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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that some parents are indeed entitled and expect special treatment JUST because they have young dc?

86 replies

Mintyy · 10/04/2015 15:17

I was on a bus (we all love these threads, yes?) the other day and a lovely family - Mum, Dad, two young boys (about 4 and 2 I would say) and a baby in a back carrier on Mum's back got on.

Dad parked the McClaren pushchair in the wheelchair space and I thought to myself "blimey, they've got a lot of children on their hands".

After a while we came to a stop where two women with pushchairs wanted to get on. The first one did, the second could see there was no space and looked a bit cheesed off, as you would.

THEN I noticed that the McClaren was actually empty and the family had all gone upstairs to the top deck if you please! So not only was this other pushchair user unable to get on because there was an empty one in the space, but what if a wheelchair user had wanted to get on? Did they expect someone to shout up the stairs for them to come and move the buggy?

OP posts:

AldiQ7 · 10/04/2015 21:26

I'm another one who read the thread title, steeled myself for a fantastically juicy 'selfish parents' story, read the OP to the end and felt a pang of disappointment.

MaudGonneAway · 10/04/2015 22:03

Oh, come on Mintyy, if you're a Londoner who regularly uses buses, you'll have seen far more more shrill and self-entitled behaviour than this, from parents and non-parents. I once saw two women almost come to blows over a disputed buggy space on the 73 at Newington Green. They were about to start hitting one another with their Orla Kiely changing bags when I got off.

Morelikeguidelines · 10/04/2015 22:53

Bring back the bendy bus!

DillyDayDream8 · 10/04/2015 23:04

You were selfish not to get up and fold it yourself.

Original poster

Mintyy · 10/04/2015 23:05

OP posts:

Original poster

Mintyy · 10/04/2015 23:05

Gotta love AIBU!

OP posts:

Samcro · 10/04/2015 23:16

op yanbu
but on mn you will never get support over wheelchair spaces being for wheelchairs.
you needed to talk up the mum who couldnt get on the bus with her buggy

Devora · 10/04/2015 23:26

Ah, I had a lovely 'frothing at parents' moment today. Went to a coffee shop to get a bit of urgent work done. Normal general hubbub - fair enough, it's a public space. But then a baby started SCREAMING. On and on and on. The mother was trying to work on a laptop and basically ignoring the baby. It was really head-splitting and I started to feel irritated, but then remembered how tough the early months are, started thinking the poor woman was probably lacking sleep, up against a deadline etc.

After about half an hour she got up and put her coat on. Oh good, I thought. Then, to my horror, she wheeled the baby over to the man sitting next to me, and arranged to leave the baby with him and meet up in an hour. He was the baby's dad, who presumably was sitting separately from them in order to get away from the shrieking in order to work on his own laptop! He too, ignored the baby as he tapped away, or took calls on his phone. After about 40 minutes, my patience was wearing thin. I just couldn't get why, with both of them there, one of them couldn't have rocked the baby or taken her for a walk round the block. I also felt very sorry for the baby - it's a long time to just be left sitting in a buggy with no interaction.

Anyway, eventually he looked up and said to the baby, "Let's get you a bottle". He got the bottle and formula out of his bag and sauntered off to the counter for hot water. Whereas the baby shrieked hysterically as soon as he left her view. He casually glanced back over his shoulder, and I called to him, asking if he wanted me to rock her, or perhaps get the water for him. He said no, but did come back and get the baby to take to the counter. By the time he brought her back, she was falling asleep, and crashed out as he fiddled with the bottle. Hooray, I thought. Then - ye gods - he looked up, said, "Oh no!" and WOKE HER UP FOR HER BOTTLE.

Whereupon she screamed some more.

Honestly, they were there for over an hour, and the baby barely stopped crying throughout. I wanted to shake them and say, "You are clearly new to this and don't know The Rules. Let me explain. I will accept this is a public place, not a library or my office, and that baby sounds are part of the deal. I will not tut or glare at you, and if I can help I will do so. You, in return, need to take responsibility for at least trying to pacify your baby. Leaving it to scream in my ear while you make phone calls is NOT ok."

ChilliCrouton · 10/04/2015 23:45

MN is an education! I use buses occasionally but live in a town where there are no double deckers so I'm always in sight of my buggy by chance rather than design, it's never crossed my mind that not seeing it could even be a problem. Only once have i not been able to get on as the buggy quota was already reached, and used to travel with a Phil and teds which always had one or both children strapped in plus a mountain of shopping, and the fact that I couldn't fold it was never an issue. If we took our dcs to London for a holiday, it seems we would get all bus/buggy etiquette completely wrong! The dcs would be up the stairs to the top deck like a shot with me not far behind. But if someone shouted up that I had to fold my buggy then yes I would be that hugely apologetic parent who simply acted out of ignorance not entitlement, as mentioned up thread.

CactusAnnie · 11/04/2015 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppyFleur · 11/04/2015 06:55

Oh for goodness sake, it's the Easter break, is it remotely possible that this family aren't local Londoners & just weren't aware that they should have folded the buggy?

I'm as happy as the next person to hoik my judgey pants to Simon Cowell levels but this OP & title is frankly petty & disappointing.

pineappleshortbread · 11/04/2015 07:42

They probably shouldn't have gone upstairs and i know i certainly wouldnt a

pineappleshortbread · 11/04/2015 07:44

Sorry posted to soon...i wouldnt go upstairs with mine as i would be afraid they would fall down the stairs. However i also wouldn't fold my buggy (when i had a foldable one) just because it was empty i would fold it when it needed folded but then i wouldnt be upstairs. My buggy was never fokdable but i got off for wheelchair usera and other buggy users just had to wait as i had a bugaboo donkey.

CactusAnnie · 11/04/2015 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBigginsPieShop · 11/04/2015 07:51

OP why didn't you get up and fold the pushchair so the second mum could get on?

hazeyjane · 11/04/2015 08:01

Maybe the bus driver should have told the parents to fold the empty buggy when they got on.

I have got on the bus many times with ds in his sn buggy, and there has been an unfolded empty buggy in the wheelchair space, if the parents don't leap up to fold it, I ask the driver of they can shout up to the parents. I have folded them myself before.

wowfudge · 11/04/2015 08:11

I agree Mintyy but what I don't get is why, if you thought it was such a big deal to post on here, you didn't intervene so the buggy got folded up and the other woman could get on.

And Vivienne yet another dubious suggestion from you: it wasn't abandoned.

TwoOddSocks · 11/04/2015 08:59

Much more likely to be thoughtless than entitled. They probably saw there were two free spaces and it didn't occur to them that two more people might get on and need that space. I doubt they thought "haha my empty buggy can take up that space and everyone else will have to wait for the next bus".

I would have just folded the empty buggy myself.

Original poster

Mintyy · 11/04/2015 09:46

Firstly, the family got on the bus near the beginning of it's run into town from the London suburbs and really didn't look like bewildered tourists.

Right, I didn't notice the buggy was empty or that the parents were upstairs until it was too late and the third buggy user was looking folornly through the back doors as the bus pulled away. Also the buggy was festooned with "stuff" and it wasn't my place to take that off and fold it. And third, I am not au fait with modern McClarens (its been 9 years since I've used one) so wouldn't know how to fold it down anyway.

But, no, I was obviously in the wrong because I didn't fold it down! Only in Mumsnetland.

OP posts:

Binkybix · 11/04/2015 09:53

Oh and who goes upstairs on the bus with tinies?

My DH takes them up but I stay downstairs so I can sort buggy if need be. And get some peace and quiet.

Shame on you Mintyy for not folding that pram. What were you thinking?!

Original poster

Mintyy · 11/04/2015 09:54

Also, what I was hoping to achieve with this thread is to provide an example of how parents can sometimes let thoughts about other people and their needs go completely out of their heads because they are so busy parenting. We get constant denials that this ever goes on - that mindset of look at me I am in charge of toddlers and babies so yaboo to the rest of you.

Having said all that, of course sleep deprivation makes you do stupid things! I think what this family did was incredibly thoughtless. Hopefully anyone who has read this thread and is tempted to do the same would think on.

I don't think it was unimportant to the third buggy user left at the bus stop. If she knew she'd not been able to get on the bus because of an empty buggy I bet that would have really pissed her off!

OP posts:

PisforPeter · 11/04/2015 09:58

When rushing about with kids you forget about these things. And folding a Maclaren in a crowd with 3 kids is not that easy

Smooshface · 11/04/2015 10:01

well, maybe someone should have just folded it? if it was empty i'd have thought about it... or ran up and told them rather than just spectating?

Original poster

Mintyy · 11/04/2015 10:02

Its just not a valid excuse when there were two parents there PisforPeter. And the bus was not crowded.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mintyy · 11/04/2015 10:03

I got off at the next stop, hopefully they didn't do the whole one hour+ journey with their empty pushchair taking up a space.

OP posts:

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