone · 13/04/2015 09:41

Yes ring the NSPCC. I don't want to say too much because I don't know if any MNers know me, but people close to me could have been saved from abuse if someone had rung them.

Original poster
Lucyloves101 · 13/04/2015 09:41

I hadn't actually thought of NSPCC, thank you. I don't have her address, just an area and name. It's all very sad. I know someone should be aware, just worry that my information is so weak it will cause upset but nothing will come of it. But if the children were monitored, that would be something.

OP posts:
NittyDora · 13/04/2015 09:54

Contact SW. You would be doing it for all the right reasons. If nothing is happening to these children SW won't do anything but if there is abuse your information could be what saves them.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 13/04/2015 09:57

I think any concern should always be reported whether it's emotional or sexual abuse. I had a friend when I was younger who came round to play and she ended up telling my mum that her dad was doing "mummy and daddy things" to her. My mum called the police straight away and it came out that her dad had been touching her inappropriately and made her touch him. She was 6 at the time and always acted differently to other children. He ended up behind bars

crapfatbanana · 13/04/2015 09:58

I think that, no matter how weak you think your information might be, it is viral that you share it with SS. It could be that the family are already known to them and your little piece if the jigsaw is an important one.

Fatstacks · 13/04/2015 10:10

What a crap situation.

Attitudes were very different even 20 years ago child abuse was sometimes one of those things that happened but were hushed up in families.
There is no way of knowing the Mother of Alice even acknowledged the abuse with Alice so she could still be in the grip of her abuser.

Definitely take nspcc advice.
At worst you are making mountains of molehills with pure intention s.

Otoh you are breaking a long cycle of abuse and protecting her dc.

LittleMissIntrovert · 13/04/2015 10:24

Sorry I forgot to add, I think you are doing the right thing by speaking to someone about it, well done Flowers

You can only tell them what you know, and they can take it from there.

PeppermintCrayon · 13/04/2015 22:00

Please report.

Unfortunately it's more likely that grandmother wouldn't report it.

Heyho111 · 13/04/2015 22:53

Your not causing a problem if you talk to social services. It will either amount to nothing or if there is something happening it will be dealt with.
Ring the nspcc first but never worry about trying to protect someone.

laughingcow13 · 13/04/2015 23:07

if her father did abuse her why on earth would she let him have her kids.it would make no sense at all.I think you are barking up the wrong tree op

Batmansunderpants · 14/04/2015 02:30

Laughing cow, some situations are this dysfunctional! People can love people that abuse them, if abuse is all they know and normalised.

Gralick · 14/04/2015 02:50

This is how it runs through families, laughing :(

What your Mum did was fantastic, Glitz! If only all adults were that sensible.

I concur with the advice to ring NSPCC, Lucy. Hope you get a good advisor, who helps Thanks

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 14/04/2015 03:01

laughingcow Hmm

munchkinmaster · 14/04/2015 03:05

What does your mum say? Will she back you up?

I would say something, maybe their current neighbours have also reported some concerns eylkyand your report tips the balance towards investigating

Crossfitmyarse · 14/04/2015 03:13

Horrible situation to be in. Is it likely that if her dad was sexually abusing her she would voluntarily allow her children to be in his company alone? You would think that she'd be more inclined to be in close contact with her mum rather than her dad, if the allegations were true.

FixItUpChappie · 14/04/2015 03:37

Many, many people knowingly expose their children to various sexual abusers - boyfriends, family members, friends etc. and for a whole host of reasons. It is a sad and unfortunate fact that is more common than perhaps the average person would expect.

call SS Op - tell them what you know. If they have enough they will look at it and if they don't at least you tried everything you could. I am sorry these behaviours haunt you to this day. They would be confusing and frightening for any child - acknowledging that doesn't demonized her Thanks

wigglylines · 14/04/2015 07:19

Laughingcow I expect you mean well, but your post is naive and misguided.

You cannot assume that because one person knows another person to be an abuser that they won't allow them access to their kids. If only that were true. Sadly life is more complicated than that.

The OP's priority must be the children in the situation, and If there is ever any suspicion of abuse the right thing to do is report, not speculate on the motives of the individuals involved.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page