to absolutely get why people who get no respite from pain commit suicide?

[ShouldIworryornothelp]

DH is being a twat and saying I'm moping, too bloody right I'm moping.

I have been in pain for over half my life. Latterly I've been in horrific pain due to unknown problems with my nerves meaning I get nerve pain in most of my body for around 20 hours in any given day, this has been going on for months and I'm totally at the end of my tether with it, I'm getting no respite and fed up with having to pretend I'm OK.

Don't worry I'm not suicidal. Just utterly fed up and pissed off more research isn't funded in the area of pain management

Aibu to totally understand why people commit suicide in these circumstances?

YANBU at. all.

do you have access to therapy? it sounds really lame now I'm typing it, but some CBT therapists can help people with long term pain. Not to alleviate the pain, but with the coping mechanisms.

I hope you can find some respite.

YANBU.

Have you heard of/been tested for CMT? My friend has it which has raised my awareness. It's a degenerative nerve disease. Treatment is being as active as possible (when she found out she started training and now does triathlons).

I know of a woman who had the facial neuroalgia thingy (sorry about spelling) and she ended her life. Can't imagine the frustration of being constantly in pain with little relief, can't bring myself to judge her not having experienced it. Such a shame.

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. You are entitled to mope. I've been in chronic pain for 12 weeks. It erodes your resilience, is exhausting and makes me feel hopeless. I'm working my way through painkillers at the moment and sometimes the side effects are worse than the pain, if they help ar all. Much sympathy.

YA Definitely NBU!

I suffer chronic pain in my knee following an accident several years ago which left me disabled and I'm currently in a&e following a car crash at 5pm tonight my pain still isn't under control and I've asked the doctor to amputate my leg tonight (obviously he won't) but that's how desperate I feel.

I think that chronic pain is impossible to understand if you haven't experienced it it isn't just a case of mind over matter, just getting on with it or any of that shit people come out with it is (most of the time not always) a living hell.

I can fully understand people commuting suicide when they suffer to extremes levels I've thought it myself in fleeting very dark moments but never got to the point where it was a serious consideration .

More research into effective pain management would be brilliant I was lucky I got to go to a good pain clinic however it hasn't been hugely helpful but at least it was something and they understood to an extent what you were going through.

Op have you explained spoon theory to your dh? Might just show him how debilitating chronic pain can be.

Op hope your pain starts to ease soon

Ynbu. I've never understood why if an animal is in pain it'll be put out of it's misery. Yet a human is left to suffer.

YANBU. At all.

OP, you know all the rest. You don't need to be suicidal to understand that sometimes you'd welcome death as a release.

Yup. I agree.

When disability and chronic pain come out to play, you end up battling people's own inability to understand the depths of other people's suffering, on top of your own illness.

I've found my existence and life directly challenges peoples understanding of the world, revealing it's fragility and unfairness. It's hideous being that uncomfortable reminder and I find people's reactions to my suffering are arguably worse than the suffering itself.

I'm not suicidal in the traditional sense of the word (so no reporting please, that would just be crass and insulting!) but I certainly would not be here had I not DS to bring up. I envy my sister and father for having died and got away from this awful pain filled unrelenting grinding awfulness.

I explain it as 'they had the worse type of the condition I have' but in reality, they had the better type, they're not living in hell now (I hope xxx).

Sorry to anyone reading this who takes offense of the following rant, but that's the thing you see, when you are struck down with an unfair and cruel illness, your whole life becomes about making others feel better about the amount you are suffering.

I think we're allowed one thread to moan yes? So OP you go ahead and bloody moan, say all the really bad stuff and take a break from being the strong one holding everyone else together or protecting others from the reality of your situation.

And as for me, to get on with moaning... no, it isn't nice that I have to endure hell every second of everyday for the good of my son. It's a choice of living in daily torture or ruining my childs life - I'd like to see most people live this awful choice every second of every day.

So when I have on occasion told people (usually an HCP in the vain hopes of a professional being a bit more clues up) the reality of how I feel, that I'd find it a great release to allow myself to kill myself, but I cannot, as I will not leave my child alone and devastated. What really winds me up is those people densely rephrase this sentiment into some 'saved by love' type of crap!

So instead of actually hearing 'my life is sheer unrelenting hell and it's awful I can't even end the pain in the only way left to me' they hear some positive moralistic story of hope and happiness triumphing over adversity. Love conquers all bullshit. So 'ah that's nice' like I've said something positive.

Err, 'nice to have something to live for' or 'he must give you strength' don't come into it!

And err no, it doesn't get better and err no, Ds doesnt bizarrely work as a body replacement or a pain reliever,

He doesn't 'make life worth living', his existence means I am tied to this endless torture of hellish life.

Obviously I love him more than any thing (more than life itself, in a twisting of that old phrase!). And I can't think about it or I'd explode or give in to being selfish, or even worse fuck Ds up.

Of course he will never know how much I hate being alive, because I believe in doing things properly... And self pity will get me no where. That's the deal, I'm doing it not to destroy him, or fuck him up, I'm doing it for him, so I'd hardly then burden him with the knowledge of this explicitly or implicitly.

But oh I wish I could just be honest to other grown adults from time to time and not have my words change and softened to preserve their sensitivities and understanding of life :(

But back on with it, had a good snivel now and self pity can't last for very long.

So YANBU OP. It's shit and it's ok to show it and be properly heard and understood from time to time

assortment that was very insightful. to you and op

YANBU at all. I'm very sorry you are suffering like you are.

For some years I had nerve pain (facial, mainly in the jaw) which was very badly managed. It is often a fight to get people to take it seriously, and if there's no clear and obvious 'cause', I think this is particularly the case. I was very close to suicide on a few occasions. At the moment, thanks to different drugs, it is often under control for days at a time. I am lucky.

I understand where you are coming from. Pain is a terrible thing. I'm currently watching a friend suffering terribly from frequent, severe and very disabling migraines. The (large) range of drugs she's tried have not helped, or not helped enough. She's also been suicidal. It's awful.

I truly hope your pain eases. I hope if you're able to try the cannabis oil, it might help. I know someone who takes it to control seizures, which are completely treatment resistant. She's taken huge doses of various benzodiazapenes for years, and is now, for the first time in her life, is seeing some improvement. Different thing I know, but for her it's been quite remarkable. She's had a lot of difficulty with getting her neurologists support though.

Good luck.

to all of you who are suffering.

No, you aren't being unreasonable at all. Totally understand.

I've been in pain constantly for 13 years, and as I'm in my 20s that's a large chunk of my life.

Every day it think about ending it. Again, I'm not suicidal, I just can't believe this is it. This is my life forever. Stuck in bed a lot of the time, unable to walk more than a few steps, unable to work, unable to have children. Relying on being able to live and be cared for on a government constantly cutting disabled benefits/assisance. No partner.

The grief can't be explained, especially when I see my friends I grew up with - all who are doing so well in life. Then they ask my news, and I can't say anything because who wants to hear about my latest hospital appointment?

And pain clinics in my area are a joke. They actually told me they can't help me because my condition was incurable. I know that, I wasn't asking for a cure - I was asking them to manage my pain.

I'm on large doses of morphine based medication which sometimes take the edge off. Generally they don't touch it though. It's all over my body, all consuming. But the really good stuff my body gets used to within days and I need more and more. I had to make a decision to come off it recently which was heartbreaking.

I wrote an article recently about living with chronic pain and juggling medications. I wondered if some of you might be interested? www.chronicchronicles.co.uk/blog/2015/04/03/chronic_pain/

So yes, totally understand OP.

OP, someone I know who was at the end of his rope with back pain, has reclaimed some portion of his life with cannabis: I think it is worth a try.

Allis, while it is an excellent idea to remain active with CMT, it is very easy to overtrain and push yourself into chronic fatigue, people with CMT just don't have the recovery capacity for triathlon type training. Your friend would do much better concentrating on maintaining her muscle strength.

Yes i understand! I too have been in pain nearly half my life!
Some days my killers just do not work, however my gps wont prescribe me anything stronger because of my age
My condition will never go away.
Iv done all options from pain management.
I just have to suffer.
Some days i seriously wish i didn't wake up.

What a great article glitterbelle.
Really does show what its like living with chronic pain.
So hard when people dont believe you, and think "well you dont look in pain" well yes because iv bloody had it for 12 years.

Have you tried acupuncture?

It may not help with all types of pain but worth an ask.

So sorry to hear this.

Constant pain is just the pits

My pain is more of the grumbling background type; I only really notice it on the rare occasions when it disappears, the odd morning when I wake up pain free. For me, the fatigue and loss of mobility are worse problems.

The very worst though, is that my condition is making me bitter, angry and probably not very nice to be around. I feel like I am losing everything I love. I am terrified of losing my relationships too. But then maybe they would all, DH especially, be better off without me. (Not talking suicide by the way, just buggering off somewhere where there are no demands on me).

YANBU. Having had terrible pain to deal with for relatively short periods, I can't imagine how I would live with it permanently. And it's just too much to have to be 'brave' all the time, often for the sake of others as Miscellaneous said.

I completely understand too. I have CRPS, another one if of the pain conditions known as 'the suicide disease'. I take so many tablets that on a good day ease the pain a little, and on others don't touch it. I have days where the pain is so bad that I can't even speak, I can't sleep and I can't get my thoughts together enough to let someone know how bad it is. My children now recognise the signs. They keep me going. But the thought of this pain for the rest of my life scares me. How can one simple straight forward operation change my life so completely.
to everyone suffering from chronic pain

Being brave is utterly exhausting and isolating. Not sure what the alternative is though.

I've had nerve pain a couple of times; it was unimaginably awful and I think my threshold is pretty high. There are no words for what some of you must be going through.

I'm another in chronic pain, back and pelvic, used to be into the legs until surgery last year. It's been three years and people don't understand, friends don't bother and lose patience. It's hard when it's invisible in unique ways, no walking stick or wheelchair to warn people you are fragile or need to sit in priority seating etc. feel like I need to justify myself all the time. Husband has little empathy and calls me lazy, doesn't comprehend the half life I now live, the loss of future plans - although I count my blessings it's not worse. The kids are short changed having a mum in this state, they are my protective factor but I have wondered when enough will be enough. I'm depressed already but the suicide option is the rational choice compared to my depressive suicidal thoughts, it's entirely different.

I saw an article today about a woman with chronic back pain who killed herself. I thought this thread was inspired by that but it's just a coincidence, it's horribly common. I mentioned the article to my husband and could tell he doesnt get it, the lack of understanding is part of the difficult living like this, it's so lonely.

Thanks very much for reading it Kali.

And yes PinkiePie, it is really lonely.

Yanbu there is no respite from chronic pain its always there nerve pain is like having raging toothache but all over your body every bloody day its exhausting

Its the gnawing away that pisses me off i wake up thinking urgh another day of this but ypu still get up and plod on peoplethinking because you are not moaning constantly that your fine or they say whats up and because so maby different places and bits of you hurt you play it down well i do anyway im not being a brave soldier i just cant be arsed explaining anymore