To be uncomfortable that DS is friends with DH's exW on FB?

[Goodpresentideaplease]

So tonight DS has changed his profile picture to a lovely one of me and 2 DSs. I notice that DH's ex has liked it and that they are now fb friends.

For context, Dh and ex were together about 5 yrs and split over 20yrs ago, they had DSDs together both now in their 20s. DH and I have been together 20yrs. So she is mum to DS's big sisters. She is fine and nothing horrible about her, get on fine but not chummy. Lives a long way away and we rarely see.
DH and I are not fb friends with her but some family members are such as Dsil (no problem with that).

I just feel a bit uneasy that she will see everything DS posts on FB, which is mainly standard teen sharing of rubbish videos but sometimes more personal stuff.

I suspect DS requested her in a typical teen have as many friends as possible way. DS was already friends with DSD's and their brother who he gets on with.

AIBU to be a bit uneasy about it and therefore WIBU to tell him to either unfriend her or put her as acquaintance so she does not see all his posts?

Ps am off to bed shortly but will obviously check in in the morning to see how unreasonable I am!

I would say YABU.

I have my DDs older half brother (and his mum) on my FB.

When my DDs are older I wouldn't have an issue with them having his mum on there.

Neither she or me are still with her DS or my DDs dad tho, so there's no weirdness there tbf.

Thanks saucy. I wonder if I feel differently as I am with DH and feel almost as if it is prying into our family life together. Weird feeling like that when she is a nice enough woman who has never interfered so I know it doesn't make sense really.

Possibly time to review what DS posts on FB. Not necessarily about this but just to point out that once things are out, they are out. I actually think he'd be better to watch it WRT school friends and so on. I doubt the exW is going to bully him!

Gosh that is so sad. I have two exes as friends on facebook and I also put a like under the photos of them with their families or with your wives. I thought I was being nice and showing good feelings and would hate to think of their wives feeling I was "prying".

actually I think yanbu. I did have dp's exw on my Facebook but then she started getting bitchy and nasty about things like when I had hg when pregnant with dd and had posted about not having been able to love off the sofa for days she got really arsed with dp about the kids not doing anything "fun" and threatened to stop him seeing them. she is now blocked from seeing anything about me.

does ds know her well? how old is he?

I think yabu. There is no reason to think she is going to cause trouble like in whereisthelight situation. He may well of requested her and she felt if she rejected it would seem rude.

YABU

I think yabu. There is no reason to think she is going to cause trouble like in whereisthelight situation. He may well of requested her and she felt if she rejected it would seem rude.

If you get on fine, then there probably is no issue with him being FB friends with her, although the idea of putting her as an acquaintance is a good one.

I'd get the right arse if DD was FB friends with DH's Ex. I don't even like that we've got mutual friends, even though she knew them before I did (so of course it's me being UR there). The difference being that I can't stand the woman and she has tried to make my life harder.

will obviously check in in the morning to see how unreasonable I am!

Sounds like you already know that you are!

Sorry, I think YABU.

She is his sisters' mother if I've read it correctly. I know it isn't always all happy families IRL but she actually has a strong family connection to him like you do to your SDs. The more people he has around him who care for him, the better IMO.

He's a teenager, you're overthinking it.

The way FB works these days, unless they interact regularly - which sounds unlikely - they will probably barely see each others' posts.

She is probably not that interested in his posts, to be fair

I think I got a bit confused. Are the sons(?) not in their twenties?

I think YABU since he is already friends with DSDs and you have no problem with this and it is reasonable to assume that they will show their Mum things they think may interest her.

Both DH and I have quite complex family structures so I actually like FB as what you share is open to everyone so there is less excuse for Chinese whispers. You do have to be careful what you say in public but I think this is a good lesson for teens to learn anyway, whatever the forum.

Thanks all. As I said there is no reason to think she would do anything at all unpleasant, she certainly wouldn't cyber bully DS!, (that hadn't even occurred to me). 'd just rather she didn't know so much about our lives. I accept that DSDs would actually tell her anything 'interesting' and as she is not actually a nasty person at all I should not worry.

DS is 14 and I am regularly repeating the thing about being careful what you post and how it is there forever. He mostly gets it, I have only a couple of times had to insist he deletes something (yes I know it's there forever but a lot harder to find then).

I guess DH and I have kept a degree of separation and I would prefer that he did. I think I'll suggest the acquaintance thing but nothing else.

Thank you.

I don't think there's anything sinister about this she's his sisters' mum. Given that you haven't had any real problems with her and that you think it's likely that he's made the friend request I wouldn't be unduly concerned. Just carry on doing what you're doing and reiterating messages about boundaries and what to share over the internet.