to think people shouldn't borrow money and then forget they owe you?

[Luggage16]

Twice recently friends have borrowed money for the train from me. Once the person actively asked me to put her tickets on my card and she would pay me back (4 weeks ago and £10) and the other time a different friend forgot her wallet (2 weeks ago and £20). I am pretty non confrontational and I really don't know how to ask for the money back without it sounding rude and petty but at the same time I don't want to be sat £30 down (We are a 1 income family). If I borrow money from someone I try to pay them back straight away (and tbh I avoid borrowing as I feel guilty). Is it usual for people to borrow and then never mention it again?? Any suggestions of polite ways to ask (I have already asked one friend once). I really don't want to come across as stingy but it puts me off lending to people :( It feels rude to just bring up in conversation though...'oi you own me money', how do other people approach this?

I struggle to ask for money back too. I am luckily in a position whereby I can lend money with the possibility of never getting it back and I factor this into my decision when lending. If I can't afford to lose it, I don't lend it.

Which doesn't mean it isn't irritating if no effort is made to repay debts

Dh Has several family members who will borrow money but conveniently forget to pay it back. But in their case though they are hoping you yourself will forget about it, so they wont have to pay what's owed. Dh never does forget but is constantly chasing owed money. Actually its not just money with those concerned, it's anything you lend ie household items, books. dvds etc, they will never return voluntarily or even mention that they still have it.

but I find if someone has genuinely forgotten they wont mind a quick reminder and would be most apologetic that they hadn't paid you back already.

On another forum I'm on they would say that if you lend someone £10 and don't get it back, that's a small price to pay for learning who you can't trust.

Am I the only one who wondered if this thread was about 63p?

I didn't, but only because I saw this thread first Seff. I did wonder if the other thread was about £10 or £20 though!

Surely your friend had her bank card on her so why did she need to borrow money anyway. Don't be embarrassed to ask.. They weren't embarrassed to borrow.

If your efforts arent successful what about the next time you meet for coffee... Just say when the bill arrives..' you get these in lieu of the money you owe me'... ie as a statement not a question.

If they start harrumphing, how about... Im getting short because folk forget to pay back money they borrow.

Just don't accept anything other than their payment!

Then if its not met with a: 'i' m so sorry I completely forgot! 'perhaps this is telling you something that is worthwhile about these pals!

If someone is always forgetting to pay you back, when they ask again, you simply say "you haven't given back the last money you borrowed."

Just say something to them, something like
I hate to bring this up, but have you got that money that you owe me?
If they haven't, give them your bank details and ask them to make a bacs transfer.
Be direct, it comes across better than passive-aggression. I'm sure that your friends will be mortified that they have forgotten. Not many of us can afford go around giving out tenners!
I used to be non confrontational but now I have realised that people generally respect you more if you are direct but friendly. I won't be walked over any more.

I don't "lend" small amounts any more, but I have a little speech: "This is a gift. You can give it to some else who's short. If you don't you're vermin, but you'll know that anyway".

I am not short of money but I am always shocked on these threads when someone says that they wouldn't bother about a tenner, I think a tenner is a lot of money! Even if I only owed someone a couple of quid I would want to pay it back. It isn't fair to owe money.

I don't lend money anymore. One friend owed £2000 and acted like he was doing me a favour paying it back in dribs and drabs months after the deadline. Another borrowed £500, for a couple of weeks allegedly, and is now paying me back £50 a month!

I'm generous and will happily pay for a good friend to do something with me but I don't lend cash anymore!

I have a friend liks this. She never had change and would ask me for money for school things or ice-creams for her kids. Her and her DH only wear designer gear and drive flash cars. One day I had just had enough as she would forget to pay me back. By this stage she owed me about £30. We are a low income family. I text her and said that I needed it back urgently but didn't specify why. She brought it to school the next day. It ruined our friendship as she was genuinely shocked that I had the cheek to ask for it back.

It's very annoying when people don't remember to give money back, you are right.

As far as i can tell though from this situation, the thing stopping you getting it back is you not wanting to ask (rather than them actively trying to avoid giving it to you).

So given that they have form for doing this, the thing to stop this situation that you don't like is: either stop loaning them the money or start always asking for it back.

Both scenarios are completely in your control so you have more power than you think. Use it!