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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to call the police/ambulance to the home of a facebook friend?

16 replies

Yambabe · 12/04/2015 14:19

I have a FB friend who lives about 200 miles away from me. I've "known" her from various online forums etc and via FB for about 11 years although we have only met once or twice in that time.

I discovered today that her DH of 25 years (they have been together since school) left her for someone else last month. Mostly cos she has been posting really strange and out-of-character messages on FB: "I need help" "Have I exhausted all my friends" "Is anyone out there for me" "Please help me" [hmmm]

I have messaged her my number and said call if she needs to talk, also asked her if she has done anything she might regret as I'm really worried about her. She also posted her address! We have a few mutual friends but no-one I feel I know well enough to ring/message to ask about her cos it feels a bit like I would just be asking for gossip.

I just want to know if she's OK and that she hasn't tried to harm herself. I think I would be over-reacting if I called anyone official but on the other hand.......

WWYD?

OP posts:
newbieman1978 · 12/04/2015 14:26

I'd say that if you are genuinely concerned your friend may harm herself or has done already then contact anyone who may have information about her or who could go check on her.

I'd not worry whether you know these other people well or not.

I'd only contact the police as a last resort, exhaust all other avenues first.

VivaLeBeaver · 12/04/2015 14:28

Personally I think it would be over reacting. She hasn't actually said she'd hurt herself has she? When did you last talk to her?

VanitasVanitatum · 12/04/2015 14:31

If you're genuinely concerned you could call 101, they can judge if they've the resources to pop over.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 12/04/2015 14:31

Sounds like a FB drama llama to me. Surely she has real life friends looking after her?
I agree with Viva.

Original poster
Yambabe · 12/04/2015 14:32

Last spoke about 2 months ago. They had some damage to their house and were moving into temp accommodation which was all very stressful so wasn't surprised when all went quiet for a bit. Then today this.

Have tried a couple of other people who live a bit closer to see if they could call in. Wish I could just go round and see her..........

OP posts:
MissDemelzaCarne · 12/04/2015 14:33

Can't you call her?

DrankSangriaInThePark · 12/04/2015 14:35

Have I understood that basically you only know her from online forums etc?

tanukiton · 12/04/2015 14:35

To put your mind at rest. Phone the police 101 but tell them everything you have written here. It is hard and does sound like a cry for help.

missymayhemsmum · 12/04/2015 14:39

Message her. along the lines of I'm really worried about you. Please call me this afternoon to let me know you are safe and ok. If you don't get a reply then call the police. Do you have contact numbers for any of her family?

FarFromAnyRoad · 12/04/2015 14:40

Are none of her other family members Facebook friends of hers? I have a couple of such friends that I 'know' but don't know but I also recognise their family friends on there. Could you maybe get in touch with one of them?

Original poster
Yambabe · 12/04/2015 14:49

Dranksangria yes, we have been talking online for many years but only met in person a couple of times.

I think maybe I am getting over-involved. I have messaged her my number but she hasn't responded or posted again since then.

Just the tone of these posts is so odd, and so different from how she normally is. Have now messaged a couple of other mutual friends too, to see if anyone is near enough to just go and make sure she is OK, hold her hand or whatever. All I've had back so far is more details about the affair which to be honest I neither want nor need to know about.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yambabe · 12/04/2015 14:51

*don't want or need to know about, ffs call the grammar police!

OP posts:
PeppermintCrayon · 12/04/2015 18:31

I think she's either really ill or being a massive drama queen. I'm not a fan of these sorts of posts because it makes people feel terribly worried and unsure of what the right thing is to do. You have offered for her to call if she needs to talk, which is really lovely of you. But you aren't responsible for her, and if she chooses to keep vaguebooking instead of seeking more meaningful support then that isn't something you can change for her.

LowryFan · 12/04/2015 18:33

Phone non emergency police and ask them to check her welfare. She is in a vulnerable state from the sounds of it.

LowryFan · 12/04/2015 18:33

PS obviously i hope she is ok x

londonrach · 12/04/2015 18:33

Call 101 as they are best to judge if concerned. Hope shes ok x

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