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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that DH should have his hair cut on a week night

30 replies

LovelyBranches · 11/04/2015 11:37

Not a huge issue, but one which niggles and annoys me. DH has hair which seems to grow at a rate of knots and he get's it cut every 4 weeks, sometimes slightly more.

The local barber offers appointments on a weekday evening and is open until 7 on a Thursday. On a Saturday they ask for clients to wait turns. Last time DH did this he spent 2:30hrs at the barbers. He's now planning to go down at 1pm today.

Previously I've not minded but we have a baby DS and I feel that DH should either be trying to spend Saturdays as a family day, or maybe giving me a little bit of a break.

DH thinks I'm being unreasonable and he should be able to get his hair cut whenever he wants, but AIBU to expect him to book a weekday appointment?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2015 11:40

It's only every 4 weeks though, so unless you have specific plans for the day, I wouldn't worry personally.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/04/2015 11:42

Give him DS and say he has to
take him - I assume you have to
Take him to appointments, why would saturday be any different.

He's clearly using it to read/relax rather than it being an actual chore

If he doesn't go for that then you go off for the same amount of time when he comes back - you can likely fit in a film at the cinema

It's leisure time, you are both to get equal access to leisure time. Nothing to do with chores, just leisure time.

BlackDaisies · 11/04/2015 11:42

I've never heard of anyone being HAPPY to wait 2 and a half hours - it would put most people off ever going there again. So I suspect he's after a bit of a break. Or else he's telling you he waited that long, but in reality he's sitting over a coffee somewhere. There's nothing really wrong with that, as long as you both recognise it as a small break, and that you get an equal break if you want one. Can you get out for a couple of hours later in the day?

ActingBusy · 11/04/2015 11:44

YABU.

You've got no real plans for the day have you? When he comes in, hand the baby over and tell him you're off out/upstairs for a nap. Or get him to take the baby with him.

But please don't start telling a grown man when he can and can't get his hair cut.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 11/04/2015 11:45

I would let it continue as when your ds is older your dh can take him along for hair cuts too.

In the mean time make up some random task you need to complete and go and have a coffee and read a book for two hours.

Ginmartini · 11/04/2015 11:45

He's afraid of saying he just wants a few hours to himself every few Saturdays I'd say. Maybe he knows you'll be arsey?

Can you take it in turns to have a couple of hours off every other Sat or something? Do you explicitly tell him you'd like a break?

reni1 · 11/04/2015 11:46

I wouldn't be too worried, but if you are stressed out by it, do the same the Saturday after his haircut. Go to the park or something for a 2.5h break. Or hand over baby to take with him as pp said.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 11/04/2015 11:48

I think you are being unreasonable over a petty thing like this.

However, 2.5 hours waiting to get his hair cut , now that is unreasonable.

DoItTooJulia · 11/04/2015 11:49

Oh that would niggle me too! The reality is that when you have a small baby every hour counts. It'd be wonderful if it didn't matter to you, but it does so you need to talk about it and see what can be done.

For me, when things like this come up in our family it feels like things haven't changed for dh in the same way they've changed for me and it grates. I've learned that dh doesn't bat an eyelid if I do something similar, so we both get to do things like slope off for a couple of hours here and there and it works because everyone gets that time out without it being an issue.

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2015 11:52

Would he be allowed to pop over to a friend's house for coffee, for 2 hours once a month OP?

gamerchick · 11/04/2015 11:52

I agree that it's more to get time to himself rather than the haircut. As long as he returns the favour.

Littlemonstersrule · 11/04/2015 11:54

Maybe he's tired after work and just wants to go home.

He's a grown man, surely he can decide for himself when he wants a hair cut and doesn't need to ask permission.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 11/04/2015 11:58

Technically I would say YABU, he can get his hair cut when he wants. However when DD was tiny and even now she's 17 months every second counted to me. I was at home with her all day in the week and the weekends were sacred time! I even found myself getting inwardly annoyed when he spent too long in the bathroom!

AuntieStella · 11/04/2015 12:01

Call his bluff a bit. Say you'll all come, and then go on together for a nice walk in the park on the way back. If there's clearly a long queue, you and DC can pop to the shops and pick up something nice for tea. If not, you'll just wait together.

A long queue on Saturday is no indicator of what the queue will be like on other ones.

If just buy clippers and learn to cut it for him [thrifty]

Or book your hair appointments for Saturdays too. If you're going out for a couple of hours, you'll mind less that he does.

LadyCatherineDeTurd · 11/04/2015 12:01

Yanbu.

TruJay · 11/04/2015 12:07

I understand where you're coming from but I think this is only an issue as you are not getting the same 2.5 hours alone time.
My DH and DS go to the barber together and yes sometimes the wait is long, never 2.5 hours but sometimes 1.5. They quite enjoy it, it's their thing and most of the time there is a friend of DH and their child so it's a bit if a social thing too. DH is a coach of the local footy team so he sees acquaintances there.
I think you need to have a talk with your DH and say that you also want a break and then go out for a browse at the shops/walk/lunch/meet a friend.
It will only lead to you being bitter if you don't also get your fair share of 'me time'. And don't ask him to babysit, he's the dad, it's just parenting and you want to do something alone.

GoblinLittleOwl · 11/04/2015 13:41

It doesn't take two and a half hours to get his hair cut, even waiting; he's avoiding child care. Go with him next time and leave him with the baby while you window shop suddenly remember some urgent shopping.

boodles · 11/04/2015 13:46

YANBU

Original poster

LovelyBranches · 11/04/2015 13:50

I completely agree about the 2.5 hr wait. It was ridiculous, what made it worse on that occasion was our plan to meet after the appointment. It took so long that DH used all the battery in his phone and had no way of reaching me so had to go home, whilst I walked (and walked) around our town centre with the baby.

I'm not in the habit of telling DH what to do but wasting a Saturday afternoon on a haircut seems so pointless to me. If he was going to watch the football then it would seem more worthwhile somehow.

I suppose I have to start giving DH more alone time with DS. I've never left him before so I really should start.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2015 14:10

How old is the baby?

Why have you never left him before? If he's more than a few weeks old, that's a bit strange.

Do you never pop round a friend's for a coffee alone, or go and get your hair cut? Do you take him every time you just pop to the shops?

MonstersBalls · 11/04/2015 14:17

Sometimes its not just about getting time away for yourself. It's about having 2 adults being jointly responsible for the baby, rather than just juggling outings on your own.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 11/04/2015 14:21

I don't think it's that unusual is it worra? I can't remember leaving DD until she was about 3 months. She was bf and wouldn't take a bottle, and still fed every hour and a half at that point. I might have popped to the shop for 5 mins but nothing longer than that.

jelliebelly · 11/04/2015 14:23

YABU expecting to dictate to a grown man when ga can and can't get his hair cut - give him a break!!

WorraLiberty · 11/04/2015 14:25

Maybe it's just me then but I still liked my independence after my babies were born and my DH liked the 1 on 1 time with them.

Original poster

LovelyBranches · 11/04/2015 14:32

DS is 5 months old. Yes he's breastfed and yes I do also admit to being quite clingy with him (if you can be towards your own child).

Maybe I cant relate to DH on this because I absolutely hate getting my hair cut and don't find it a relaxing experience at all.

OP posts:

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