to be upset about this comment by a colleague?

[pinningwobble]

Was chatting with a colleague yesterday about our respective childhoods. I am oldest of 6 and Dad buggered off when I was twelve. Mum had to work night shifts etc. Siblings and I helped her a lot round the house as we were brought up to do. From young age all of us learned to cook, clean etc. told colleague about this and she said 'that seems really cruel on kids to be honest, I think that was terrible judgement on your mother's part.'

I adore my mum. She did the best she could for us in really difficult circumstances so I was upset to hear her spoken of like that!

AIBU? Is it now considered cruel to make kids do chores?!

thank you hesterton, what a lovely thing to say.

My 2 year old is expected to pick up after herself, she's usually the first to potter to the sink and drop her dishes in, my 7 year old sd cleans her room, puts her dishes in the sink and her laundry in the basket, I think kids should do chores. And in a single parent family it's totally understandable to get children to help, your mum sounds lovely pay no attention.

I am one of four. We all had jobs to do in the house - dishes, ironing, peeling the spuds etc.

Many hands make light work. Fuck one person picking up after the many.

Sounds like your mum brought you up to be decent and considerate adults. Unlike your colleague's parents, who brought her up to be judgemental, insensitive and rude.

What a bloody nasty thing to say.

Other than what the fuck did she expect your Mum to? Work all night and then all day? ? ?

But then I am of the opinion that not teaching and expecting your children to do this stuff is a form of neglect. Being a parent means equipping them with the knowlege and skills to be a functioning & contribution adult (as able).

Growing up all my sibs and friends had regular chores, it wasn't seen as a thing, it was normal, your way of contributing to the running of the family. I'll admit I grew up in a rural community. I thought and was thought of being lucky that I wasn't helping muck out animals, getting up to make breakfast and get the younger ones sorted for school 'cause Mum & Dad had been out lambing all night.

I & sibs just had normal house stuff to do ??.

But seriously look at so many relationships where people aren't pissed off so much by their OH not pulling their weight. It's where some many friends say yes OH will do XYZ but I have to ask, I have to do the thinking.

Where if it's habit to I don't know, wipe around the bath after using it, tidy up after themselves, how much more pleasant it is for every one in the family?

YANBU! My mother out of some misguided feminist principle decided that she would not teach me how to do chores when I was little but would my brother because to teach me would somehow have been 'sexist'.

I'm absolutely fucking helpless now, useless at running a home and feel overwhelmed by the smallest tasks. Getting kids to help with chores, learn do to do them and get into a routine is the best thing for them, I wish mine had.

Also your poor mother would have been dead on her feet if you didn't help her. Your colleague is a prat.

I know the same thing happened in my husband's generation in Ireland. Mothers of boys wouldn't let them lift a finger and they were waited on hand and foot and grew up unable to care for themselves and if they didn't marry or were widowed early ended in a right pickle.

Fortunately my MIL made my DH do chores which is a godsend as he runs the house and lets me know what I need to do.

Ps. Your Mum sounds great

thank you everyone!

you know the funny thing is my DP's mum did everything for him (literally everything until he was 18 and left home) - made his bed, did his laundry etc etc.

DP now if anything is tidier than I am - never have to ask him to do anything, always cleans up after himself. Suspect that's an exception and I'm just very lucky!

The friend who I mentioned above has a DH who comes home from work and runs his finger over the skirting board to see if it's dusty!!!

Mum looked after 4 of us on her own, we all did chores and shopped and cooked. My Dhaka, whose mother did everything for him, is good at running a house but his kids do nothing around the house. I find that really odd.

Your colleague may not have meant to be rude but she was.

The friend who I mentioned above has a DH who comes home from work and runs his finger over the skirting board to see if it's dusty!!!

That's blood weird.

I agree with everyone else. I think parents who run around after their children like that are actually doing them a disservice. My dp's mum did that and he found it a real struggle when he first left home. He's adamant that our dd will know how to take care of herself before she leaves. We are going to make sure she's included in doing the cleaning, cooking and shopping etc.

Actually now I think of it, I remember dp's mum once saying about her dd's boyfriend, "Oh poor Fred, his mum makes him do everything at home. He has to clear his plate, wash up, clean... I think he likes it here (at hers) because he feels more relaxed." The way she was saying it, you'd think his mum was abusing him!

Your friend sounds like the sort of person whose life has been relatively secure, not blighted by her parents having ill health or marital or employment problems. She hasn't a clue what cruelty and hardship is.

Sad, really.

Your mum is a hero!! Left alone to raise 6 kids and working nights that must have been very hard for her. You sound a lovely person op, give her a big hug and kiss next time you see her, she obviously done an excellent job in raising you. As for colleague, what a dick.

I thanked my mum the other day. I remember being a bit annoyed with her telling me to do things at times as a teenager but now I've grown and have my own family I can appreciate why she did the things she did.I thanked her for showing me how to clean and to keep on top of things, how to do laundry and about bills etc.All the little things that can seem menial are in fact some of the most useful things aren't they?