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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take this issue further (work related)?

38 replies

FayKorgasm · 06/04/2015 11:16

I work in retail on a part time basis. Occasionally I am assigned to the office for some admin duties along with the man who works there on a full time basis. He is well liked amongst all staff and is generally a good work mate, however he does not call me by my name and it is really bothering me. He calls all other staff by their names but not me. I have asked him not to call me the name he calls me by but he doesn't even try. It probably will damage our working relationship though if I do complain.

OP posts:

shewept · 06/04/2015 11:21

For me personally it would depend on what he was calling me and why?

I have accumulated several nicknames at work. Non offensive, usually related to a joke or something. Doesn't bother me.

That's not to say it shouldn't bother you though.

Hissy · 06/04/2015 11:21

What is he calling you?

Tell him once more, clearly, what your name is and that if he refuses to call you this, have a conversation with your line manager and hr

No more warnings

Revenant · 06/04/2015 11:25

What do you do when he calls you by the wrong name? I think you are well within your rights to refuse to respond at all whenever you are addressed by the wrong name, as it isn't yours. He might well become bored with doing this if he gets if you refuse to engage with his "wit" at any level. Also, is what he calls you offensive, or just a random name that isn't yours?

Penguinotterfoxbadger · 06/04/2015 11:28

What does he call you?

Original poster

FayKorgasm · 06/04/2015 11:29

It will out me to any work colleagues who may be here what he calls me but it is to do with my country of origin. I have asked him nicely to stop and told him sternly to stop. I just know that it will probably cause an atmosphere if I do complain so on one hand I think I should just suck it up and accept it but on the other hand why should I.

OP posts:

Original poster

FayKorgasm · 06/04/2015 11:33

He refers to himself by a name that is not his but thats his prerogative.

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 06/04/2015 11:40

So if for example you are from Thailand,he is saying "Thai,can you do this please?" Am I getting that right?
I would not answer to it & when someone picks up on it,I'd say you find it demeaning.

Vivacia · 06/04/2015 11:42

Who the hell does he think he is?

I'd try a combination of correcting him, "It's Jane, and yes I can do that" and ignoring him whenever possible. I'd also reconsider talking to management about it, "Tim seems to have a problem using my name. Could we sit down and discuss why?".

Original poster

FayKorgasm · 06/04/2015 11:43

Similar icelolly. If I don't answer to it the work doesn't get done and I will get the blame.

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LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 06/04/2015 11:46

I think you have to take this further. It will damage your work relationship, yes, but then your work relationship is already being damaged, isn't it?

Catsahoy · 06/04/2015 11:49

Take it further. Or tell him you'll take it further unless he stops. That gives him fair warning and lets him know you are serious. If he doesn't desist immediately, go to his manager and report it.

FryOneFatManic · 06/04/2015 11:51

I wonder if this could be construed as racism if he's using the country of origin as a name?

I certainly think it would be good to highlight this to your management.

Molichite · 06/04/2015 11:52

as an outsider I think you should threaten to report him if he continues, and follow through. Itis a very reasonable thing to complain about to your manager and I'd have thought the manager would not condone racism. How you are treated by your coworkers matters, and he is being racist and demeaning.

However it'seasy for me to say this sat here with mycomputer. I don't have to live your life and I don't know your boss.

itsmeitscathy · 06/04/2015 11:57

Take it further, have a read up on your works equalities policy first (it will be standard) so you can refer to it. Or see if you have a dignity in the workplace policy and refer him to that.

It might cause an atmosphere but if you're unhappy with being called it then he's causing the atmosphere himself, he's had plenty of warning.

Original poster

FayKorgasm · 06/04/2015 12:01

Its considered in the mainstream to be an acceptable term although many people from my country don't like being called it. Thats very true he has indeed created the atmosphere already.

OP posts:

Rosieliveson · 06/04/2015 12:05

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would just say "please don't call me that. I'm actually becoming quite upset by it. It has to stop."

I worked with a man who was a nice guy but the office joker. When I was pregnant he insisted on calling me "fatty". I hated it and eventually said the above to him. For me it was a warning that I would take it further. He stopped. Good luck with it.

Molichite · 06/04/2015 12:05

But you are a person, not a nationality, and you have told him not to.

Tempting to call him SmellyBottom until he stops, but I think talking to your manager is the way to go.

TidyDancer · 06/04/2015 12:06

What has he actually said in response to you when you've asked/told him to stop? He is being very rude btw, whatever he has replied.

Original poster

FayKorgasm · 06/04/2015 12:09

His replies vary from saying that hes just joking to telling me to lighten up to saying sorry but it doesn't stop it.
I think I will tell him tomorrow that I do not like it and if he does not stop I will complain to the manager. That way he has a fair chance to finally take it on board.

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AnyFucker · 06/04/2015 12:14

If he is calling you "Paddy" or something like that and deliberately not using your given name, that constitutes bullying and harassment at work

also, racism

both of these are disciplinary offences

do not tolerate this for an easy life

Hissy · 06/04/2015 12:15

Bollocks, no more warnings! He knows full well.

Escalate this, your work have to take this seriously and will do so

Caoimhe1922 · 06/04/2015 12:16

My Dad is Irish and when he worked in England back in the 70s he hated it if anyone called him Paddy. His brother was called Paddy and had died unexpectedly at a young age so it added a further degree of hurt being addressed by his brothers name. He corrected everyone every time. He is a gentle person but a couple of times he came close to anger.
My son's nickname is 'Irish' and his best mate is called 'Asian'. They love their nicknames. A lot depends on the intention behind the usage. If it upsets you tell him firmly and then escalate.
Sorry you are having to put up with this.

Original poster

FayKorgasm · 06/04/2015 12:24

Full management is back on Thursday and I have office work tomorrow and Wednesday morning and if he still persists I will contact them on Thursday.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 06/04/2015 12:32

You could record it in a diary each time he does it (but not refer to doing so).

CalleighDoodle · 06/04/2015 12:39

When my dad was dtill working, many years ago, there was a welsh man named taffy. It never occured to me for many years that this was a name given to him because he was welsh! I thought it was his name as this is what everyone called Him and How thy referred to him. Just rude! I know a woman who rightly gets irritated by being called kiwi, and when at uni in yorkshire two of us lancastrians were randomly named the town where we came from! Weird.

It is a bit controlling isnt it. I will call you what i like. Like a power play.

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