Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Over his breakfast choices?

21 replies

LittleMissRayofHope · 10/04/2015 22:15

Split from dc's dad a few months ago. Things have been ok, we agreed to try and be as amicable as possible and he has been round a lot for the kids this surprised me and he has also been there for me.
DS was tiny at time of split and has proven to be a hard work baby and ExH has stayed over on sofa countless times, helped with all aspects of parenting.
For this I know I'm lucky.

Anyway, as it's been Easter Hols he took a few days off work and wanted dd (2.7) to stay with him at his flat. I was slightly reluctant but agreed, we hashed out rules and it all went ahead. 3nights. His flat is 15 minute walk from mine, and we met up during the afternoon on the middle day so she didn't miss me too much, FaceTime good nights etc. it was great.
She loved it, I got a slight break, ExH loved it. Awesome.

However, I've had a blow out with her at bedtime tonight. Over tomorrow's breakfast.
She wants: biscuits, chocolate bread (pain au chocolat) and brioche.
Although through out the conversation it transpired that it didn't have to pain au chocolat, it could be almond croissant or a cinnamon wheel.

I'm fuming, he's fed her huge amounts of sugary breakfasts, then when she's hungry after an hour he gave her the same thing again!!!

I messaged him very politely to double check what I was being told was actually true and he confirms it.
Aibu? I'm fuming cos I'm disappointed.

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleMissRayofHope · 10/04/2015 22:17

Before anyone asks, breakfast was being discussed at bedtime as she asked if she could have all these things 'cos that's what daddy has for me'.

I feel undermined in a way. I know I'm going to struggle to get healthy things into her again now. She's quite fussy anyway and he's just made it tough for me

OP posts:

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 10/04/2015 22:18

Meh.

She'll have forgotten about the chocolate bread by tomorrow.

fairylightsbackintheloft · 10/04/2015 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 10/04/2015 22:20

You've split - you don;t get to dictate what happens when she's with him. Even if you disapprove.

You'd be nuts to make a big issue over this surely if all else went well.

Hassled · 10/04/2015 22:20

She'll learn in time that what happens in Dad's house doesn't necessarily happen in Mum's house, and vice versa. Obviously better if you were all singing from the same hymn sheet, but it's early days and it sounds like it has potential to work well - don't blow it over a couple of pastries.

TheCowThatLaughs · 10/04/2015 22:20

It's far from ideal, especially the double helpings, but it won't do her any harm once in a while. I have this with ds who asks for coco pops sometimes, like he has at his dad's. I just tell him we have porridge without making a big deal, and he accepts it.

Kewcumber · 10/04/2015 22:21

And yes I used to have the same problem with my mother - DS very quickly learnt what is occasionally fine at Nanny's isn;t OK for normal mealtimes at home.

TwoOddSocks · 10/04/2015 22:23

I wouldn't be happy either but at some point you'll have to get it established that the rules at his house will be different to the rules at home. If she's mainly at yours it's annoying but natural that he'll be more lax about stuff like that since it's only for a few days where as you're providing the bulk of her food.

I would maybe mention it politely from a constructive point of view (e.g.do you mind feeding her something more like xyz that we have at home as I'm having trouble getting her adjusted back) but I wouldn't fall out over it/

WorraLiberty · 10/04/2015 22:23

Pick your battles

I agree, kids soon learn what to expect and where.

longdiling · 10/04/2015 22:24

Tell her it was a treat because it was her first time staying with Daddy. Have a nice, non-confrontational chat with him about it. If she's going to be staying over regularly then could breakfast be more 'regular' and less of a 'treat' most of the time because she's driven you potty asking for biscuits.

I really wouldn't blow up over it though - not if he's generally a decent bloke who's doing a good job as an equal parent. Save the anger for the big arguments because there's bound to be some in the future.

NotallTravellersarebad · 10/04/2015 22:24

Agree, you are split, you don't get to dictate what she eats. This is simple to solve...... If its not in the house she can't eat it .

Original poster

LittleMissRayofHope · 10/04/2015 22:25

I'm aware I can't dictate or control what he does. I'm not saying anything to him at all.

I'd be a huge hypocrite if I did as we've argued before over things I do that he disapproves of and I've told him its non of his business anymore! So I'm not making it into anything. I'm trying to understand my own feelings of huge disappointment here that I'll feel anxious each time he has her.

Healthy food is a big thing to him so I'm confused as to why he has filled her full of sugar and sweets. But I do get that it can be nice to be the 'treater'....
I probably am BU, just frustrated.

OP posts:

AwfulBeryl · 10/04/2015 22:26

My dts had doughnuts for breakfast the other day.
It's not all the time, I don't see the harm in having something like that for breakfast occasionally.

NeedABumChange · 10/04/2015 22:27

Her first time there during the holidays, it's not worth getting worked up about.
If it was a regular thing during contact then fair enough.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/04/2015 22:27

Yep, try the "it was a treat because you stayed with Daddy for the first time" and now it's back to normal.

And try to get your exH to understand why feeding them sugary calories that early in the morning is a bad idea...

AwfulBeryl · 10/04/2015 22:29

Don't you ever have panckaes or similar for breakfast op ? With your dad I mean.
for me it's not so much about being the treater, more like enjoying a treat with my children.

NotallTravellersarebad · 10/04/2015 22:29

I'm glad you are not going to say anything, very wise.
Hopefully it won't last.

AwfulBeryl · 10/04/2015 22:29

Dd that should Bebe, sorry bloody auto correct

cleanmyhouse · 10/04/2015 22:45

You had a blow out with a 2 year old at bedtime about tomorrows breakfast?

Everything is amicable and he is supportive?

You were reluctant to let her stay at her dads overnight?

You're furious about her getting pastry for breakfast?

YABU.

ShebaQueen · 10/04/2015 22:53

I agree with others, just explain that it was a treat while she was staying with Daddy. Out of interest, what do you normally give her for breakfast?

It does all sound remarkably civilised and would be a shame to argue over something like this.

RedSoloCup · 10/04/2015 23:02

Well, to be honest I give these things to my kids for breakfast sometimes (as a treat) but I would be furious if DH commented on this, neither would I comment if he gave them doughnuts just before lunch which has actually happened here a few times.....

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread