To 'sneakily' clean for my nana?

[Brittapieandchips]

I live with my DC, my parents and my nana, as well as an assortment of pets.

We're dog sitting atm so my cats are 'living with' my nana in her living area. Possibly because of the dog the cats seem to be weeing in the living room. (They have a clean safe litter tray but they are possibly stressed). Nana can't smell this and they are my cats so she reluctantly agreed to me using some special cat smell products (actually just the anti bacterial carpet deodoriser and a fancier Hoover) to clean, so while she was at church I went in and pulled all the sofas out etc, cleaned the bathroom with bleach and so on.
It is clear she hasn't been cleaning properly for a good while - including things like food prep surfaces etc. It looks ok at a casual glance but it's things like when I wiped a bit of the sink the bits that just looked like wear and tear wiped off easily.
She's really proud but is physically and mentally getting frail, and keeps getting stomach upsets and so on. She also gives the DC and visitors snacks from her kitchen and contributes eg sandwiches to occasion meals for the house. It's also a vermin risk, especially as we have a lot of pets.

We think she just can't see/smell/manage physically to clean properly, but won't accept help because at 86 she doesn't feel old enough to impose

Would I be unreasonable to make a regular thing of going in when she is out or in bed to give it all a good clean? She knows (and encourages) that I sometimes sit in her living room after she goes to bed to watch her tv or whatever.
It feels intrusive, but also its gone past getting behind with housework (and I have really very low standards myself) and I don't feel she is able to keep it at a safe standard.
We already keep an eye on her medication and whether she is eating and drinking, but she doesn't mind us 'making too much for tea so bringing her some' or 'making ourselves a brew anyway' and we all make sure she gets plenty of company and trips out.

Go for it - if you can help her unobtrusively, so her pride and dignity aren't damaged, then I would.

I think it seems wrong to do it sneakily, it is her private living space. But it's the only way it will get done.

Good idea. While you are watching telly you might want to make yourself a sandwich and a cuppa so, naturally, you wipe down the kitchen surfaces and wash up after yourself. If the floor needs doing you might have to spill some milk or something. And cat hair gets everywhere so you need to hoover.
If you do a little bit often enough it'll probably keep it on the right side of clean and not offend her.

Yanbu, and are being caring and lovely. Sometimes the best help is done 'sneakily' so it doesn't wound pride.

I understand the difficulty, because my nan is exactly the same.
She's 89 & lives in her own flat. It's dirty & she could really do with a cleaner once a week because she's not managing the housework.
Every time my mum tries to clean she gets shouted at.
My nan is too proud to want help.

So I'm sorry, I've got no answer to the problem!

We do the same when we cook lunch for our grandparents - I take a bag of products and clean the kitchen sneakily. They too are proud and want to be independent. You sound lovely OP

I agree with Charles you could find a flimsy excuse to do it and do it while she is out so she doesn't know how much you did. You could keep up with the cat excuse and keep hoovering. Also she might let you do some bigger jobs like cleaning the oven, you could say mum and dad like me to clean the oven with this special stuff I found online, do you want me to yours too?

I sneakily clean for my aged parent all the time. They comment on how long I take having a shower now, when I'm actually deep-cleaning the bathroom. When I wash up after dinner I'm really slow because the whole kitchen gets a clean, and when I get the opportunity I clear out the fridge (Months old food!) and freezer and wipe them down. They would hate the fact they don't notice the dirt and I want to spare their feelings, but I worry about them.

Not unreasonable at all. It's sadly a very common solution to a very common problem.

It's worse with my dad - we have to do stealth DIY for him. Dh refixes blinds and curtain rails, or unblocks drains, whilst I distract with tea and biscuits.

I've done this in the past for my Gran. When making a cup of tea, washing dishes and wiping down surfaces, checking use by dates on food etc. Similarly having to use the loo and giving it a good clean instead. So I would say not unreasonable at all.

We had the same with tummy upsets etc. thankfully now she's accepted that she needs help. It did take some time though, a few tactful but honest chats and eventually she has accepted getting a cleaner once s week.