to agree with my 7 yo over my DP?

[AlmondAmy]

DD is 7, DSD is 8 and I've been with DP for 6.5 yrs. DP repeats himself til he's blue in the face to DSD but she doesn't listen to a word he says. He doesn't put any consequences in place and so it won't change. She does listen to me but I'm only willing to step in if I'm the only adult or if what she's doing is unsafe - I don't think I should be the bad guy and have to parent her as well as our other dc when dp is there.

At the weekend she continued to do something she'd been told not to and fell into open water. Dp said nothing. She pushed our babys pushchair into the road as she ignored dp telling her to wait. Dp said nothing. She refuses to tidy up after herself. Dp did it for her and said nothing. She refuses his requests to help with anything (I.e. Passing something) and he says nothing.

Dd who's 7 is understandably getting annoyed with the double standards and DSD being pandered to. She asked last night why she has to listen to him or else there's consequences but dsd can continue to do as she likes. Also she asked dp to pass her drink please, he said 'you have legs, get it yourself.' A few minutes later he told her to take her younger sisters tissue to the bin. She asked why she has to help him but he won't help her? And to be honest, I think she has a point in both instances.

He responded saying to her saying you listen to mum so must listen to me and she said I listen to mum because she'd help me out too. AIBU in speaking to dp and agreeing with dd?

Yanbu at all.

His behaviour is unfair on dd, and she needs protected from it more than he needs to be allowed to be Disney dad to his own dd.

I would try my best not to be too critical, but point out the different ways he treats DSD and DD as you have here, and ask him to agree to be more fair when all the children are together.

I wholeheartedly agree with you and your dd.

Ironically, in giving consequences to your dd, he is a better father to her than to dsd. I wonder if he sees that.

Dsd is on track to be a monster as a teenager if she's not pulled up on her behaviour now.

Do dd and dsd both live with you?

Agree with your dd that his parenting needs to change! I'd be having words, I wouldn't be happy spending time the four of you until he sorts out his parenting; he cannot be using double standards like this.

That's bonkers, YANBU at all.

I think you need to speak to him and tell him that you both need to take a stand and treat both girls equally, no allowances. Rather than attack and say "You do x, y and z for DSD" which will get his back up, say "from now on we need to do x, y and z" and make yourselves a plan.

It's hard, being a step family. But it's so much harder when you're not presenting a united front. And her behaviour has the capacity to not only get worse but to affect your DD, too.

There can only be one set of rules for all dc in the house. If dd is expected to tidy her room or else, then the same goes for dsd and no Dad stepping in to do it for you. You need to have a conversation with your dp and stop waiting for your dd to make the point for you.

Your DSD will feel resentful that your DD gets her Dad full time. I assume that DSD sees you every weekend?

If so it's time to sit down as a family and discuss and air greivances and come to an agreement. I don't see why your DD should put her sister's tissue in the bin but I also don't see why she can't get her own drink.

"Pass" a drink is not the same as havign to get up and go to it and bring it to someone so I assume DDs drink was either in another room or an area which needed to be walked to...in which case your DP is right. She can get it herself.

He could reach the drink, she couldn't. Dp mostly works away so both girls only see him at weekends.