Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be offended by this comment?

21 replies

PotatoLetters · 06/04/2015 17:16

Upon visiting newborn dc2, 'I didn't bring him a present because, you know, it's not such a big deal'.

I don't expect gifts but it's a bit mean to actually say this! Poor dc2 :(

OP posts:

DextersMistress · 06/04/2015 17:17

Yanbu. That's mean

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 06/04/2015 17:17

Why offended?

Original poster

PotatoLetters · 06/04/2015 17:18

Offended for my poor little second born. The Inferior Child.

OP posts:

Imnotbeverley · 06/04/2015 17:19

Was it a joke? It's fine to not bring a present but, yes that is a weird thing to say.

sparkysparkysparky · 06/04/2015 17:23

Or they could bring you a nice lasagne. It IS a big deal. How rude. Congratulations

Snottybiyatch · 06/04/2015 17:26

HUMUNGOUS CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!

not only on the birth of your lovely son but also on meeting the world's biggest tosser. You're right, not the present that counts...but what a ridiculous thing to say.

A second child is a HUGE and UNIQUE deal!!

Original poster

PotatoLetters · 06/04/2015 17:28

It was a while ago but was playing on my mind!
Their second is due imminently...

OP posts:

CaspianSea · 06/04/2015 17:28

They were tactless but not unreasonable. At my workplace we get gifts for first mat-leaves but not second ones, I guess it's just the first time is extra-special and first-time mums are more in need of baby stuff.
I always get friends gifts when they have babies but admit I probably spend more when it's the first baby. The gift marks the rite of passage into motherhood, the celebration of becoming a family, not just the baby.

AnnieMoor · 06/04/2015 17:29

How rude!

Yes, you're popping out babies every day of the week...

Every baby is a big deal!

Snottybiyatch · 06/04/2015 17:31

Just seen your update, Potato.

Belated congratulations then...but my point stands!

Joyfulldeathsquad · 06/04/2015 17:33

sparky I would have loved a lasagne !!

AlpacaMyBag · 06/04/2015 17:34

What a bizarre thing to say.

Sure, there's never any need to bring a present, but if it's really "not such a big deal" why the eff did they even bother to get out of bed to come and visit?

A new little life in the world is surely always an amazing thing? Yes different people have varying levels of importance to others but to suggest in someone's presence (even a baby's) that their very existence is no biggie is really very odd behaviour.

Original poster

PotatoLetters · 06/04/2015 17:35

He is very gorgeous though, if anything they should have brought double the presents.

OP posts:

ilovemargaretatwood8931 · 06/04/2015 17:41

I understand why you're offended, but I'm guessing obviously totally speculatively that it might have been an awkward comment that slipped out randomly, and was not meant in quite the rude way that it sounded?

I'm remembering a funny and rude comment that someone I know said once to a mutual pregnant friend, who had just learned that she was having a girl, and they said something like 'oh dear, not a boy then, people never make such a fuss about a first born girl...' or words to that effect. There was a horrible silence and they tried to back track, it didn't really work.
Afterwards they explained (horribly embarrassed and ashamed) that they gave voice to a random train of thoughts that passed through their mind, how there's this sexist thing of boys carrying on family names etc. Really silly mistake, they were young and nervous about saying the 'right thing'. Is this possible for your friend do you think? [straw clutching...]

Are you going to get their dc2 anything?

Marcipex · 06/04/2015 17:44

I bet he is so gorgeous that any actual material gift pales into invisibility.
(However your friend is still rude and thoughtless.)

Allstoppedup · 06/04/2015 17:48

I'm expecting my second and generally have found the response much less enthusiastic than my first.

My lovely friend did send me a very sweet mum to be card (because subsequent babies are just as much cause to celebrate, according to her!) and a voucher for a meal for DP and I (to make the most of being able to source a babysitter for just the one!) It was very kind and unexpected!

I'd never expect a gift and the comment was probably meant to be light hearted but it was a bit thoughtless.

EverythingslookingRosie · 06/04/2015 17:58

YANBU!!

My second DD is now 2 days old and my own mum said when we told her I was pregnant again 'poor 1st born DD won't be special anymore'. She also said, when meeting DD2 'I thought I wouldn't love you as you are not DGD1'

My mum says a lot of, what I consider to be, quite silly things.

Ineedacleaningfairy · 06/04/2015 17:59

I would have been relieved, I was given lots of baby clothes when dc2 was born, I had dc1 less than 2 years previously and already had too many clothes. I took any clothes back that had the labels on and got the next size up for dc1, I figure dc2 will eventually use them.

JassyRadlett · 06/04/2015 18:01

Christ. How did you stop yourself asking 'why on earth did you come, then?'

DeeCayed · 07/04/2015 10:58

I'd be unhappy too. When/if I visited their dc2 I'd be dying to ask if it was ok for a cuddle then passive aggressively say something to the baby (aimed at the mam though) like "even second babies are worth a cuddle" she'd probably know what you are referring to and see how hurtful it is. I wouldn't really as I'm a wimp and I wouldn't want to intentionally hurt her and hope the same went for her and it was just a foot in mouth mistake.
I have had a foot in mouth moment myself but I'd didn't try to back track as I would have dug myself deeper and I didn't apologise (which I should have but I would have fucked that up as well!) but really wanted the ground to swallow me up,
A cousin had just adopted and I was talking to her dm, saying congratulations etc then I asked about the "real" parents but I obviously meant biological parents, gah I want to die of embrassement just thinking about it.

TheCraicDealer · 07/04/2015 11:14

I don't know if it's that bad in the grand scheme of things. I mean she is right in a roundabout way- you're likely to already have all the bumpf, clothes and pricey equipment that you never used from no. 1, it's not like you're having to start from scratch. And the gifts you often get are more practical than sentimental anyway. I doubt DC1 will be sitting lovingly stroking the baby wipe warmer your cousin bought when they're eighteen. But she should have still brought a token gift.

Flip