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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think that if you can't sleep then waking up your wife is not the best way to deal with it.

20 replies

Pipbin · 07/04/2015 00:19

Unless you are on fire or have had a limb drop off and this is keeping you awake, then the chances are she won't care.

I'm checking for a friend you understand.

OP posts:

thetroubleis · 07/04/2015 00:20

YASoooooNBU!

ThingummyJigg · 07/04/2015 00:28

I think that if you want your wife to think you are an utter wanker, waking her because you can't sleep is the best way to deal with it.

What did your friend's dh expect his wife to do about it, sing the arsehole back to sleep?

I imagine if you were married to such a wassock you would have whacked him in the face with his own pillow by now. (have you?)

grumpasaur · 07/04/2015 00:33

I have to admit I do this to my DH sometimes. Sounds pathetic but sometimes a cuddle does the trick...

To my defense, he just wakes up momentarily, throws and arm over me, and promptly proceeds to fall back asleep...

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 07/04/2015 00:44

What about this:

Go to bed an hour or two before your partner, who has ridiculous problems getting to sleep and keeping a set routine for sleep and who has to get up in 8 hours after only getting 5 hours a night the last two nights.

Stay asleep when she finally comes to bed and spends a good 45 mins trying to drift off.

Approximately 10-30 minutes (perfect power nap time, this is key) after she manages to get to sleep, lean over her to get your phone, and lie in bed in an uncomfortable semi-supported position, breathing weirdly because of said position, with the occasional loud sniff to pierce the silence and the phone screen lighting up your big dumb face.

Get miffed when partner wakes up and tells you to stop it or go in the other room.

Wait for partner to join you in the other room after she realises that her involuntary power nap has meant that she is now wide awake and needs to get up for a while, and, as she does so, immediately fuck off back into the bedroom to fall asleep, leaving partner annoyed, exhausted and alone in the lounge.

Seems to work?

Sbear22 · 07/04/2015 08:08

My dh wakes me up when he can't sleep and asks me to rub his head, like a dog! Sometimes funny, sometimes I want to deck him!

Taz1212 · 07/04/2015 08:17

Another good one is to come home from work, decide you are exhausted and take a nap. That way, you are wide awake come bedtime and you don't need to go to bed until 1-2AM. You then obviously need to turn on the bedroom light when you come to bed and play on your iPad for a good 30 minutes before going to sleep.

And then the next day you wonder why you are so tired when you get up and you definitely need a nap when you get home from work...

Unescorted · 07/04/2015 08:23

YANBU at all.

If you can't sleep it is a joy you can keep all to yourself. I do not want to share.

hazeyjane · 07/04/2015 08:25

"are you awake?"
"no"
"do you want a cup of tea?"
"no"
"I'll make us a cup of tea"
....................................
"here's your tea. Have you fallen asleep? Don't you want your tea now?"

whattheseithakasmean · 07/04/2015 08:28

YANBU, sleep is sacrosanct in our house. DH & I are full of petty selfishnesses, but we would never, ever disturb each others sleep except in dire emergency. We wouldn't have survivived 20+ years otherwise. I wouldn't survive a week with someone who woke me up for a cuddle. Sorry grumpasaur but you'd be out on your arse in my house

Ragwort · 07/04/2015 08:33

I think the only reason my marriage has lasted 27 years + is because we have separate bedrooms - the thought of sharing when we go on holiday has more or less ruined any holiday plans now.

BankWadger · 07/04/2015 09:02

Feck that. When I can't sleep which is often I go out of my way not to wake DH. When I'm already annoyed there's no ruddy way I want to talk to him!

Original poster

Pipbin · 07/04/2015 09:06

Just checking.
If I was actually being woken up then I wouldn't mind quite as much. It's the huffing and grumping and getting up and taking loudly to the cat all of which seems to be done to wake me up. Which I ignore and pretend to be asleep.

OP posts:

DrCoconut · 07/04/2015 09:12

I'm thinking of Sheldon and soft kitty now. I suspect it will be today's ear worm.

FickleByNurture · 07/04/2015 09:24

If you suspect that you have woken your DW up, apologise profusely. If your DW doesn't respond, she either didn't hear you or is cross with you.

Continue to apologise, with gentle prodding, until she acknowledges your apology.

googoodolly · 07/04/2015 09:30

I have to be up at 5am for work. Good Friday was the first day in weeks I got the chance to sleep in. DP woke me up at 5.30m because, and I quote "I can't sleeeeep!".

HOW ABOUT YOU GET UP AND BE AWAKE SOMEWHERE ELSE AND LET ME SLEEP. Not that I'm still bitter about that AT ALL. Hmmph. He then had the cheek later that day to say he was tired.

Elledouble · 07/04/2015 09:36

Not quite the same, but I was lying awake at 4.30am today (heavily pregnant and struggling to sleep well) when my partner poked me and whispered "you're not supposed to sleep on your back!" which was weird, because I was neither asleep nor on my back.

TeddyBee · 07/04/2015 09:40

I have a six month old baby who doesn't sleep brilliantly and a five year old and a four year old who wake at six. I do all the night wakings as baby is still EBF despite best efforts to get her off before going back to work. I am very very tired. OH is away for work regularly and catches up on his sleep quite nicely. He woke me up for a shag when he got home from a late night gig on Friday. I told him to piss off. Then Saturday morning he complained that he was tired and asked me to get up and take the baby away so he could sleep. With no irony.

cleanmyhouse · 07/04/2015 09:58

I was woken by a work text at 5am. Same happened last tuesday. 2 different people.

Bastards.

Theoretician · 07/04/2015 11:04

There is a fairly reliable method a woman can use to send a man to sleep at a time of her choosing...

www.livescience.com/32445-why-do-guys-get-sleepy-after-sex.html

Then there is the biochemistry of the orgasm itself. Research shows that during ejaculation, men release a cocktail of brain chemicals, including norepinephrine, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, nitric oxide (NO), and the hormone prolactin. The release of prolactin is linked to the feeling of sexual satisfaction, and it also mediates the “recovery time” that men are well aware of—the time a guy must wait before “giving it another go.” Studies have also shown that men deficient in prolactin have faster recovery times.

Prolactin levels are naturally higher during sleep, and animals injected with the chemical become tired immediately. This suggests a strong link between prolactin and sleep, so it’s likely that the hormone’s release during orgasm causes men to feel sleepy.

FryOneFatManic · 07/04/2015 11:11

I have absolutely no desire to indulge in sex when I'm tired. So I'm not about to swing from the chandeliers to make sure he sleeps, just to ensure that I get some sleep.

And it's not a foolproof method anyway.

In our house it's usually me who rolls over to go to sleep while DP often does crosswords.

Flip