Let dd go to a friends party without me...

[RubyShoo5]

Hi all

Im a newbie who has somehow got to the point of having a 7 yo dd and have never joined mumsnet (i think maybe im not normal!)Ive posted on other sites when i was pregnant but stayed away since then due to a not very nice group of ladies... but thats another story!

Anyway, my friend swears by you all for helping her stay sane and as im lying here unable to sleep due to quietly fuming and trying not to wake dh i thought id post and see if im overreacting... hope im in the right place.

So, before the school hols my dd got an invite to a friends party, Ive met the parents quite a few times and theyve always seemed ok to me.

The party was starting at 3 and involved going to a beauticians for a girly make over, then onto the cinema, followed by an Italian meal and then a sleepover! All seemed a bit ott to me but dd was desperate to go so i agreed to all of it but the sleepover (think shes a bit young for that tbh plus she isnt a good sleeper)

Yesterday the mum called me to say there had been a mix up with times so she wouldnt have dd back home until 9.30. Thought it was a bit late but agreed to it as its a one off and the school hols.

Well off dd went at 3, then at 9.30 i get a text telling me shes having a lovely time, so i text back and ask when theyll be back. By 10pm she hadnt replied so i called and she said theyd be another half hour or so. 10.30 comes and shes not home so i call again and she says the meal was late so itll be around 11! After a few more (unanswered) calls she finally brought dd home at 11.45!!! She sent her to the door with her son, obviously knew we wouldnt be happy with her.

Dh was fuming but calmed down when dd told him about her day and he went off to bed.

As i was sorting dd out for bed and hearing about her day she then said 'i went to the toilet and forgot which screen we were in' her friends mum let her walk out of the film and go to the toilet on her own???!!

Then to top it off she said at the meal her friends dad kept 'stroking her hair' and she didnt like him, hes italian and quite touchy feely so i dont know if its a culture thing and im reading more into it because im angry?

Havent said anything to dh cos i know he will be even more angry.

AIBU about...

1. The lateness

2 . The toilet thing

1. The dad

???

Sorry for the long post and thanks for taking the time to read x

The toilet thing wouldn't bother me although I would be sure the child knew which theatre we are in and keep an eye out.

The late thing and the no response to texts would make me mental and not nice to the person dropping her off. I hate lateness at any time, but the no contact about it would send me over the edge.

Let's all be realistic here, your DD was at a sleepover hence the lateness with lots of excited girls having fun at a house.

You could and should have picked your own DD up anyway and not let the party girls mother bring your daughter home from all the fun to your door step away from the birthday girl.

House or restaurant, they were having fun.

I can't believe how many people would let their 7yr olds go to the toilet on their own in a large multiplex!

Sounds as though they were all having a wonderful time and lost track of time. We do tend to be a little more time obsessed than many cultures

ds (7) often out late with his friends past 9pm in our local family pub others by 8 are gone as they want to stick more to their routine that suits them

I wouldn't let ds go off to the toilet by himself as he can be quite dreamy though I know other children his age that are perfectly able to and I am sure do bit personally I would still take them

As for your dd being uncomfortable with having her hair stroked it's a good time to talk to her about how to deal with situations she is uncomfortable with and that it is ok to tell an adult no. I see nothing wrong with adults being affectionate towards children that are not their own nothing odd about it but children should be encouraged to speak out and adults to be more
aware not all children liked to be fussed over

No doubt your dd will be talking about her wonderful day for sometime to come next time she is invited make arrangements yourself to collect her

My 7 and 5 year olds go to the toilet on their own in the cinema!!

Otherwise, YANBU. I would hesitate to let my 7 year old sleep over. Definitely wouldn't with a family I didn't know very well. And coming back at midnight??! I'd think 9pm was very, very late at that age.

The hair stroking thing...I'd have to say something.

I'm half Italian, and can vouch for the touchy-hair stuff, which I do not find at all sinister. It's really about being relaxed around children, appreciating them and being physically affectionate (yes, even to a stranger's child).

THis happened when my DD was 8. Friend's party in restaurant....told me they'd bring her home for 8.00pm...no answer on phone when I called at 8.30....finally bring her home at 11.00pm!

I was so shocked they never bothered to text...I actually didn't mind the late night but the no contact had me panicked.

Sorry meant to also say that late night culture or nor (yes, another Italian thing), the no contact/text would drive me mental! YANBU on that one.

I think the touching thing would concern me mainly because your daughter wasn't happy about it. I think it's important that we teach our girls that they own their own body and that no one has the right to touch it if it makes them feel uncomfortable. Maybe talk to her about what to say should it happen again (which it probably will unless you're going to stop her going to that house).

My DH is Italian. I lived in Italy for many years. Stroking young girls' hair (who isn't a relative) is NOT a cultural thing. It's a creepy thing.

Also, keeping a 7 year old out until 11.45pm is unacceptable when it was agreed child would be home more than 2 hours earlier

YANBU. If the parents didn't know for sure what time they could bring your DD home by, they should have been honest about that so that you wouldn't worry when they arrived later than the agreed time. 11:45 is absolutely ridiculous for a 7 year old, cultural or not; if they are staying up late at home it is fine in school holidays but as she was out it was completely unacceptable. I also would have at least waited outside the door to the ladies' for the girls if it was a large multiplex so that they didn't get lost or chatted up by god knows who.

The hair stroking thing is creepy. Even if it is just because she has nice hair, your DD said the touching was awkward and unwelcome. I wouldn't want him to be alone with her again if I were you tbh.