To now be worried about DM/MIL childcare?

[BananaDrama34]

I am currently on mat leave but due to go go back to work in a few months.
Original plan was for PFB to go to nursery full time, however both DM & MIL have offered to have DD one day a week and myself and DH are very grateful for this.

Neither DM/MIL will accept money for this so my idea was to pay for petrol (as they will be coming to us) and leave money for if they want to do something - ice cream at the park etc.

Another idea was to meet near my work at the end of the day to do a drop off/pick up with DD as this will shorten both of their journeys home.

I saw no problems with this arrangement (maybe looked at it through rose tinted glasses) but after reading another thread about family providing childcare, I'm worried I've been naive.

AIBU to now think this arrangement needs a little more planning to ensure it runs smoothly? If so, can anyone give me advice on things I should do to ensure this happens as I'm now starting to panic?

My eldest GS is 10 we have had him at least one day and another day plus overnight ever week for the last nine years. We plan holidays to match his parents or ocassionally other granny comes to cover but we don't go away alot of DH is disabled. A few times they have come on holiday with us, particularly if we are visiting/meeting up with other family members.

I have done the school run, swimming lessons/football club etc so they don't miss out on after school stuff. We don't get paid so they eat what we eat, if DIL wants them to have a special diet she can provide it but she chooses not to, DS grew up eating what we eat so I assume he is happy with it but if not he has never mentioned it and obviously if he wanted to he could provide food but never has.

We now have the younger two as well. It can work. I would imagine we have saved them a small fortune over the years.

My mother proved to be a very unreliable child care giver even though she insisted on doing it.

I had my DD in nursery within a few months. I declined her offer second time round.

Have a plan B, just in case.

It may all go swimmingly. My friend who didn't take money to look after her GC, found it was costing her a small fortune in clubs and outings. DIL then kept a small purse in GC's rucksack topped up with cash to cover costs.

You lot are lovely but I wouldn't come on MN for childcare advice

The posts on threads such as this one are so foreign to me. For 4 years I've relied soley on my mum, and both my grans to look after my children while I worked full time, I don't have set working ours either so having a drop off/ pick up time is a no-no.

I can count on one hand the number of emergency holidays I've had to take. But then we're a very, very close family who all live within walking distance to eachother. And both my grandparents are from the time that firmly believed it took a villiage to raise a child, and will gladly admit to leaving my mum and dad with neighbours, aunties, grannys, dad who was sleeping upstairs after the nightshift, whoever was avail on the day!

I don't think they'd ever let me down because they know how important it is, and they relied on their families to raise their children too.

I suppose what i'm saying is only you know your family, make your descisions based on that.

I would be wary too - they may find it more tiring than they think, or have to turn down other things to fit in with you.

Hamiltoes

You live in a rare world where everyone lives within walking distance and (I assume) there are many non-working women to provide this childcare . I am 250 miles from my mother and always have been and she worked full time . My own kids now live 30 miles away and I work full time.

Mothersplace, rare on MN yes, which was the point I made at first, but really pretty common amongst working class families and certainly whats viewed as the norm in my area.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, you've given me a lot to consider.

To those asking about the relationships I have - both are good although I do now have some concerns regarding MIL.

DD is 4mo and DM comes over at least once a week to give me a break/do jobs and spend time with us both, she is great with DD. MIL however has probably seen DD around 10 times since she's been born and has never had her on her own. I find DD tiring as she constantly wants you with her and I think MIL is in for a shock.

I have suggested both of them having her for a day each week before I go back to work to give them a chance to back out.

Childcare costs are not a problem as we had originally planned for DD to go FT but after both grans asked, we changed our minds.

I'm going to write a list from your replies of things I feel are important, talk to each of them and iron out any issues before they start looking after her.

Also, people saying I shouldn't ask on here about childcare - it's been good to hear both positive and negative experiences and I'm hoping ours will be the former!!

Thanks again.

yabu, if you weren't worried before that was for a reason! DM/ DF look after mine once a week, it's awesome. In some ways its more reliable than nursery because although dm has an aversion to vomit (fair enough), She will still have them with temps/ cp etc. When they are on holiday either me or dh takes the day off.