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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she really can't be arsed?

13 replies

birdsnotbees · 06/04/2015 23:20

Very old friend. Over the past 4 years, we've not been in contact so much - mainly as she doesn't have a mobile, never answers her phone but is on Facebook (which I am not). I made a massive effort for her birthday last May. First time left the kids overnight, drove several hundred miles in terrible weather, baked a cake that I later found shoved in a container at the back of a shelf etc. I had a horrible year last year and so wasn't in touch much afterwards. She missed my significant birthday - completely. No card, nothing. She was in my home town at Christmas but didn't call to see if I was (I wasn't). I sent her a Xmas card and a letter saying I was sorry not to be in touch so much but it had been a horrible year etc. Sent her a present a month or so later. Then texts to try and meet up - to her husband's phone. Nada.

So anyway, this week we are away and close to where she and her family holiday every Easter. Sent a text to say be nice to meet up. Her husband calls me - they can meet up, but she won't be there as she wants to climb a mountain. I do love her husband - but... she's not texted me or rung me. He has. She won't be meeting me, he will.

She has always been really crap at keeping in touch - but this is more than that, right?

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 06/04/2015 23:27

I'm afraid so. This friendship is stone cold dead. If indeed it ever was a friendship - it all sounds very one-sided to me.

scratchandsniff · 06/04/2015 23:34

I'd be giving up on this friend. She's not worth your efforts. There's being a bit crap and then there's just being bloody rude. Her loss!

championnibbler · 06/04/2015 23:36

Get rid.
Sorry but she is not interested.

ThingummyJigg · 06/04/2015 23:53

I was thinking 'this woman actually doesn't like you, I'm afraid' till I read the bit about the dh. Was she like this before him? If so she's a flake and not worth your time.

Ratfinkandbobo · 07/04/2015 00:03

It all seems pointless.

Islanegra · 07/04/2015 00:09

She loves you but she can't deal with whatever you represent right now. It's her, not you, and she knows it.

Original poster
birdsnotbees · 07/04/2015 07:50

Thanks all. I suspect you are right. I'd just like to know why - we shared so much and used to live together, and I thought she was a friend for life. We used to just pick up where we left off when we did meet up, but the last few times have been a bit... odd. There have been little comments about my appearance or the food I've cooked - just got the vague impression she doesn't approve - and I know she (or maybe it's her husband) make an effort with other friends, just not me.

It's just a bit soul destroying really. I had a really horrible year last year and seem to have lost quite a few friends as I wasn't able to keep making the effort to stay in touch. I have made lots of new friends in recent years, who live nearer and have been there for me, but there is something about old friends that I really value.

OP posts:
Yournotfeckingserious · 07/04/2015 07:55

Look on the bright side...her husband could be a good friend if she doesn't want the job Wink

ItsADinosaur · 07/04/2015 07:59

She doesn't want to be friends anymore, for whatever reason. Stop contacting her. Yes it's hurtful but you're making all the effort and getting nothing back. I wouldn't even meet with her DH.

carabos · 07/04/2015 08:03

She doesn't have a mobile? yeah right. She isn't a friend. She's trying to get that message across to you without actually saying it. I wonder if she's sending the husband to deliver the news? You need to leave her alone.

Andanotherthing123 · 07/04/2015 08:15

This woman does not deserve you. She is not treating you respectfully and you sound like the kind of person who should have lovely friends.

Don't meet up with her dh either - it'll be soul destroying for you.

I did this with some old friends after my relationship broke down and it was clear they wanted to be my ex dp's friend but I chased them for ages and let them walk all over me. When a I finally cut them free, they suddenly became much more interested in me. I still see them but I don't really care if they are in my life or not.

Concentrate on your new friends.

TendonQueen · 07/04/2015 08:23

Yes, you deserve a lot better than this. Text the husband to say you'll give meeting up a miss and then just go silent. I've had the experience of thinking 'but X wouldn't do that, we're such old friends' but unfortunately people change, or sometimes you have been deceived about their real personality all along. Lay this one to rest and concentrate on your new friends, who I bet are a lot nicer.

TheWitTank · 07/04/2015 08:27

Echoing what pp say, she doesn't want to be your friend I'm afraid. It's over completely. Sometimes there is no particular reason. Relationships fizzle out and I would say she wanted this one to. Sorry to be harsh, but move on and don't drag it out Flowers

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