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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have forgotten I owe someone 63p?

53 replies

listsandbudgets · 08/04/2015 09:14

In short went out for a coffee with a colleague and she suddenly said "I've been going through my accounts and you forgot to pay me back the 63p I paid for your chocolate bar just before Christmas".

I have some vague recollection of her grabbing us both some chocolate at a petrol station and when I offered her the money her waving it away and saying "don't worry about it just now we'll sort it out sometime" (or words to that affect).

AIBU to have forgotten about it and be a bit embarrassed to have been asked for it months down the line?

I did pay it back when she asked by the way - life is too short to war over 63p - in fact I gave her 70p as I was short on change wondering if I should account for the 7p and ask for it back in September!

OP posts:

Quenelle · 08/04/2015 10:32

YANBU because it is a small amount and she seemed very casual about it at the time but she isn't BU either.

Everybody's point for waiving a debt is different, who's to decide what is reasonable? Far better to be zero tolerance and everyone knows where they stand than to be vague or overly generous and risk simmering resentment and awkwardness.

I'm so awkward about discussing money, to the extent that I offered somebody twice as much for their secondhand bike last week as it was actually worth, because I was terrified of causing offence. I deserve, and am desperate for, a payrise but I daren't ask.

I would love to be able to ask for and offer money without feeling embarrassed and am always glad when other people do.

FeelingSmurfy · 08/04/2015 10:35

Can't believe people are saying ask for the 7p back, surely that just about covers the interest on your debt after all this time

monkeysaymoo · 08/04/2015 10:42

I remember being in the pub for lunch once and my friend (who is notoriously tight) suddenly leant over took all my onion rings off my plate and said "in exchange for the 50p change you owe me"

I was so pissed off, I love onion rings!

BerylStreep · 08/04/2015 10:48

Monkeysaymoo!

AmyElliotDunne · 08/04/2015 10:53

Monkey, I'd have stabbed them with my fork!

I can't understand how anyone can be so tight, but I have a friend who does it too. In her defence I don't think she's tight per se, but she is careful with money despite being loaded

She'll pick up something for me while out shopping (she offers) and then ask for the exact money when she drops it round (giving me exact change, she won't accept a round number). I think it's because she and her DH account for all their money down to the last penny and she likes to keep it straight so that he doesn't question her spending.

Sounds like this is the case with your colleague OP. The fact that she noticed it after such a long time means she has receipts and a spreadsheet

HeyheyheyGoodbye · 08/04/2015 10:55

Her accounts

feebeecat · 08/04/2015 10:56

YANBU and dear god but it's painful when people are like this!
I also have a friend who would have not only wanted it back, but would have reminded me constantly until I paid her. Oddly, she's quite happy to 'forget' if she owes me, or her other favourite, to pay me back in 2 pence pieces. I used to refuse the sack of coppers until I realised she was always doing it (from her special 2p jar apparently), now, if stupid enough to pay for something I remember to bring car next time I see her to transport the sack of change home
Oh and there was the time we went for a meal and I couldn't find my purse - frantically emptying bag, worried about having lost it while she just kept saying 'oh yeah, likely story'. It had fallen out of my bag & was under car seat, so I was in her debt for all of 10 minutes. Any time we go out now (strangely rare) she still brings it up - it was over 25 years ago - let it go!!
Opps, bit of a rant there

DancingDays · 08/04/2015 10:58

Monkey Onion rings are worth more than 50p, I hope you scraped some peas off their plate as change.

Quenelle · 08/04/2015 11:01

How much do you think is reasonable to ask for back? £1? £5? £10?

monkeysaymoo · 08/04/2015 11:04

I didn't want peas though I wanted my sodding onion rings! Must admit it was the start of a slow decline in our friendship! I respect people's right to be careful with money but you can take things too far.

I remember (same friend) was moving house and asked another friend of ours if she could help. As I was doing nothing that day I said I was happy to help too. On the drive to her new place we stopped at a garage to pick up some snacks and she said to my other friend "I'll pay for yours as I asked you to help me today, sorry monkey you chose to come along for the ride so I'll let you get your own"

Anniegetyourgun · 08/04/2015 11:04

If you order onion rings as a side dish they always cost more than 50p. And you don't get to just decide what you want to take as repayment. Imagine if a company you owed money to decided that instead of sending an invoice they'd come round to your house and cart off your sofa? OK, that's how bailiffs work, but they have to have taken reasonable steps to get the money back first. (Had your friend asked you for her 50p a few times without success?)

monkeysaymoo · 08/04/2015 11:08

No Annie it was an order at the bar type pub so She gave me a tenner for her lunch and I went and ordered. Her food had come to £9.50 mine was just over a tenner and I paid for it all on my card so I didn't get 'change' back when I paid. I think when I sat down I must have said "Oh sorry I paid on card so don't have your 50p change at which point onion rings were taken after that it's all a blur

monkeysaymoo · 08/04/2015 11:09

If I had had 50p in my purse I would have given it to her when I returned

Andrewofgg · 08/04/2015 11:21

Change for a grapefruit? - No but I will settle for a banana and a tangerine

OP You've got a weirdo for a colleague. She keeps accounts over this sort of thing?

SnotQueen · 08/04/2015 11:29

This is why I'm poor. I just let any old person have 63p.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/04/2015 11:32

As a matter of interest what sort of amount would you ask for back?
For me, it would be entirely dependent on my income at the time, who it was, whether a close friend or not, whether I said 'no worries - on me' , and whether it was something that always was one way... I am always the lender in the r/s.

I cant imagine being very bothered for much less than 5£,perhaps more when I'm im a decent job.

DurhamDurham · 08/04/2015 11:34

Going through accounts and realised that she was missing 63p...........see this is why I'm always overdrawn at the end of each month. I cannot imagine ever asking for such a small amount of money back, even when my husband was made redundant I would not/ could not have asked for some money back if I had bought someone some chocolate.

Hasn't she seen what became of Marley and what would have been in store for Scrooge if he hadn't mended his ways

spudholes · 08/04/2015 11:35

Monkey I'd have kicked her right in the fanny!

monkeysaymoo · 08/04/2015 11:36

I'm far too laid back about this sort of thing and believe that actually most things even themselves out. You drove, I'll but the coffees. Come for dinner, Ok I'll bring dessert and wine. I think as long as gestures/loose change flows both ways then it's all good.

Blarblarblar · 08/04/2015 11:36

I appreciate you did owe her the money but really if She is not TOTALLY skint that is tight.
Slightly different but I once had to borrow money for a bus home from a colleague (I'd forgotten my card). She loaned it to me and said I'll charge you 50% interest, haha I said I'll give you your money in the morning. Returned money borrowed and she asked for the interest?!?! I of course laughed she the repeated she was serious that was the arrangement. Gobsmacked I told her she was outrageous and gave her the money plus interest, later on she tried to play it down as a joke but it wasn't and I never spoke to her in the office again. We worked in a bank I think she thought she was going to be the next CEO

expatinscotland · 08/04/2015 11:38

'Must admit it was the start of a slow decline in our friendship!'

And you let her eat them instead of putting them back on your plate and laughing, 'Fuck off!' at her.

Tight people suck all the joy out of life.

Never mollycoddle them. Tell them to fuck off and then fuck them out of your life .

MissMogwi · 08/04/2015 11:40

Taking my onion rings would have been a step to far for me. She'd have had a fork in the eye.

Seriously, who asks for 63p?! I would have thought she was taking the piss tbh.

Blarblarblar · 08/04/2015 11:42

"Tight people suck all the joy out of life."
Very true

owlborn · 08/04/2015 11:45

Do people really ask for 63p back? It would never occur to me to ask. In general I don’t expect anything back if it's under £10 and find the notion of debt less than £1 to be frankly bizarre.

That sounds like someone with other issues who is displacing stress like no one's business.

youarekiddingme · 08/04/2015 11:47

If someone offers me small amount of money towards chocolate etc I'd either say thanks and take it, or sort it later, or its fine.
My closest friends 'that's fine' is ok imo because we'd do it for each other frequently over the years. I'd use sort it later for a collegue - as they'd probably feel more comfortable - but if I don't take cash there and then I don't intend to iyswim?

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