To be upset and hurt?

[Meh84]

I'm not a sexy person, I find it hard to like myself and be comfortable in my own skin.

I also can't relax, I always seem to have 101 things going on in my mind and sex is the last thing on it.

DH said this morning that he's frustrated about the lack of sex, and that if I was to say to him he won't get any at all at least he could stop trying.

I feel so sad that I've made him feel like that, but hurt too because after 15 years together he clearly doesn't know me at all.

Help, how can I become a sexy person who is confident?!

You sound like you think your husband is expecting you to be some overly sexy Jessica Rabbit type - which I think not many of us probably have the confidence for!! Does he want this from you? Or does he just want to be intimate with the woman he married? Nobody should be coerced into sex they don't want, obviously, and there's nothing more offputting than a sex pest. However, would you be prepared to explore ways of setting aside time for intimacy?
Note - I'm not saying husband has a "right" to expect sex, but for me, physical intimacy is really important in a relationship.

It really can be hard to focus on that when you have so much other stuff going on. If your DH wants the intimacy, he can help by taking you out on a date where you can spend some quality time together and clear your head of the day-to-day worries. (And knock back a drink or two to get rid of some of your inhibitions)

First, take deep breath and don't let this be a big dividing row x

It's great that he desires you like that, and that by not "having" you actually speaks up about missing you. OK, so his word choice was poor, but his heart was in the right place. Also, your first reaction was horror that he was hurt. Again, great that you care enough. If you're still with me, then you have the basics to fix this. You both care enough to want it be different.

Personally, I don't really think there's any such thing as "being" sexy. You either feel sexy or you don't, and right now you don't. I'm not surprised if you have 101 things on your To Do List. It might be worth having a look at the list though and just seeing how much of it is actually as crucial as having a loving intimate relationship with your husband. Because to my mind marriage is a meeting of minds, souls and yes, bodies. That bit can't be overlooked and feeds into the other parts of the marriage too.

I really suspect that by having a sexual relationship with your DH you will find yourself sexier and probably more confident. It's just damn hard to break out of the initial habit if sex-inertia because we're all so busy with other stuff.

I really hope I don't sound too preachy. I genuinely want to help x

He is frustrated. Imo when our issues impact upon our relationship we have a responsibility to sort them.