To be cross with MIL

[Imnotbeverley]

How angry would you be: DP's mum just arrived with his Nan without arranging it with us. I am 7 weeks pregnant and having very bad morning sickness, she knows this. They arrived during DS's nap time, I was asleep on the sofa- front door opens into lounge. MIL has a key for when she looks after DS. I feel like shit and was on the sofa in my tracksuit trousers and no make up on. She had tried to arrange something with DP yesterday and he wasn't keen, she said she would call him back. He tried to call her at 11:30 and she didn't answer, just turned up at 2pm.

Background: we do not have a close relationship with DP's Nan, a visit from her would have meant lots of tidying up and getting ready had we known. MIL is very helpful and adores DS, sometimes is blind to others in persuing time with him but we are appreciative of her and get along well generally.

I think that we need to be very clear that this is not ok and should not happen again. DP is worried about rocking the boat as MIL looks after our DS one day a week whilst I am at work.

I think you have to say something about her letting herself in though. You don't want her doing it when you've just got the baby to sleep...

I agree zipzap, that could quite easily be the reason. She is a bit of a flusterer and her logic is a bit odd at times too.

Nanny0gg, yes! I might "need" her key back when I go on maternity leave as she won't actually need it at that point!

YANBU. It's just not on to let yourself into someone else's home! I remember shortly after moving into my partner's home when I was very heavily pregnant. I was severley sleep deprived on a very hot summers day (which partner's DM was aware of) and decided to have a nice long bath... was walking through lounge starkers after my bath only to hear the lock unturn without so even as much as a knock beforehand. Luckily for me (and my massive naked baby belly) the key was in the other side of door so partner's DM was left trying and failing miserably to 'pop in'. I would have been mortified if she had. We asked for the spare key back swiftly afterwards and said no to pop ins! DMs partner will be helping out with child care when I return to work in a few months but the same rules will be applying on my days off!

I think I have the worst ever, most epic anecdote about "family" who have keys to their dd/ds/dil/sil's houses. I'm even cringing as I remember this!

My friend's inlaws had keys to her and her dh's home and they used them occasionally. Her fil was very handy and retired so he would sometimes let himself in to fix things around the house, her DH always arranged it in advance. My friend developed one of her chronic migraines at work one day and left early to get home before it kicked in properly. She arrived home and went straight to the bedroom to change clothes and walked in on her FIL who was standing by the clothes hamper holding a pair of her knickers. He clearly hadn't heard her come home and he instantly dropped her knickers and started talking about some drywall issue that her dh had asked him to check out... He basically ran out of there without saying anything about the fact that he was stood there with her knickers held to his face!! Anyway, she called me in distress because she honestly didn't know if she should even say anything to her dh. Her dh adored his dad and my friend had always been very fond of him too, now she felt sick to her stomach and was wondering how many times he had been in their house doing that!

Anyway, she told her dh what had happened that evening and it turned out her fil had called him first to give some story about how he was afraid he had scared my friend as he was in the bedroom "moving" the laundry hamper to check on the wall (which he hadn't previously mentioned to dh that he would turn up and do...) My friend and dh had a very tense discussion about it but he did understand that she couldn't bear to see the pils for a long time. It must have been pretty hard to hear something like that about your own dad, I think he preferred to think it was a massive misunderstanding. My friend knows firmly in her own mind that it wasn't a misunderstanding and things are awkward between her and pils to this day (this all happened about 15 years ago). I'm absolutely sure the mil never heard a thing about it.

Well that is a truly horrendous story! It really could have been worse!

When I was 18 I stayed over at my then boyfriend's (lived with his parents still), woke up at about 4am and popped to the loo. The bathroom door was unlocked, in fact it wasn't even closed- my bf's dad was stark naked, full frontal at me. Obviously it was entirely accidental on both parts but my god, the awkwardness. Your poor friend- that is 100 times worse!!

I would really, really mind. Get the locks changed.

MIL let herself in once when I was sleeping, 8 months pg and naked. I awoke to a fuss going on outside the bedroom, dh saying "no you can't go in there" and MIL insisting that "she won't mind me". Then the door was flung open and there she was while I scrabbled about to cover myself up (had been on top of the covers as it was so hot). She immediately leapt at my bump and started grabbing and lunging at it while I tried to get to my feet and get away from her.

NEVER give an IL a key!