To feel so let down by my armed forces career?

[Magpiesinmygarden]

I'm leaving the Army after quite a substantial amount of time. On the surface you'd think I was very successful, I've been promoted, travelled the world etc and my family are really proud of my success. Inwardly I feel nothing but a sense of bitterness and disappointment in how things turned out. I started off an idealistic probably naive person really proud of what I was doing but as the years went on I've been bullied, harassed, (and seen others bullied and harassed) belittled, trodden down, patronised and very much under valued. I've been two two theatres of operation (Iraq and Afghanistan) and I don't feel like we achieved anything long lasting, I feel angry that so many young people lost their lives and limbs for what I saw as very little gain. I've seen so many men in positions of authority openly cheating on their wives (who have no idea) stealing money and goods from the system and generally being so highly corrupt its staggering. The system is so floored and biased its a joke. I've tried to stand up for what I believed was right, for other who were less able and I've found myself being bullied and harassed over a number of years. The complaints system is a joke, nothing is ever done.

I'm walking away now, but I feel so bitter and disillusioned. All I can think now is why didn't I leave sooner? I'm sad that I feel this way. I want to say I'm really proud of my service but I can't. How can I get past this horrible feeling that I've wasted good years and move on to the next chapter with a more positive outlook?

^engineer sorry about that!

I'm in the prison service and it is much the same. Its not the prisoners that make my life a misery (some of them are very funny!) - its the management...

I was fast jet mostly willow.

It's just so bloody hard to do it all, especially when both partners are in and you have young kids - it's too much to juggle.

Now that our OOAs have gone up to 6 months (for no good reason) it's even worse - constantly flip-flopping detachments/duties/OOAs meant that over the first 10 years of us having kids we never did a full 12 month period as a 2 parent family. Too much.

No regrets on my time in, but not sorry to leave, either.

It's a young person's career I think - especially for women.

I think you've just matured OP and can see the Armed Forces for what it is; just like people who work in similar large organisations do after a lengthy career.
Probably most people who join the services/police/nursing/teaching end up feeling disillusioned after a long time and after seeing massive changes.

Know that you did your best whilst serving and look forward to civvy street.

Be proud of what you did. I was almost in the exact same position as meow and left full time teaching due to bullying. Now much healthier and being offered jobs which I can take or leave. I think the key word is idealistic- if you go in thinking you want to do good then it is harder.

banana I was RN when they closed Wittering to us and got rid of the jets. A lot of people were displaced or had their marriages split up from it. Horrendous really, and such a betrayal. I felt so sorry for them.

I think you grow up pretty quick as a female in the forces.

You don't see many women at the top, and there IS a reason for that.

It does feel very, very sad though and I still haven't taken my no 1's out of their plastic transport wrapping. My cap is still boxed. DH wants to have them (we were both in) framed with the ensign (the jackets with medals etc) as he feels we should be proud of what we did. I mean, there were some shitty times when we were serving, but we got through. And your friends are friends for life. Not a month goes by when we're not in touch or seeing one of them. They are different to civvy mates.

I was staying with a dear friend a few weeks ago and we were discussing this (she is in still). She said 'I'd do anything for you. If you said "I've murdered someone", I'd be like "ok. Let's go with this..."'
My car broke down once and within 20 minutes I had 4 people round me fixing my car, charging my phone, and taking my child to safety. I've never felt so safe as I did then.
We were at action stations one time. We had all our gear on, and my best friend turned to me and said 'if you get shot I'm having your f*ing boots. Mine are shite". She had a point, they were Magnums...

The establishment can be bullshit. But my mates? I'll be forever grateful for them. So on balance, it's been worth it.

I'm hugely proud willow, so I agree with your husband!

It's all those little things that you mentioned that make the memories - I'll definitely miss the laughs. I'm still in quarters as my husband's still in, so I find it a bit weird sometimes to be a 'wife' rather than a grubby wee techie!

YANBU OP. I am in the RAF and worked within an Army unit for 2 years and it was almost the unmaking of me! I am still recovering! The obstinacy, kowtowing to rank and jobs worth attitude was unbelievable. I am due to leave in the next couple of years and, apart from a couple of shithead bosses, I have had a great time all being said.

There have been lows and I have only realised recently that in my early days I was harassed a fair amount but living out solved all that. My tour with the Army exposed me to being bullied and I stood up to it every time and won; every time. They did not like me but I did not care what they thought.

WonderingWillow has nailed it for me I think with her descriptions. Love the I'm having your boots . You do become a bit fatalistic on ops! Also, the bit about Wittering- I was on JFH and I agree, it was badly handled . As was getting rid of the Nimrod fleet overnight.

Some of my best tours have been in unlikely places- seemingly boring desk jobs made marvellous by my colleagues etc.

The 6 month ops for RAF was done with good reason Bananarama but that does not make it easier. I hate 6 month tours. They drag on and on (probably because we do 12 hour+ days every day) and its horrid for families (I have been both away and the spouse back at home).

Also, something I've noticed outside... Civvies like to cuddle don't they? They cuddle their friends, and kiss them sometimes. Opposite sex too!

My best friend and I have never hugged or kissed (like peck on cheek, sometimes used as a greeting). I was chatting about this to DH and he thinks it's because on ops you have precious little personal space, so you demand it respected. It sticks with you, I think. I have to work myself up for haircut/mani/pedi. Someone touching me feels like a huge invasion of privacy. Leaning against one another when drunk is as close as it gets!

The tours are hard. We did defence watches (8 hrs on, 8hrs off, 8 hrs on, 8 hrs off, repeat), for months. Something inside you leaves and never comes back, and that's when those friendships are made. I think we all have been through some dark times. And you'll expect that to be repaid, don't you?

And I'd forgotten about the Nimrods. That was badly done. I know on JFH they were being told not to worry, then they saw Sky News in the crew room reporting they'd been axed.

Magpie, it was when the HT said that she partly agreed that a recently diagnosed medical condition was contributing to a drop in my performance but she didn't feel that it was completely responsible.

I was so downtrodden at the time, my response was probably a whimper or a sob. Now it would be something along the lines of "Ok, DOCTOR HT (She's not a doctor, she's a linguist), what DO you think is responsible?!?!"

I've behaved so differently in that meeting in my head since that day, so many times it's not true. Having weak union rep didn't help either, but I know only too well about lack of union representation in the military. First thing my DH did when his new contract was confirmed. He really likes his job now.