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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re crying in work

29 replies

Tubbylittletitwitch · 12/04/2015 00:49

I have a new (very stressful) job within a company I've been with for a few years. The workload is much higher than it should be for a new starter due to other people unexpectedly leaving the department. I have been ill with something between a cold and a flu for the past ten days (fever, headaches etc) but due to high work load and wanting to make a good impression I (stupidly) continued working from home rather than taking a few days off to recover. This meant I carried on working up to 10 hour days while Sick on very little sleep and due to lack of appetite very little food. I returned to work on Friday but was exhausted and after a particularly stressful conference call (high maintenance and rude/aggressive client) I actually broke down in tears. I am mortified. Only the two people sat near to me saw (I hope) but one was my manager who took me into a room where I proceeded to SOB. Not cry....SOB!! Like a toddler. AIBU to think that this will negatively affect my career and I'll be deemed unfit to cope with the pressure of the job? Kind of a WWYD also; what, if anything can I do to come back from this? I'm Mortified

OP posts:

TowerRavenSeven · 12/04/2015 00:54

Next time you see your manager just explain how sick you were and that was the reason, I'd add a perfunctory 'sorry about that' and let it go. If I were a manager and knew someone was really sick but working hard to make a good impression I wouldn't hold it against them.
Feel better!

ChipDip · 12/04/2015 00:56

What Tower said. Just explain you were sick and felt so out of it.

ShouldIworryornothelp · 12/04/2015 00:56

I've cried at work before. For me when I get really really angry about something it seems to be my natural bodily reaction and I'm not crying as in sobbing but my eyes leak.

Just explain you're feeling unwell and need to take a step back. You're not the first and won't be the last to cry at work!

MillionToOneChances · 12/04/2015 00:56

I would be inclined to apologise for your error in judgement for working such long hours through your illness, which clearly left you in no fit state to be back in work on Friday.

It's been a rocky start, but you are known within the company and presumably not for sobbing. Ease up on yourself, and get some rest!

scurryfunge · 12/04/2015 01:08

Don't worry. A good employer will recognise stressful situations that affect the employee. It's not a big deal if someone reacts to a situation like that if it's unusual or understandable. I deal with many stressful situations at work and have never been criticised for being a bit weepy on occasions. It's not a sign of weakness but a demonstration that you are human and care.

pinningwobble · 12/04/2015 06:25

I have a real problem with crying. It's a natural bodily reaction for me when people get confrontational. I usually have to go and hide in the stationary cupboard til it goes away.

TiredButFine · 12/04/2015 07:15

Crying at work can feel mortifying, but I think we need to reclaim it....women cry more than men, it has to be expected that we cry at work! Firstly, take a day off sick and watch crap telly, clear your mind and relax. You will be surprised at how little difference it makes to the workload.

Secondly, schedule a meeting with your manager and explain your dedication and hard work lead to the crying, so you are obviously overwhelmed with the work tpso they need a strategy to help you- either taking work off you or delaying some of it, as otherwise if things carry one with this workload you won't cope and that will affect work much more than delaying or delegating stuff.

Thirdly, put an out of office on your emails saying you are "in and out of the office so there may be a delay in replying" i do this and I have a great group of colleagues who actually don't hound me when I do this (and one who has a total meltdown and embarrasses himself by actually harassing me via office collegues overvtrivial things, they are wise to it now and my boss has has a word with him)

manchestermummy · 12/04/2015 07:23

I cried in the middle of a big shared once. I'd received a not very nice email as part of an ongoing saga and I was furious. People just looked at me like .

I am under a huge amount of pressure atm and have to work hard to keep the tears at bay. Usually a cup of tea and removing myself from people for 15 minutes or so does it.

Don't feel bad op, you are only human!

SandysMam · 12/04/2015 07:27

Hmmm, I think you are right to be mortified, very unprofessional but also totally human so put your mortification in a box and move on. A good lesson though to work hard but not to the point where this kind of shit happens...use the mortification to keep a healthy work life balance....better to take a few days off sick and recover properly then push yourself to the limit, in order to prevent such things happening again. No one ever gossiped in the staff room about a colleague having a few days off with flu but a melt down like that would not have gone unnoticed (although sure it is yesterday's news by now). Move on and give a tiny bit less to the place!!

PeachyPants · 12/04/2015 07:39

I think it very much depends on the culture of your workplace. I work in a very emotional team and rarely a week goes by when someone doesn't have a cry (frequently me but I'm the kind of person who blubs through ad breaks). I've cried in front of my boss and she's cried in front of me, it hasn't altered the amount of professional respect I have for her in fact I find it quite humanising. When it happens we give the person a hug and get them a brew and we might keep an eye out to check that they are ok and see if there's anything deeper troubling them but it's not a big deal, we work in a high pressure environment and I think a cry can be very cathartic. Try and put it behind you.

Ginmartini · 12/04/2015 07:56

I think the fact you sobbed like a toddler is mortifying yes and I'm sorry but you COULD have stopped that.

Some of my team have cried at times, but I'm talking a few tears, eyes filling, stuff that you really can't help on occasion.

But if they had wailed and sobbed I would think differently of them. Unless you have been told of a close bereavement or some absolutely extreme situation there is no need for that behaviour at all.

All you can do is show your boss you are professional and together and apologise/explain the situation and put it behind you.

TheMustard · 12/04/2015 07:59

Agree that it definitely depends on the culture of your workplace. I'm a teacher, I see staff cry most days at my work, so it's generally accepted as commonplace.

pinningwobble · 12/04/2015 08:30

Ginmartini I'm sorry but sometimes you cant stop yourself sobbing.

I understand it makes people uncomfortable but I do think in this country we are unbelievably stunted when it comes to expressing emotion. We get ashamed of it.

My family is Latin american and someone is always crying!!

If you can stop yourself crying good for you but I'm afraid some of us can't.

Silvercatowner · 12/04/2015 08:35

If one of my team did that I would be considering the support I was giving to them. I would be very unhappy that they felt they were unable to rest during a period of illness and I might be reconsidering work load etc.

pinningwobble · 12/04/2015 08:37

Silvercat you sound like my line manager - a great one to have!

Grapeeatingweirdo · 12/04/2015 09:01

If it makes you feel better, I work in a totally male dominated company and, due to PMT and a horrible series of emails from the MD, burst into tears in front of the newly appointed office manager. This was only a couple of weeks ago.

I think you need to give yourself a break and remember that we are human beings and these things happen. Crying is not a weakness, it is a perfectly human and normal way of expressing pent up emotion.

Take some time off to recover from your illness and be kind to yourself

Grapeeatingweirdo · 12/04/2015 09:02

I hope you have a good rest of the weekend OP x

Seriouslyffs · 12/04/2015 09:09

ginmartini you are a lone voice. What industry are you in? Just be careful the world doesn't change around you and you're not left stuck to your stone dinosaur ways.

ahbollocks · 12/04/2015 09:09

I operate on the 'if you have to cry, Go outside' school of thought.
Just apologise, dont make a big drama out of it. Blame it on flu medication if you have to :) Everyone has done something embarrassing at work at some point.

winewolfhowls · 12/04/2015 09:16

Also a teacher here. People cry in our workplace every day too

winewolfhowls · 12/04/2015 09:18

Also extreme lack of sleep does it for me. I can be having a normal conversation and the tears will just start rolling when im not even upset.

Joshuajosephspork · 12/04/2015 09:23

If I were your manager I would be concerned about my role here. If I have allowed you to reach a point when you are sobbing at work I would be talking to you about pressures outside work (not in any detail, just is there something bothering you? anything we could do to support you? that type of thing) I would be discussing your workload and worried as to why you felt unable to take time off sick. There is something very wrong with a workplace culture that places such an emphasis on presenteeism that people feel that they can't time time off when genuinely sick - and it is counterproductive in the long run. I work in a high stress environment but hope that I/we are supportive enough that people do not reach this pitch because of work.

Be kind to yourself

Original poster

Tubbylittletitwitch · 12/04/2015 09:35

Thank you for all of your replies! its comforting to hear that it's not actually the end of the world as I know it :) I definitely need a think about work/life balance, I've been working late (sometimes until ten in the evening) and weekends since starting the job four months ago and I think I've lost sight of real life somewhat. I Think I will take the breezy approach and laugh it off with my boss as a side effect of the illness.

OP posts:

bedraggledmumoftwo · 12/04/2015 10:05

It sounds to me like you need to have an honest chat about work life balance, staffing issues etc. If I had been working evenings and weekends for four months I think I would be having a nervous breakdown, let alone crying at work!

SandysMam · 12/04/2015 10:10

Someone else will probably be found photocopying thier tits in the morning and you will be yesterday's news Glad you feel better OP, have a happy Sunday and no more talk of work until tomorrow!

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