for walking out of DMs house over this

[FinallyWakingUp]

I am a size 10/12 and have what I would say was a fairly proportionate figure. When I put on any weight however, it immediately shows on my gut. Its the way my body is, when I was a very slim teenager I still had this slightly rounded belly, it just is that way. When Ive been more active and paid more attention to diet and exercise it has improved, but remains a sticking problem re weight.
Anyway, this is and always has been the bane of my Dm's life. Looking me up and down when we're talking for example, eyes always focusing on my middle. Comparing me to my friends, even. "Isnt it a shame you havent got her slim figure" etc. She has made me crumble inside with just a few words over this at times. Telling her how it made me feel didnt seem to matter.
"Im your mother, it should be ok if I tell you"

Today she told me that if I didnt make an effort to look better when I go on holiday with my Dh and dd this year, "his eyes could wander, theres some beautiful slim girls lay on those beaches.." - well this is the worst Ive heard yet, I was completely stunned. "Why havent you done anything about it? You could pay to get that fat off. Im just telling you what I think, I think youre too sensitive sometimes.."

I told her if anyone else spoke to me like that Id tell them they were being completely rude so God knows why Ive put up with it from her so long. Then walked out. She told me I was pathetic.

I have had this lack of assertiveness all my life and recently the scales have fell from my eyes about the amount of people around me who have taken advantage/put me down.

AIBU to react how I did, I still dont actually know if I really am pathetic or not

She's very sad and I hope she realises it before it is too late. it's not Ok to talk to anyone like that and you need a break from it. I hope she will see sense and I'm glad you have

Yanbu and good for you walking out. Your dm was really out of line and shaming you is no way to help you anyway. I would not be around her till she apologizes and realizes how hurtful her words are. And you are not pathetic!

Good grief, you aren't pathetic! She is toxic. What a horrible, horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone your daughter, let alone your daughter who is a normal weight.

I'm assuming your DH is a normal, sane man, who loved you when you had a 9 months pregnant tummy, and loved you when you had a post partum belly and loves you now and couldn't give a shiny one what other girls lying on beaches look like. They didn't carry his child, or marry him or make him fall in love by being wonderful.

You need boundaries with your mother, because if she will be so rude to you about the way you look, she will be rude to your DD about the way she looks, and no one deserves that.

Thankyou for your kind responses, I didnt realise but this thread posted twice

I couldnt even be sure if I was being over sensitive or not! Im in my early thirties and feel a fool admitting that

As it happens my dd (3) has a little pot belly which is natural in some small children and well, its quite frankly gorgeous to me. I told her she had better not fill her head with words that might make her insecure when shes older, and she said "I dont care about what she looks like, she isnt my daughter, you are" it was such an odd exchange, even for her

She does care though because when picking out a dress for my dd a few weeks ago she loudly commented on how she'd need something that "didnt accentuate that belly" I told her off for that, I said Im not having you talk to her the same way you talk to me. She doesnt seem to care.

You're not sensitive or pathetic, she's running you down on purpose. It's just you think you're sensitive because she's probably told you that for most of your life to excuse the fact that she has been upsetting you.

It's a bit of a mind f, but basically when people are nasty to you and you get upset, if they enjoy the power or control they will tell you you are being over-sensitive. When you are a kid you believe it, but as you get older you start to reevaluate and think 'I'd never say that to my dd' and that's when the penny drops.

She won't like being told and will throw her toys out of the pram, but at least then she'll think it might not be worth the trouble next time she says it if you give her a right telling off once and for all.

You and your dd do not need negative body image crap EVER. Your mum probably has her own body issues and issues with aging. ( Ishoos! ). Focus on your dd and you. You'll probably have to find a new way of thinking about your Mum. It'll work better eventually, I'm sure. Aging is scary and she shouldn't push you away.

Youre right Popalot, having a dd has helped open my eyes quite a bit.

She has ishoos aplenty sparky, its a shame she couldnt deal with them herself, rather then make me share the load.

have copied and pasted onto your other thread.....