Mixed messages

[SquiddlyDiddlyDoo]

Very trivial but I am keen not to upset anyone whilst also keeping my dignity in tact...

SIL is getting married next week. I am not involved (ie not a BM or doing anything specific) but DH is an usher.

We are staying in the hotel where SIL is getting married the night before. SIL previously specifically told me that she wanted me to go round to PIL's house in the morning and get ready with her and the BMs, so I arranged with DH that I'd drop him off with the other ushers and then go to PIL's house as requested.

However, when we saw them this weekend, SIL didn't mention it at all until I asked what time I should arrive at PILs' house, to which she looked a bit awkward and said "oh, well you're welcome to come to PIL's house if you want" and just left it at that.

I am a bit confused about this. She specifically asked me to come weeks ago but now I get the impression that she isn't so keen.

DH has offered to ask her again, but I don't want to make this any more awkward than it already is. Also, I thought it was an odd request in the first place as I am going to look a bit weird round there with MIL and SIL's new MIL and the BMs all getting ready and getting in cars etc, so I wouldn't blame her if she has changed her mind.

AIBU just take this as a signal to not go round there on the morning of te wedding and leave it unless she specifically asks me again?

I'd just leave it...sounds like she's changed her mind for some reason.

Get in touch and fib say you're not sure you've understood properly, you think you may have got the wrong end of the stick so could she let you know what would she like you to do on the morning of the wedding, ask her how you can be most helpful.

That avoids any 'but you said' conversations and gives her some wiggle room.

I think she has changed her mind but you could always double check via a polite text......

My cousin did this to me and in the end I just booked a hair appointment on the morning of the wedding & said that unless she wanted me specifically I would be at the hairdressers. It took the pressure off the both of us, I cant stand it when people do that when they could be clearer about whether they want company or not from the start. Could you do something like this?

I'd leave it , not mention it again and stay at the hotel unless she says anything to confirm that she wants you there.

Dear lord, why did you not just open your mouth and speak?

"oh, well you're welcome to come to PIL's house if you want"

"Have you forgotten that this is what you asked me to do?"

Why complicate it?

WorraLiberty I didn't get the chance at the time because all of their grandparents were there and immediately engaged her in conversation about the wedding. I then forgot about it. Have only thought about it now because DH asked what I wanted to do about the car.

But now that it's been left it's caused some awkwardness...

There's no awkwardness, she doesn't sound keen that you're there so take the stress off yourself and relax at the hotel.

I'd just leave it.

Leave it and have a relaxing morning in the hotel. That sounds far more preferable toe anyway.

Why not give her a quick ring and ask her to clarify?

Tell her you're not fussed either way, but just a bit confused.